TROY, MICHIGAN – Who would’ve thought ripping homemade margaritas on a 95-degree day would expose the League of Extraordinary Gentlemen’s biggest organizational weakness?
Not the fact we have failed to secure an indoor facility after all these years and still must battle heat, sun, and rain.
No, Thursday proved LEG may finally need to establish a whistleblower hotline.
Grandpa Dan spent the evening indulging in his homemade tequila creations, and somewhere between “just one more” and “I probably shouldn’t say this,” he began tap dancing along the shrinking line of appropriateness. The comments became bolder. And every few minutes someone would look around the yard as if HR might suddenly appear from behind a tree.
For nearly a decade, LEG operated as a men-only league. Mostly because women generally have enough common sense to avoid voluntarily spending an evening listening to grown men play cornhole while turning every other sentence into sexual innuendos.
Then came 2025.
Melissa became the first woman to join LEG, a courageous decision made considerably safer by the fact she arrived every week with her husband. For an entire season, everyone somehow managed to mind their Ps and Qs.
Turns out we were simply delaying the inevitable.
This week served as a reminder that absolutely nothing is off limits at LEG, including directing those sexual innuendos toward the league’s lone female participant.
During a game of 50s, Grandpa Dan politely asked, “Do you mind if I go behind you?”
On paper, it’s a perfectly innocent question. Unfortunately, by that point in the evening he’d already shown his cards.
Earlier in the night, Grandpa Dan graciously walked around with a spray bottle, cooling everyone off in the suffocating heat. As he misted Melissa from behind, she remarked, “That feels good.”
Without missing a beat, Grandpa Dan replied, “I’m making you wet hitting you from the back.”
Later, the two found themselves standing in front of an industrial fan.
“Blow me,” Grandpa Dan demanded, pretending to talk to the fan.
And after Melissa hit a brief rough patch on the boards, Grandpa Dan tried offering some encouragement.
“Just put it in the hole.”
I could keep going, but this is a cornhole recap, not a romance novel with Fabio on the cover.
The good news is Melissa took every joke exactly as intended and delivered plenty of blows herself (no pun intended). The entire yard spent the night laughing, which was a welcome distraction from the miserable heat that had everyone questioning why they decided to still play this week.
If anything, the biggest surprise wasn’t Grandpa Dan’s commentary.
It was that this group managed to behave for an entire year before completely falling off the wagon.
GAME OF THE NIGHT
If this one doesn’t earn Game of the Year consideration, I’d love to see a game that does.
Game 2 featured Paul and Austin against JV and KP.
Austin came out of the gates looking like he belonged on ESPN. He opened with rounds of 12, 12, 8 and 10, averaging a ridiculous 10.5 points per round (PPR) through the first four rounds. KP tried to hang on and weather the storm, throwing rounds of 10, 7, 8 and 10 during that stretch – good for an 8.75 PPR, yet still lost ground at a rate of 1.75 points per round.
JV did everything in his power to keep his team’s boat afloat during the opening barrage. As good as he was against Paul, Austin’s scorching start gave his team an 11-4 advantage.
Then JV turned it up another notch, ripping off an 11-0 run against Paul over the next three rounds, while KP quietly chipped in five more points against Austin. A quick 16-0 run transformed an 11-4 deficit into a 20-11 lead.
Austin refused to go quietly, taking another 12-10 round from KP to trim the lead to 20-13.
Then things got a bit nervy.
Round 14: JV had the final bag of the round. In the hole wins the game.
He shanked it off the board and gave up one point.
20-14.
Round 15: KP had the exact same opportunity, in the hole with his final bag to win. He left it short, boarding it for a wash.
The score remained 20-14.
Round 16: JV got another chance to end it with his final bag in the hole. This time he left it short, boarding it to give up one point.
20-15.
Then came rounds 17 and 18.
KP had another “bag in to win.” He nervously tried to guide it in the hole, but the bag settled on the board for a wash.
JV followed with ANOTHER opportunity to win the game with his final bag. It landed on the board, nowhere near the hole.
Another wash.
For those scoring at home, that’s five consecutive rounds where JV or KP held the final bag knowing one good throw would end the game…and neither of them could deliver.
Despite maintaining a 20-15 lead throughout the madness, you could almost feel the momentum shifting toward Austin and Paul. They’d survived five bullets in Russian Roulette and seemed destined to swoop in and snatch this victory.
Instead, KP finally slammed the door shut in the 19th round.
He delivered a clutch 10-5 victory over Austin, ending the suspense and allowing a collective sigh of relief from his end of the board down to JV’s.
Austin’s blistering start carried him to an outstanding 8.0 PPR, highlighted by three four-baggers. KP deserves equal praise, though. After getting punched in the mouth early, he never blinked, battling back to finish with an 8.1 PPR of his own.
The biggest difference-maker, however, was JV.
He outscored Paul 45-39, posted a +1.0 Differential Per Round (DPR), and spearheaded the 16-0 avalanche that completely changed the complexion of the match.
The finish certainly won’t win any beauty contests. But the game had all the elements of an incredible match.
MUSHROOM STAMP MOMENT
Despite the harassment/inuendo/tension (whichever term you prefer), the chemistry between Grandpa Dan and Melissa was undeniable. In Game 5 they teamed up and it was magical.
Standing in their way were Joe and JV.
Joe opened by blanking Grandpa Dan 7-0, presumably because it was healthier than beating him into the ground. JV followed by shutting out Melissa 5-0. Those two rounds powered Joe and JV to a 15-3 lead.
Grandpa Dan and Melissa answered with a 10-0 spurt to climb back into the game, trimming the deficit to 15-13.
Joe briefly restored order with four more points, extending the advantage to 19-13.
Then, the sexy duo pulled out their mushroom and stamped it on their opponent’s forehead. Grandpa Dan scored three, making it 19-16, and setting the stage for Melissa to win it.
She delivered.
Melissa buried one cornhole and littered the board with three blockers, forcing JV to attempt a series of airmails just to stay alive. 
He missed every attempt. Melissa won the round 6-0.
Melissa and Grandpa Dan erased a 15-3 deficit by closing the match on an 18-4 run to steal a 21-19 victory.
Considering everything that had transpired throughout the evening, there was only one fitting way for this game to end. The most entertaining duo completed an improbable comeback and handed Joe and JV a “choke”.
That’s your Mushroom Stamp Moment.
This week’s box score is below.
| Week 8 Power Rank | Name | Week 8 Wins | Week 8 Losses | Week 8 Win % | Week 8 Saves | Week 8 Chokes | Week 8 Comebacks | Week 8 KPM | Week 8 Gross Points Per Round | Week 8 Toss Accruacy | Week 8 Cornholes Per Round | Week 8 Cornholes | Week 8 Cornholes Per Game | Week 8 Gross Points | Week 8 Gross Points Per Game | Week 8 Net Points For | Week 8 Net Points Against | Week 8 Net Points For Per Game | Week 8 Net Points Against Per Game | Week 8 Net Point Differential | Week 8 Foot Snags |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | KP | 6 | 0 | 100% | 5 | - | - | 23.2 | 7.2 | 83% | 1.9 | 69 | 11.5 | 258 | 43.0 | 126 | 59 | 21.0 | 9.8 | 11.2 | 0 |
| 2 | Austin | 3 | 2 | 60% | 3 | - | - | 21.4 | 6.6 | 74% | 1.8 | 56 | 11.2 | 204 | 40.8 | 82 | 72 | 16.4 | 14.4 | 2.0 | 0 |
| 3 | Dan G. | 3 | 2 | 60% | 2 | - | 1 | 18.8 | 5.8 | 71% | 1.5 | 42 | 8.4 | 163 | 32.6 | 94 | 69 | 18.8 | 13.8 | 5.0 | 0 |
| 4 | Joe S. | 2 | 3 | 40% | 2 | 1 | - | 18.5 | 5.8 | 77% | 1.4 | 37 | 7.4 | 157 | 31.4 | 91 | 71 | 18.2 | 14.2 | 4.0 | 0 |
| 5 | Roger | 3 | 2 | 60% | 2 | - | - | 17.7 | 5.5 | 70% | 1.4 | 34 | 6.8 | 138 | 27.6 | 82 | 67 | 16.4 | 13.4 | 3.0 | 0 |
| 6 | Flowers | 3 | 2 | 60% | 2 | - | - | 17.1 | 5.4 | 73% | 1.2 | 37 | 7.4 | 162 | 32.4 | 78 | 90 | 15.6 | 18.0 | (2.4) | 0 |
| 7 | Mike R. | 5 | 1 | 83% | 3 | - | - | 17.0 | 5.4 | 78% | 1.2 | 45 | 7.5 | 212 | 35.3 | 113 | 97 | 18.8 | 16.2 | 2.7 | 0 |
| 8 | Turley | 1 | 4 | 20% | 1 | - | - | 16.9 | 5.4 | 74% | 1.2 | 37 | 7.4 | 166 | 33.2 | 64 | 98 | 12.8 | 19.6 | (6.8) | 0 |
| 9 | Paul G. | 3 | 3 | 50% | 2 | - | - | 15.0 | 4.7 | 60% | 1.1 | 40 | 6.7 | 164 | 27.3 | 101 | 90 | 16.8 | 15.0 | 1.8 | 0 |
| 10 | Mike V. | 2 | 4 | 33% | 2 | - | - | 14.4 | 4.6 | 65% | 1.0 | 35 | 5.8 | 161 | 26.8 | 95 | 101 | 15.8 | 16.8 | (1.0) | 1 |
| 11 | JV | 2 | 2 | 50% | 2 | 1 | - | 12.7 | 4.1 | 64% | 0.8 | 20 | 5.0 | 107 | 26.8 | 65 | 71 | 16.3 | 17.8 | (1.5) | 0 |
| 12 | Melissa | 1 | 4 | 20% | - | - | 1 | 12.2 | 4.0 | 64% | 0.7 | 20 | 4.0 | 112 | 22.4 | 58 | 103 | 11.6 | 20.6 | (9.0) | 0 |
| 13 | Erik | 1 | 3 | 25% | 1 | - | - | 11.9 | 4.0 | 69% | 0.6 | 13 | 3.3 | 87 | 21.8 | 53 | 79 | 13.3 | 19.8 | (6.5) | 0 |
| 14 | Craig F. | 1 | 4 | 20% | 1 | - | - | 9.7 | 3.2 | 52% | 0.6 | 15 | 3.0 | 86 | 17.2 | 56 | 91 | 11.2 | 18.2 | (7.0) | 0 |