CLAWSON, MICHIGAN – Week 6 marked the long-overdue regular season debut of Nick, who apparently spent the first five weeks writing his annual excuse book.
In true Mr. Cocksucker fashion, Nick arrived complaining about bowel issues before he’d thrown a single bag.
We’re 11 seasons into LEG. One would think this routine would’ve died long ago. Yet every year, like clockwork, Nick shows up with some variation of the same story. His tummy hurts. His lower back hurts. He slept wrong.
Nobody is buying it anymore.
You’re arguably the best player in league, certainly the most decorated. Nobody feels bad for you. Nobody is underestimating you. The “aw shucks” routine stopped working years ago.
If there was anyone prepared to drive that point home, it was JV.
The rivalry between these two added another memorable chapter Thursday night, and by the end of the evening, the only thing troubling Nick’s bowels was how thoroughly JV owned his ass.
The first encounter came in Game 24.
Nick and Flowers were locked in a battle with JV and Grandpa Dan. The game was tight throughout the early stages with Nick and Flowers clinging to a 14-12 lead.
Then Grandpa Dan decided it was time for the women and children to go to bed.
Matched against Flowers, Dan ripped off an 8-1 round, collecting seven points. Suddenly Nick and Flowers were staring at a 19-14 deficit.
This was the moment.
The “superstar” was down five points with an opportunity to deliver a signature round.
JV made sure that story never got written.
While Nick looked like a beginner, JV buried three cornholes and delivered a 9-1 knockout round to end the game.
JV and Grandpa Dan – 21. Nick and Flowers – 14.
The second chapter came just two games later.
Partnered with Melissa, Nick trailed JV and Austin 14-8 before mounting a comeback. A series of strong rounds ignited a 10-0 run and flipped the script. Moments later Nick and Melissa held an 18-14 lead.
Giving up a 10-0 run would cause a lot of players to fold.
For JV, it was simply time to go back to work.
JV scratched out a point. Austin followed with four more. Just like that, the lead evaporated, and JV and Austin were back in front 19-18.
The stage was set again.
Nick versus JV. Game hanging in the balance.
And again, JV slammed the door.
The two worked the next round into an 8-8 wash, neutralizing Nick’s attempt at heroics.
Melissa, sensing that her partner might be incapable of finishing the job himself, fought to keep their hopes alive. She managed to knot the game at 19-19.
Unfortunately for her (and for Nick), JV was still standing on the opposite end of the boards.
JV delivered a cornhole and three messy blockers en route to a 6-4 advantage, securing the exact two points needed for victory.
JV and Austin – 21. Nick and Melissa – 19.
JV – 2. Nick – 0.
No amount of Pepto-Bismol is fixing that.
GAME OF THE NIGHT
Somehow, some way, the non-dynamic duo of Paul and Melissa continue forcing their way into these recaps.
Previous appearances focused on their extraordinary ability to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory.
This week they discovered a new trick:
Snatching defeat from the jaws of certain defeat. Are you confused? Join the club.
Game 16 paired Melissa and Paul against JV and Joe.
The opening six rounds looked painfully familiar. Melissa and Paul hemorrhaged points at an alarming rate, falling behind 15-1 before most of the audience realized down-and-backs had ended.
The game looked over. This duo looked lifeless.
But then something weird happened. Melissa and Paul started playing cornhole.
With absolutely no momentum and even less reason for optimism, they ripped off an astonishing 19-0 run. Fifteen of those points came in just six rounds, transforming a hopeless 15-1 deficit into a shocking 20-15 lead.
Melissa contributed six points during the rally, while Paul supplied the fireworks.
An 8-2 round here.
A 10-6 round there.
By the end of the run, Paul accounted for 14 points and a sleepy crowd was now fully invested in one of the most improbable comebacks of the season.
Throughout the first five weeks of the season, everyone thought they had Melissa and Paul figured out. Then they became something entirely different.
Winners.
Or as the great Lee Corso would say, “Not so fast!” Because Melissa and Paul remain one of the league’s greatest unsolved mysteries.
With their backs against the wall, Joe answered with a punishing 10-3 round against Paul, halting the comeback bid and stealing a 21-20 victory.
The swings in this game were wild.
Down 15-1.
Up 20-15.
Lose 21-20.
For Melissa and Paul, it was somehow another chapter in a season that keeps finding creative ways to break their hearts.
MUSHROOM STAMP MOMENT
Selecting this week’s Mushroom Stamp Moment (“MSM”) proved unusually difficult because several worthy candidates emerged. Here are the nominees:
1. Roger submitted a strong statistical argument. He finished the night averaging 6.8 points per round while posting individual games of 9.0 and 8.75 PPR.
But even more impressive than his PPR was the effectiveness of his airmail.
We don’t officially track airmail stats, so the following statement cannot be verified. However, Roger must’ve hit 75% of his airmail attempts.
Every time he launched one, it felt automatic. Opponents would attempt blocks or clutter the board, and Roger looked delighted by the challenge, immediately sending a 30-foot missile soaring over the laundry and into the hole.
2. Turley also earned serious consideration. In Game 12, his team trailed Craig and KP 14-13 before Turley unleashed one of the more crushing four-baggers you’ll see. A 12-2 walk-off round against Craig.
3. And then there is Craig. Game 5 featured Craig and Flowers battling Joe and Brent. Things looked bleak when Brent hammered Craig for a 12-2 round, creating a 15-10 advantage.
However, Flowers responded with seven points to give his team a 17-15 lead, producing one final Brent-versus-Craig showdown.
Fighting nightmares from moments earlier, Craig delivered a 10-6 round to earn the four points needed for victory.
Can we get a drumroll, please?
The winner of this week’s Mushroom Stamp Moment is…
CRAIG.
His first 10-point round of the season showcased exactly the type of resiliency and toughness worthy of recognition. After absorbing a brutal 12-2 beating earlier in the game, Craig responded when it mattered most.
Also, full disclosure: I had already informed Craig he was probably victim of the MSM while shaking hands after Turley’s 12-2 walk-off. So, it only seems fair to reverse course and give him this week’s award.
Congratulations, Craig!
This week’s box score is below.
| Power Rank | Name | Week 6 Wins | Week 6 Losses | Week 6 Win % | Week 6 Saves | Week 6 Chokes | Week 6 Comebacks | Week 6 KPM | Week 6 Gross Points Per Round | Week 6 Toss Accruacy | Week 6 Cornholes Per Round | Week 6 Cornholes | Week 6 Cornholes Per Game | Week 6 Gross Points | Week 6 Gross Points Per Game | Week 6 Net Points For | Week 6 Net Points Against | Week 6 Net Points For Per Game | Week 6 Net Points Against Per Game | Week 6 Net Point Differential | Week 6 Foot Snags | Cumulative Points For | Cumulative Points Against | Cumulative Points For Per Game | Cumulative Points Against Per Game | Cumulative Point Differential | Cumulative Foot Snags | Cumulative Cornholes | Cumulative Cornholes Per Game | Cumulative Cornholes Per Round | Cumulative Toss Accuracy | Cumulative Gross Points | Cumulative Gross Points Per Game | Cumulative Gross Points Per Round | ||||||||||
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | KP | 5 | 2 | 71% | 5 | - | - | 23.4 | 7.3 | 88% | 1.9 | 82 | 11.7 | 319 | 45.6 | 125 | 73 | 17.9 | 10.4 | 7.4 | 0 | 183 | 181 | 14.1 | 13.9 | 0.2 | - | 83 | 6.38 | 1.28 | 68% | 342 | 26.3 | 5.3 | ||||||||||
| 2 | Nick | 4 | 2 | 67% | 3 | - | - | 21.8 | 6.8 | 86% | 1.7 | 59 | 9.8 | 238 | 39.7 | 117 | 74 | 19.5 | 12.3 | 7.2 | 0 | 276 | 291 | 17.3 | 18.2 | -0.9 | - | 136 | 8.5 | 1.12 | 77% | 646 | 40.4 | 5.3 | ||||||||||
| 3 | Roger | 5 | 0 | 100% | 5 | - | - | 21.8 | 6.8 | 84% | 1.7 | 48 | 9.6 | 190 | 38.0 | 105 | 33 | 21.0 | 6.6 | 14.4 | 0 | 169 | 118 | 16.9 | 11.8 | 5.1 | - | 62 | 6.2 | 1.17 | 71% | 274 | 27.4 | 5.2 | ||||||||||
| 4 | Flowers | 2 | 4 | 33% | - | - | - | 20.0 | 6.3 | 80% | 1.5 | 58 | 9.7 | 238 | 39.7 | 77 | 119 | 12.8 | 19.8 | (7.0) | 0 | 252 | 306 | 14 | 17 | -3 | - | 127 | 7.06 | 1.19 | 63% | 523 | 29.1 | 4.9 | ||||||||||
| 5 | Joe S. | 2 | 5 | 29% | 2 | - | - | 19.1 | 5.9 | 72% | 1.5 | 70 | 10.0 | 273 | 39.0 | 88 | 129 | 12.6 | 18.4 | (5.9) | 0 | 22 | 42 | 11 | 21 | -10 | - | 15 | 7.5 | 1.07 | 70% | 69 | 34.5 | 4.9 | ||||||||||
| 6 | Austin | 6 | 2 | 75% | 4 | - | - | 18.7 | 5.9 | 75% | 1.4 | 73 | 9.1 | 299 | 37.4 | 152 | 111 | 19.0 | 13.9 | 5.1 | 0 | 105 | 222 | 9.5 | 20.2 | -10.6 | - | 60 | 5.45 | 1 | 70% | 289 | 26.3 | 4.8 | ||||||||||
| 7 | Turley | 4 | 3 | 57% | 3 | - | - | 18.6 | 5.9 | 82% | 1.3 | 63 | 9.0 | 283 | 40.4 | 119 | 104 | 17.0 | 14.9 | 2.1 | 0 | 359 | 362 | 15.6 | 15.7 | -0.1 | - | 131 | 5.7 | 0.98 | 71% | 640 | 27.8 | 4.8 | ||||||||||
| 8 | Dan G. | 2 | 5 | 29% | 2 | - | - | 18.4 | 5.9 | 83% | 1.3 | 61 | 8.7 | 281 | 40.1 | 103 | 128 | 14.7 | 18.3 | (3.6) | 0 | 102 | 127 | 12.8 | 15.9 | -3.1 | - | 41 | 5.13 | 0.91 | 71% | 210 | 26.3 | 4.7 | ||||||||||
| 9 | Brent | 2 | 3 | 40% | 2 | - | - | 18.0 | 5.6 | 70% | 1.4 | 48 | 9.6 | 191 | 38.2 | 83 | 89 | 16.6 | 17.8 | (1.2) | 0 | 238 | 331 | 12.5 | 17.4 | -4.9 | - | 101 | 5.32 | 0.98 | 62% | 458 | 24.1 | 4.4 | ||||||||||
| 10 | Dibble | 3 | 2 | 60% | 3 | - | - | 17.4 | 5.5 | 76% | 1.2 | 26 | 5.2 | 116 | 23.2 | 73 | 59 | 14.6 | 11.8 | 2.8 | 0 | 72 | 66 | 18 | 16.5 | 1.5 | - | 21 | 5.25 | 0.84 | 67% | 109 | 27.3 | 4.4 | ||||||||||
| 11 | Craig F. | 2 | 4 | 33% | 1 | - | - | 17.1 | 5.4 | 71% | 1.3 | 37 | 6.2 | 156 | 26.0 | 79 | 110 | 13.2 | 18.3 | (5.2) | 0 | 42 | 12 | 21 | 6 | 15 | - | 10 | 5 | 0.71 | 71% | 60 | 30 | 4.3 | ||||||||||
| 12 | Paul G. | 3 | 2 | 60% | 3 | - | - | 16.6 | 5.3 | 76% | 1.1 | 38 | 7.6 | 180 | 36.0 | 92 | 70 | 18.4 | 14.0 | 4.4 | 0 | 360 | 493 | 13.8 | 19 | -5.1 | - | 136 | 5.23 | 0.81 | 60% | 673 | 25.9 | 4 | ||||||||||
| 13 | Matt H. | 3 | 3 | 50% | 2 | - | - | 15.3 | 5.0 | 77% | 0.9 | 41 | 6.8 | 218 | 36.3 | 109 | 102 | 18.2 | 17.0 | 1.2 | 0 | 31 | 28 | 15.5 | 14 | 1.5 | - | 9 | 4.5 | 0.64 | 64% | 54 | 27 | 3.9 | ||||||||||
| 14 | JG | 3 | 3 | 50% | 2 | - | - | 14.9 | 4.8 | 73% | 0.9 | 34 | 5.7 | 173 | 28.8 | 81 | 103 | 13.5 | 17.2 | (3.7) | 0 | 65 | 113 | 10.8 | 18.8 | -8 | - | 29 | 4.83 | 0.71 | 56% | 150 | 25 | 3.7 | ||||||||||
| 15 | Erik | 0 | 4 | 0% | - | - | - | 14.8 | 4.8 | 75% | 0.9 | 19 | 4.8 | 101 | 25.3 | 18 | 84 | 4.5 | 21.0 | (16.5) | 0 | 81 | 140 | 11.6 | 20 | -8.4 | - | 18 | 2.57 | 0.44 | 55% | 126 | 18 | 3.1 | ||||||||||
| 16 | JV | 5 | 2 | 71% | 4 | - | - | 14.5 | 4.7 | 76% | 0.8 | 37 | 5.3 | 208 | 29.7 | 109 | 120 | 15.6 | 17.1 | (1.6) | 0 | 35 | 39 | 17.5 | 19.5 | -2 | - | 5 | 2.5 | 0.28 | 56% | 50 | 25 | 2.8 | ||||||||||
| 17 | Melissa | 1 | 6 | 14% | 1 | - | - | 11.6 | 3.8 | 61% | 0.7 | 29 | 4.1 | 163 | 23.3 | 108 | 130 | 15.4 | 18.6 | (3.1) | 0 | 61 | 106 | 10.2 | 17.7 | -7.5 | - | 10 | 1.67 | 0.31 | 42% | 74 | 12.3 | 2.3 |