Category: Weekly Recaps

2020 Week 4 Recap

CLAWSON, MICHIGAN – Dibble’s wife was gracious enough to host this crew of flunkies we like to call LEG. It was the first time LEG played at Dibble’s pad, let’s hope it wasn’t the last because it was a hell of a night.

Since joining the league mid-season in 2019, Dibble has been very excited about cornhole. He looks forward to Thursday’s so much that he bailed on his Thursday night horseshoe league. He also shares that excitement with several of his friends, which has seemed to create some skepticism of how great LEG really is.

Last fall he told his friend Brad all about the league. A few of the LEG members later met Brad, and agreed he should come out to play some time. Then during the off-season the disrespect started. On several occasions Dibble talked about how legit Brad was, and I have no reason to believe he’s not a good player. But, Dibble also shared that Brad was talking shit – presumably about how he’s better than “us” and he’d come in and kick all our asses.

That’s a nice thought, especially considering he’d never seen any of us play. It’s also cute because he’s been invited to play several times, and not only did he not play, but he didn’t even respond to the invitations. Talk shit, then hide in the corner when invited to prove how legit you are? Disrespect.

I give you that background because it ties into this week. A few of Dibble’s horseshoe league friends stopped by the house to see what all the buzz was about. “Why did he quit horseshoes for cornhole?” they thought.

So, Ray and Wiggles got a taste of LEG. Wiggles is a solid player and Ray had a very good night, shooting 72% and posting a 14.5 KPM on his way to a 4-2 record. But we later learned that Ray also had some disrespect for the league, saying early in the night that he didn’t think “these guys were very good.”

Hey, he started the night 2-0, with head-to-head wins over KP and Galz. He should feel good about that. But what was he watching? In his first victory he partnered with Wiggles to beat KP and Coach Mike, 21-16. The head-to-head against KP was 68 gross points to 63 gross points and 15 cornholes to 13 cornholes, both in favor of Ray (the game went 12 rounds). Tip of the cap to Ray, he was excellent. But if those numbers don’t garner respect for your opponent, I don’t know what will.

At the end of the night, the numbers don’t lie. Ray’s head-to-head nightly totals against some of the top players went like this:

  • Nick – 39 – 20 in Nick’s favor
  • Galz – 67 – 60 in Galz’s favor
  • KP – 68 – 63 in Ray’s favor (the two never faced head-to-head after the first battle)
  • Ray didn’t play JV or Dibble head-to-head

The good news is Ray changed his mind by the end of the night, admitting to Dibble that there are a lot of good players and he had fun playing with us. The better news is that Ray is a great guy, and we also had fun playing with him, welcoming him into the league.

But what is it with outsiders disrespecting the league? Even Dibble came in last year with guns blazing. He had some early success by winning the Singles Tournament, and thought he was going to dominate everyone and everything moving forward. He has been served several doses of reality since then – he’s not the only good player in this league. In fact, there are many, and everyone is capable of winning/losing a match against anyone else. That’s part of why this is fun. The other reason it’s fun is because we all RESPECT one another, and while we are certainly competitive, we don’t sacrifice sportsmanship at the expense of competitiveness. LEAGUE OF EXTRAORDINARY GENTLEMEN. Don’t forget it, and if you don’t know what we’re about, come educate yourself before you judge us.

NEED MORE EVIDENCE?

I really don’t need to say another word justifying that the guys in this league can play. In fact, I didn’t need to write the 667 words in the opening of this recap either. Everyone who matters knows the truth. But here is another reminder of how good we are – every single player this week produced a KPM of 10.0 or higher and shot at least 60%.

  • Dibble – 16.2 and 83% accuracy
  • KP – 15.5 and 77% accuracy
  • Nick – 14.8 and 80% accuracy
  • Galz – 14.7 and 75% accuracy
  • Ray – 14.5 and 72% accuracy
  • JV – 11.7 and 65% accuracy
  • Paul – 11.3 and 69% accuracy
  • Coach Mike – 11.0 and 60% (I see you, Coach! Atta boy!)
  • Erik – 10.0 and 67% accuracy

Those are some damn good bags!

GAME OF THE NIGHT

The Game of the Night pitted KP and Nick versus Dibble and Galz in Game 9. This was one of the most intense games of the season, not only because it was back and forth, but because of how huge the momentum swings were.

Dibble and Galz jumped out to a 9-3 lead after four innings, led by an excellent second inning from Galz where he outscored Nick, 7-1.

KP and Nick erased the deficit and tied the game in the fifth inning when KP posted a 10-6 round against Dibble, and Nick bested Galz in the bottom half of the inning, 7-5.

Nick stayed hot in the sixth inning and pushed his team’s lead to 14-11 after draining two cornholes on the way to an 8-3 advantage. Over the course of the fifth and sixth innings, KP and Nick produced an 11-2 to get back in the game, and take the lead.

Galz and Dibble weren’t done, as they chipped away over the next few rounds to tie the game, again, 14-14.

In the top of the ninth inning Dibble returned the 10-point round against KP, swishing three cornholes to win the round 10-6 and give his team a critical 18-14 lead. Smelling blood in the water, Galz tried to clinch the win for his team in the bottom of the ninth inning.

He had a 5-3 advantage on Nick, each with one bag remaining. Galz had two options to win the game:

  • Throw one on the board for a 6-3 advantage and hope Nick misses his last bag
  • Throw one in the hole for an 8-3 advantage, creating a situation where the game is over unless Nick also makes cornhole on his final bag

If you know Galz, and we all do, he goes for the kill shot 10000000% of the time. He’s in maximum overdrive on the aggressiveness, and will never change. That’s part of what makes him so great – the aggressiveness and belief he can make any shot in any situation.

Galz fired his final toss and it ricocheted off one of Nick’s blockers, missing the board completely. Nick chose to fight another day and placed his final bag on the board, limiting the damage to a 5-4 advantage for Galz.

In the top of the tenth inning, the score was 19-14 in favor of Dibble and Galz, and Dibble had the honors to throw first. With a clean board, Dibble sank his first bag and applied tons of pressure on KP.

KP’s first toss nuzzled right up to the front of the hole, a perfect blocker to throw Dibble’s eye off. Dibble’s approach to his second toss appeared to be a push shot where he took KP’s blocker in the hole along with his own. However, he threw wide of the hole and the extra steam attempting to hit a push shot carried the bag off the back of the board.

KP’s second toss was perfectly executed, but dragged his first bag to the hole and the two bags combined to plug the hole. “How didn’t those two go down?” KP begged to the sideline. JV, keeping score, shook his head and shrugged his shoulders, acknowledging the great shot and unfortunate result.

Dibble’s third bag was on the board for a point, just short of the hole.

KP needed some heroics. He was down 4-2 in the round, and his team 19-14 for the game. His first two bags were on the hole, but not in, so he trusted the positive feelings he had to execute another shot. He threw his third bag high, going for the airmail to take three bags down. As soon as it released his hand, it looked good.

The bag landed perfectly on top of the two plugged bags, and with enough force to take all three bags into the hole! What a shot! An airmail for nine points!

The players on the sidelines were excited, sensing how big of a shot KP just hit. Suddenly Dibble faced a 9-4 deficit (and a 19-19 game) with each player having one bag remaining.

Dibble’s fourth bag was just under the hole and to the right, creating a slight lane between his third and fourth bags – a lane that KP felt good about hitting. Let’s face it, at this point KP felt like the hole was the ocean, and anything he threw was going in.

KP once again trusted his rhythm, and focused on the lane between Dibble’s bags. He fired a low heater that plowed throw Dibble’s bags and slid into the hole!

A 12-point round for KP! “FUCK YEAH!” he screamed. Then he paused for a few seconds before the realization hit – “That’s game! It was 19-14 before this round, right?” a rhetorical question to set-up what was coming next. “Yeah, it was 19-14, and then my round was 12-5, good for seven points. Add those seven points to our 14, and that’s game! 21-19!”

Dibble and Galz couldn’t believe it. Nick was still doing the math in his head as KP fist bumped JV and others on the sideline.

What a game. What a 12-point walk-off by KP.

As you might expect, KP’s walk-off 12-point round is this week’s Mushroom Stamp Moment. It’s hard to top a 12-point round, but even harder to top THIS 12-point round. JV admitted, “that round, and that game, might have been one of the best I’ve ever seen. That was amazing.”

FIRST CHOKE OF THE SEASON

The first choke of the season occurred in Game 4, which featured KP and Paul against Nick and Coach Mike. For those who need a reminder, in 2019 we defined new metrics – save, choke and comeback. For more detailed information, the 2019 Week 1 recap is linked. But in short, if a team possesses a 10+ point lead in a match and failed to win the match, they receive a “choke,” while the team who came back to win the match receives a “comeback.”

https://legcornhole.com/2019/05/03/2019-week-1-recap/

Nick and Coach raced out to a 17-6 advantage (note, that’s an 11 point lead), and were absolutely dominating. During that stretch Nick crushed KP, outscoring him 17-7, while Paul did his best to keep pace with Coach, losing that battle, 9-8.

Just when it seemed like it was over, Paul and KP came alive…well, mostly Paul, but KP decided to actually stop getting butt-fucked so hard by Nick.

Paul led his team on a 13-1 run over three innings to give his team a 19-18 lead, thanks to rounds of: 7-4, 1-1, and an enormous 8-1 round.

KP held steady and owned a 17-15 advantage over Nick during that same stretch.

After exchanging blows in the seventh inning, the game was tied, 20-20. In the top of the eighth, KP drained two cornholes en route to a 7-4 advantage to complete the comeback and hand Nick and Coach Mike a “choke.”

This game was strongly considered for Game of the Night, but just couldn’t stack up with the drama involved with Game 9.

NEWS AND NOTES

  • We’ve already talked about KP’s 12-point round, but he added five 10-point rounds to his resume this week. As outstanding as he was, which included a 15.5 KPM and 77% accuracy, he still finished with a 3-4 record. Think about that for a moment – it should tell you (AGAIN) just how good this league is.
  • Despite ribbing Ray in the intro of this recap, he had a nice week, posting three 10-point rounds on his way to a 14.5 KPM and 4-2 record.
  • Erik was really good in an abbreviated evening, shooting 67% and posting a 10.0 KPM during his three games (1-2 record). He also outscored JV head-to-head this week, 36-27.
  • Dibble took advantage of the home court, registering a 16.5 KPM while going 4-1 – the only loss coming during the Game of the Night. He also scored two 10-point rounds this week.
  • Paul had one of the best weeks of his career, shooting 69%, posting an 11.3 KPM, leading his team to a major comeback in Game 4, and going 3-3 overall during an exceptionally competitive week.

Overall, the competition was fierce and every single guy produced at a high level, which was summarized in the opening when each player’s KPM and accuracy were outlined. This week, every LEG player deserves a standing ovation for representing the legitimacy of the league.

2020 Week 3 Recap

BEVERLY HILLS, MICHIGAN – The most controversial aspect of LEG is the foot snag. And while it’s not as exciting as an airmail, 12-point round, or a match decided by a walk-off toss, it has always been a hell of a source of entertainment.

For those who don’t know, the foot snag was invented by LEG in 2016. That’s right, we invented it and I’d challenge anyone to prove otherwise.

The concept is simple – a wayward toss that is gathered and controlled on another player’s foot (like a hacky sack) prior to the errant toss hitting the ground is considered to be a successful foot snag.

The thrill of a foot snag is twofold: 1) it’s damn hard to perform considering the unpredictability of speed and direction of the bag’s carom off the board; 2) and more importantly, the player who threw the errant toss is required to chug/finish their beer before the match is allowed to continue.

The concept was perfected by Humberto, who is widely considered to be the best foot snagger of all-time. He has single-handedly been a difference maker in tournaments through use of the foot snag, snagging players so that their intoxication level skyrockets and their skills diminish.

It wasn’t hard to convince the league that the foot snag needed to be a staple of LEG, and the numbers reflected that.

  • In 2016 there were 38 total foot snags.
  • In 2017 the total grew to 139, and we had a legitimate regular season race between JV and Adam for the foot snag crown. JV totaled 35, while Adam fell just short with 34. It was like a modern day McGwire vs. Sosa, without the steroids.
  • In 2018, Adam was on a mission to win the foot snag crown and he did with ease, snagging 43 bags on the year. The league total dipped to 99, which was reflective of some brewing controversy among certain league members.
  • In 2019, the controversy came to a head with several players calling it a distraction, claiming the game suffered because of it. Arguments can be made for each side, but the divisiveness of the topic caused many players to stop attempting the foot snag. The 2019 league total was just 11 snags, and JV had six of them.

Foot snags were trending toward classification as an endangered species. But it’s amazing what some new blood can inject into the league!

This week Jimmy popped his LEG cherry, which allowed players the opportunity to paint a full picture of the league – we gave a tutorial on the scoring format, the statistics spreadsheet, KPM concept, warned him of the consequences of losing a game 21-0, and of course, introduced the foot snag.

Listen, it’s our obligation to ensure every LEG player knows the league inside and out. We owed it to Jimmy to educate him on the foot snag rule. And then that new MFer went out and snagged three bags in his first week, including foot snagging his own partner, Paul, TWICE in Game 6! Of course Paul had to return the favor, foot snagging Jimmy later in Game 6.

No wonder they lost that game 21-5 to Erik and Barker…

Many players think it’s a sin to foot snag at all. But foot snagging your own partner is about as bad as it gets, in some players’ minds.

My view? Fuck it, foot snag anyone and everyone. You don’t want to be foot snagged? Don’t throw an inaccurate bag!

Thank you, Jimmy. We needed your energy and passion for rejuvenating the foot snag.

GAME OF THE NIGHT

The Game of the Night featured Jimmy and JV against Paul and Turley in Game 1. Jimmy’s inaugural game, and he makes the cut for Game of the Night!

Things didn’t go Jimmy’s way early on in this one. Through the first three innings, Jimmy scored just one gross point – 1/12 shooting to start his LEG career, and Paul capitalized by outscoring him 9-1 during that stretch.

JV wasn’t much better during that period, losing his head-to-head battle with Turley, 8-7. Jimmy and JV quickly found themselves in an 11-2 hole.

Jimmy flashed his potential in the fourth inning when he outscored Paul, 4-0, but his team’s deficit was still 14-6.

In the top of the sixth inning JV scored all four of his tosses, including one cornhole, while Turley managed only one toss on the board. A 6-1 advantage shrunk the margin to 14-11, and Jimmy piled on in the bottom of the sixth by besting Paul, 3-0.

The sixth inning surge allowed Jimmy and JV to tie the match at 14-14, and JV gave his team a 16-14 lead in the top of the seventh to cap a 10-0 scoring run.

Paul and Turley needed to answer. They were on the ropes, at risk of nearly choking away the game. That’s when Paul stepped in to save the game – in the bottom of the seventh he nailed a cornhole on his first toss, then scared the hole with his second toss settling fractions from another cornhole. Paul’s third toss was aggressive, clearly trying to take the second toss into the hole. But the toss was offline and long. Paul collected his nerves, and fired his final bag at the hole. It had a lot of steam on it, but tracked directly at the hole…the bag hit high on the board and slid into the hole, taking the other bag with it!

Two cornholes on the final toss of the inning, good for a 9-3 advantage and a 20-16 lead overall.

JV kept his team in it, cutting the deficit to 20-18 in the top of the eighth inning. But all eyes turned back to Jimmy and Paul in the bottom of the eighth.

Jimmy’s four throws produced four gross points, and Paul had managed just two points after his first three tosses. Paul had one bag remaining, and faced the possibility of a 20-20 tie, with bags going back to JV and Turley.

Paul stared at the hole, swinging his arm slowly back-and-forth, presumably developing a rhythm and measuring his throw. But it’s entirely possible he was daydreaming about which beer he’d drink next, and was clueless about the situation he was in. Nobody can ever tell with Paul, which is why we love him!

Paul let a low line-drive go toward the hole. Once again, this toss had heat on it. Once again, his final bag landed high on the board and pushed another bag in for a cornhole on it’s way into the hole.

Two cornholes on the final toss of the inning, for the second consecutive inning! This time, he erased a 4-2 deficit and flipped it to a 7-4 advantage, which closed the match, 21-18.

Paul’s clutch shots in the seventh and eighth innings were turning points in the match, and prevented Jimmy from his first career victory. For that, Paul earns this week’s Mushroom Stamp Moment, his second of the 2020 season.

NEWS AND NOTES

Week 3 presented difficult playing conditions because of a strong breeze and uneven footing for the players to navigate in their throwing stance. KP decided to play in a new area of the yard to help preserve the health of his grass, and to avoid pissing off his neighbors, who interrogated Paul and Jimmy at the beginning of the night.

Several players still had really strong performances, but in general accuracy and consistency suffered.

  • Jimmy cracks cornholes and he don’t care! It’s true, Jimmy knocked in 0.41 cornholes per round, which is really good given the playing conditions and the fact that he was making his LEG debut. His KPM was just 6.4, primarily due to 31% accuracy. By comparison, Jimmy wasn’t too far off from the following players, who have a solid track record:
    • Paul shot 32% and had a 7.1 KPM, which is crazy given the loud moments and MSM he had this week.
    • Erik shot 39% and registered an 8.0 KPM
    • Turley shot 43% and had an 8.6 KPM

Though Jimmy lost his first career game in heart-breaking fashion, he did finally get his first win and ended the night with a 2-4 record. Most importantly, he brought the foot snag back into style!

  • Barker made his season debut and didn’t have much rust in his game. Despite the playing conditions, he shot 63% on his way to a 12.1 KPM and 2-1 record. The highlight of his night was holding off Galz in Game 10, losing the head-to-head battle, 39-37. Barker’s neutralization of Galz was key in helping his team to a 21-11 victory, including surviving a 10-point round from Galz by posting eight points to prevent a huge scoring swing.
  • Speaking of Galz, the playing conditions seemed like no problem for him. He was the only player to produce a 10-point round (he had three of them), and he swished cornholes at a ridiculous 1.18 per round while also shooting 62%. His 15.4 KPM is really high on any night, let alone one like this. Galz was a stud, finishing the night 4-2 overall and was the most imposing player this week.
  • JV was the most accurate player, shooting 65% this week. His 11.8 KPM is also impressive, and could’ve been much higher if he had made a few more cornholes (he averaged 0.66 per round). He finished 2-3 overall, and was oh-so-close to being on the right side of .500 if the Game of the Night had swung his (and Jimmy’s) way.
  • KP posted a 13.4 KPM, which looks great on paper. However, that was inflated simply because of his cornhole rate (0.97 per round). His accuracy was way down (58% tonight, compared to 69% for the season coming into week 3) and, even more importantly, he was victim to two 21-5 losses. It’s hard to call that a good night when you get bombed that badly, no matter what the numbers say. He finished the night 3-3 overall

2020 PRESEASON KICK-OFF TOURNAMENT RECAP – GUESS WHO’S BACK, BACK AGAIN?

CLAWSON, MICHIGAN – Lions and tigers and bears, OH MY!

More like, mullets and tigers and jorts, OH…MY…GAWD!

The 2020 Preseason Kick-off Tournament went all-out gay hillbilly zoo with the “Joe Exotic” theme.

Paul keeping the tiger tame

Paul brought his tiger to the tournament. JV nailed Doc Antle, without all the hoes. KP went full Tiger King by painting Bengal stripes in his beard. And, Nick and Erik looked like the perfect hicks to lead the remaining bums around tiger cages, scooping shit and shooting guns.

It’s unbelievable the Clawson PD didn’t show up at Coach Mike’s to arrest every one of us. We all violated our restraining order because we were too close to all the kids at Clawson High School.

It was gross. It was glorious.

LEG Exotic

 

 

 

DRAFT LOTTERY

After the most competitive tournament we’ve ever had to finish the 2019 season, we decided to follow a similar format for the Draft Lottery. The 12 players were ranked using a combination of current and prior year KPM (some players had not yet made a 2020 appearance, so in those cases their 2019 data was used), and a line was drawn between the #6 and #7 ranked players to create two groups:

  • Players ranked #7 – #12 represented the drafters – each player was given one ping pong ball with their name on it, and were all given equal odds to earn the #1 overall pick. This group of players included:
    • Paul
    • Bushie
    • Coach Mike
    • Erik
    • Jack
    • Steve
  • Players ranked #1 – #6 were excluded from the lottery wheel and represented the pool of draftees. This group of players included:
    • Nick
    • Dibble
    • Galz
    • JV
    • Tony
    • KP

The lottery wheel was spinning, all players eagerly awaiting the selection of the first ping pong ball. The first ball was snatched and rolled down the ramp to reveal the fortunate winner of the #1 overall pick – Coach Mike! Now that’s some homecourt cooking, if I’ve ever seen it.

The rest of the lottery order was determined (see summary table below), and then it was time to draft partners. With so many good players to choose from, Coach Mike couldn’t go wrong…could he?

Coach Mike was on the clock. MC Tony D. holding the mic, waiting for the pick to be in…and then, “I guess we have to run this back,” Coach Mike said, uneasiness in his voice. “I’ll take Dibble.”

MC Tony D. officially announces, “With the first pick in the 2020 LEG Preseason Kick-off Tournament, Coach Mike selects Dibble!”

And there it was, the same duo “running it back,” trying to avenge a disappointing 2019 Postseason Tournament.

After a few picks, Steve was on the clock with pick #4 and couldn’t believe who was still available…Nick! Steve took a pull from his beer, searched for a bong hit but came up empty because Bushie wasn’t around, so instead he turned to MC Tony D. – “Winkler,” he said, nonchalantly.

This was a *real* team running it back. Steve felt like he was getting a steal at #4, and who could argue? After all, in the 2019 Postseason Tournament Steve won rights to the #1 pick and selected Nick. They were excellent in the tournament, earning the #1 seed after round robin play, and marching all the way to the semifinals before elimination.

Here is how the rest of the draft played out, including draft order, players drafted, and team names:

Pick Player Partner Drafted Team Name
1 Coach Mike Dibble “Bat Wing”
2 Jack KP “$80 of Baking Soda”
3 Paul Galz “Daddy’s Home”
4 Steve Nick “Stinkler”
5 Erik JV “Wolfe Pack”
6 Bushie** Tony “Cockweights”

**Bushie was a last minute scratch from the tournament, leaving Tony without a partner. Unfortunately for Tony, that meant his “team” forfeited every game during round robin play. However, Coach Mike found a neighborhood friend, Jesse, who wanted to play, and that allowed Tony a chance to compete in the tournament.

ROUND ROBIN

Note: All win/loss records in parenthesis are adjusted to exclude the forfeited win given to each team due to “Cockweights” not having two guys play during round robin.

The tournament was structured to create the optimal competitive balance, and on paper the teams appeared to have achieved the goal. However, round robin was anything but competitive. Excluding the forfeited games by “Cockweights” there were 20 games in round robin. Only two of those 20 games were decided by five points or less, and both of those two games were 21-16 finishes.

“Stinkler”

At the forefront of blowout city was “Stinkler,” going 5-0 (4-0) without breaking a sweat. Nick actually looked like the guy who won a championship in 2016 and a Singles title in 2018 – he beat the brakes off every single challenger. Meanwhile, Steve also caught fire and was dominating his head-to-head match-ups.

Every team who lined up against “Stinkler” had one goal – attempt to draw even against Nick, and whomever was head-to-head with Steve had to win that match-up. Well, that didn’t work. Not even close. “Stinkler” routed the competition:

  • Beat “Daddy’s Home” 21 – 12
  • Beat “Wolfe Pack” 21 – 3
  • Beat “Bat Wing” 21 – 11
  • Beat “$80 of Baking Soda” 21 – 10
  • Forfeit win over “Cockweights” 21 – 0

The dynamic duo easily earned the #1 overall seed, their second-consecutive tournament earning that honor. Now, the only question was if they could cash in on that advantage.

“Bat Wing”

Speaking of “running it back,” let’s check in on “Bat Wing.” Coach Mike looked primed for a strong performance, and has experience with deep runs in tournaments. The only runs Dibble has experience with are the ones he deposited in Bushie’s toilet after too many PBRs and hot wings.

In fairness to Dibble, he has only played in one doubles tournament prior to this. However, he is supremely confident and has the league’s highest KPM accumulated through the Thursday night regular season.

Unfortunately “Bat Wing” picked up where the duo left off in the 2019 Postseason Tournament…in disappointing fashion. They lost all round robin games (excluding the forfeit win over “Cockweights”), and seemed to lose all confidence in the process.

  • Lost to “$80 of Baking Soda” 12 – 21
  • Lost to “Daddy’s Home” 7 – 21
  • Lost to “Stinkler” 11 – 21
  • Lost to “Wolfe Pack” 16 – 21, which was competitive, but JV got the upper hand against Dibble, and closed him out to clinch the match
  • Forfeit win over “Cockweights” 21 – 0

Things were so bad for “Bat Wing” that even their forfeit victory didn’t hold water. Once Jesse arrived and allowed “Cockweights” an opportunity to compete, “Bat Wing” offered them a friendly warm-up match before the triple-elimination tournament began. This match didn’t impact seeding, and literally meant nothing. Though, it was a critical opportunity for “Bat Wing” to find a rhythm to jump start their day.

Once again, they were denied any momentum. Jesse, while rusty, still outplayed Coach Mike, and Tony made Dibble looked like the pre-teens Tony’s used to bullying in cornhole.

“Daddy’s Home”

On the other side of the coin, “Daddy’s Home” was on a roll! Sure, they lost 12 – 21 to “Stinkler,” but they won the rest of their matches to finish 4-1 (3-1), and earned the #2 seed in the process.

Paul pulled double duty, taming his tiger and taming his head-to-head opponents. Meanwhile, Galz looked like a hillbilly Oklahoman who just walked out of a gay Miami club at 5 am, only to kick everyone’s ass in cornhole.

“5 am Galz” with his tiger trainer, Paul

These guys were kicking ass and taking names. Did they have enough to topple “Stinkler”? Galz is a former champion (2019 Preseason Kick-Off), and had an epic head-to-head battle with Nick in the title match of the 2018 Singles Tournament. He eventually lost that match, but proved he’s not intimated by Nick and has the game to beat him.

Paul hasn’t won a title, but he’s made several appearances deep in tournaments, including leading his partnership with Bushie to a semifinal appearance. Paul also consumes enough liquid courage to help him mentally. “Daddy’s Home” has a nice recipe brewing for title contention.

“$80 of Baking Soda”

Jack selected KP with the second pick in the draft, and the defending champion was eager to become the fourth player to win consecutive tournament championships, joining JG, JV, and Barker.

Jack started round robin throwing good, consistent bags. Unfortunately for him, his prized pick wasn’t holding up his end of the deal. Maybe it was bad juju from selecting a team name that mocked the host (Coach Mike). If so, the bad juju is worth the mocking because you can’t drop $80 on powder in the streets of NOLA and have it turn out to be baking soda.

Regardless the reason, KP didn’t have anything going early on. In fact, “$80 of Baking Soda” hung around in tough losses to “Daddy’s Home” (14-21), “Stinkler” (10-21), and “Wolfe Pack” (16-21) solely because of Jack grinding in those matches.

After starting 0-3 in round robin with only one more match remaining, KP reassured Jack they were going to be ok. “We gotta get this game against Dibble and Coach, and that will get us rolling! We’re this close!” he said, holding his thumb and pointer finger half an inch apart, as if he were milking a cat (yes, cats can be milked. You can milk anything with nipples).

Dibble and Coach Mike have nipples, and they got milked in the final round robin match against Jack and KP! Wait, that seems like a bad analogy, especially when talking about Aunt Millie Mike, the king of bun runs. As I write that, all I picture is Dibble and Coach face down on tables, d*ckhole cut out of it, waiting eagerly.

How about, “Jack and KP bullied Dibble and Coach Mike, stole their lunch and took their milk money”? That’s better, though still not enough to erase what I’ve created…

A 21-12 convincing victory for “$80 of Baking Soda” reinforced KP’s message. But was it what the doctor ordered?

“Wolfe Pack”

With JV as the anchor, “Wolfe Pack” seemed to have a legit shot at a title. After all, JV has appeared in three championship matches (winning two) since joining the league in 2017. He’s batting .500 as far as making it to the final match. He has more title appearances than Doc Antle has women, and that’s damn tough to beat!

Adding fuel to JV’s fire is the fact he was the fifth overall pick, and technically the last player picked in the draft. “Tournament JV” is dangerous. “Tournament JV” with a chip on his shoulder is lethal.

However, “Wolfe Pack” looked more like a roller coaster than a title contender during round robin. They played in the only two “close” games, though they did win both. But 21-16 victories over downtrodden “Bat Wing” and struggling “$80 of Baking Soda” aren’t hat-hanging worthy. Tack on 3-21 and 9-21 losses to “Stinkler” and “Daddy’s Home,” respectively, and it was hard to call “Wolfe Pack” a true contender. They did earn the #3 seed, allowing them to avoid “Stinkler” for a few rounds.

OPENING ROUND AND WINNERS’ BRACKET

Upon conclusion of round robin matches the commissioner dropped another bomb on the players. Instead of rewarding the best teams from round robin with a bye in the opening round of the tournament, the worst seeded teams would now be rewarded with the opening round byes.

All players were confused. Why would the commissioner make this ruling? The curve ball was predetermined earlier in the week, the goal of which was to create more competitive balance. The new rule forces the top four seeds to square off in the opening round, guaranteeing that two of those top four seeds will incur an immediate loss. It also provides a slight reprieve to the bottom two seeds.

The reformatted bracket looked like this:

After their forgettable round robin performance, “Bat Wing” found themselves with a much needed first round bye. “Cockweights” solidified the other bye thanks to five forfeitures.

The opening round of the tournament featured intriguing match-ups, but once again the favored teams easily handled their business:

  • #1 “Stinkler” trucked #4 “$80 of Baking Soda,” 21-9. Steve played out of his mind, riding the rhythm of his long, sweeping lefty toss. At the other end, Nick continued resemble championship form by putting a stranglehold on KP.
  • In the other opening round match, #2 “Daddy’s Home” beat #3 “Wolfe Pack” for the second time of the day. This time, Galz overpowered JV on the way to a 21-12 victory. Galz had his power game working in this match, pushing JV’s blockers out of the way with ease, and draining cornholes almost every round.

“Stinkler” advanced to play “Cockweights,” which was an intriguing game given Tony hadn’t played all day, and Jesse’s talent was still a mystery. Tony’s a very good player, and capable of getting on a roll to neutralize Nick. Could Jesse dominate the head-to-head with Steve, giving the #6 seed a fighting chance at a monster upset?

Not this time. “Cockweights” played a respectable match, but things were never really in doubt. “Stinkler” cruised to a 21-12 win, and ran their winning streak to six games.

“Daddy’s Home” had little trouble with #5 “Bat Wing” in round robin, controlling them in a 21-7 win. In the second round, they tamed “Bat Wing” again by the same score, 21-7.

A tournament full of promising parity was now all chalk in the Winners’ Bracket, pitting #1 “Stinkler” against #2 “Daddy’s Home” for a spot in the Winners’ Bracket semifinals.

Galz started the match throwing big blows at Nick, hitting cornholes in each of the first three rounds to keep the match close, just a 9-8 deficit. But Steve dropped a 10-point round on Paul to break the game open, and that cushion was enough to convince Nick to become just a bit more aggressive in trying to hold off Galz’s attempts at big rounds.

“Stinkler” closed the game on a 12-4 run and won going away, 21-12. Their exceptional play had positioned them as the team to beat.

SURVIVAL OF THE FITTEST

After receiving a gift with the opening round bye, “Bat Wing” squandered a great opportunity to kick-start their tournament, losing to “Daddy’s Home,” 21-7. That sent them to the Losers’ Bracket against “Wolfe Pack,” who was also trying to find consistency.

That’s when Erik finally stepped up. Nobody knows what caused it, but Erik reached new heights in this game. He crushed Coach Mike in the head-to-head match! Maybe it was all the nightmares of Coach Mike calling him “Sam” when they first met, saying, “You can have your name back when you earn it.”

Well, he certainly earned it in this one. Erik was crucial in leading his team to a 21-11 win, which also dropped “Bat Wing” to one game from elimination.

“Cockweights” pulled the first upset of the day when they topped “$80 of Baking Soda,” 21-13. Tony danced circles around KP, and Jesse’s beautiful spinning pancake found more consistency than Jack. It was a statement win, and set up a big match with “Wolfe Pack.”

Could “Cockweights” continue their surge and pull another upset? They hardly looked like an underdog against “$80 of Baking Soda,” and you have to wonder if they would’ve been one of the top seeds had they played round robin. This was a scary game for “Wolfe Pack.”

Scary as it may have been, some movies just aren’t as scary anymore when you’ve seen them over and over. Tell me if you’ve heard this before – big tournament match requiring an exceptional performance to avoid facing elimination, and JV rises to the occasion. This seems to happen several times every tournament, and it happened for the first time in the 2020 Preseason Kick-Off in this game.

JV made “Cockweights” look like they had a 45 pound plate strapped to their shaft. He was dealing, displaying his array of shot-making skills – rainbow airmails, perfectly placed D-bag blockers preventing Tony from good looks at the hole, bully bags to force Tony’s bags out of position, and right-to-left shot shaping to sink precise cornholes.

THIS is the JV many expected to see, it just took him half the day to finally show up. He led “Wolfe Pack” to a convincing 21-9 win over “Cockweights,” earning a match with “Daddy’s Home” for the third time.

JV’s killer instinct was on full blast, and Erik’s confidence was sky rocketing. After already losing twice to “Daddy’s Home,” “Wolfe Pack” showed up for this one pissed off, ready to kick ass and chew bubble gum; except they were all out of bubble gum!

“Wolfe Pack” almost played a perfect game while dissecting “Daddy’s Home,” 21-12, avenging two prior losses. Suddenly, “Wolfe Pack” climbed back up for air and earned a shot at “Stinkler.”

Meanwhile, “Daddy’s Home” was reeling after two straight losses. Paul had let the tiger out of the cage too soon, and needed to tame it ASAP. Galz was running on fumes from clubbing in Miami until 5 am and either needed a tranny or a line of baking soda. Where’s Coach Mike when you need him?!?!

BYE FELICIA!

Who would’ve thought the teams owning the #1 and #2 draft picks would be the first to face elimination? Two straight losses sent “Bat Wing” and “$80 of Baking Soda” to the bottom left of the bracket, which means they were fighting for their tournament lives in an elimination game.

KP felt it was time for another inspirational moment. He walked Jack over to the bracket, “We are fine! Play our game, we are fine. In all the tournaments I’ve played, I’ve never not made it here,” he preached, as he pointed to the semifinal game on the bracket. “I promise you we will get there. Play your game, play confident, and don’t worry about mistakes. We will get there.”

Ice cream makes losing feel better

That seemed like a bold statement considering it was four games away, “$80 of Baking Soda” had no room for error, and they had not played well all day.

But they had what the doctor ordered – “Bat Wing.” KP was focused and hellbent on crushing Dibble. He had to be, after his bracket sermon with Jack. Dibble had no chance against KP, nor did Coach Mike against Jack.

“$80 of Baking Soda” rolled to a 21-15 win, keeping hope alive and sending “Bat Wing” home with an 0-8 record on the day. Since Coach and Dibble couldn’t “run it back,” they ran to the neighborhood ice cream man upon elimination.

KP kept his promise to Jack. After beating “Bat Wing,” they ripped off consecutive wins in elimination games against “Cockweights” (21-3) and “Daddy’s Home” (21-12), landing a spot in the semifinals.

KP helping “$80 of Baking Soda” make a deep run

CHAMPIONSHIP BERTHS

“$80 of Baking Soda” cemented their spot in the semifinals, albeit crawling through the mud of the Double Losers’ Bracket. They awaited the showdown between “Stinkler” and “Wolfe Pack.”

“Stinkler” was winning with such ease that their biggest opponent was battling rust and complacency while waiting for the Losers’ Bracket to shakeout.

Steve passing time waiting for his title match opponent

They also had their hands full with a dangerous “Wolfe Pack” squad. The only prior meeting between these two squads was a 21-3 throttling by “Stinkler” in round robin play. That match was a loooooooong time ago, and this is a different “Wolfe Pack.”

JV gets all the hype, and deservedly so. But, an unsung hero continues to emerge and that’s Erik. In this enormous game, he played enormously. Erik stepped on Steve’s throat early and applied more pressure with every throw, hoping he’d tap out.

Erik helped his team hang around, and deep into the match it was tied, 12-12. The bags were in the big guns’ hands, and JV was the right man for this moment. He drained three cornholes and boarded another bag, while Nick could muster just four points – JV posted a commanding 10-4 round to put his team up 18-12!

This was the first time all day “Stinkler” had truly been tested. The bags went back to Erik and Steve, and Erik tosses first.

CORNHOLE!

Holy shit! Technically it was 21-12, though Steve still had four more bags remaining (Erik with three). The untouchable now seemed human!

Steve puffs his cigar and let’s a bag fly. CORNHOLE!

What an answer! That shot seemed to deflate Erik, as his next three tosses missed the board. Steve capitalized by sinking two more cornholes, good for a 9-3 round and just like that it was tied, 18-18.

“Stinkler” was on the ropes, and Steve fought his ass off to keep things alive for Nick.

The very next round, Nick closed the game by getting the best of JV. “Stinkler” pulled off an unbelievable 21-18 win, when moments prior it looked like they were going to get upended.

The victory advanced them to the title match, and their undefeated record meant their title match opponent had to win three straight games to claim The Cup.

PROMISES ARE MADE TO BE BROKEN

Two teams remained opposite “Stinkler,” and now the winner would earn a title match bid and the opportunity to climb the championship mountain, needing to beat “Stinkler” three consecutive games.

KP and Jack had been battling for their tournament lives with no room for error. They were ready to get one more win under their belt and punch a ticket to the title match. They weren’t intimidated by “Wolfe Pack,” though they lost the only other match of the day against them in round robin (21-16).

The intensity of this match was so thick you could cut it with a knife. Not even a passed out Galz periodically waking up to vomit in the background could distract these four players.

The tiger tamed Galz

A back-and-forth game throughout was 15-14 in favor of “Wolfe Pack” after six or seven rounds. Erik and JV both refused to lose, each contributing three net points to end the game on a 6-1 run to win, 21-15.

JV gave a fist pump in the final moments and celebrated with Erik – “Screw KPM! That shit means nothing! We just went through a tournament and beat Dibble, KP, Galz, Coach, and Tony. Don’t be scared of anyone!”

JV was right. This tournament proved Erik is capable of taking his game to new heights, and JV was the perfect partner to push him there.

“$80 of Baking Soda” was disappointed, their run was over. But they were proud of the championship mettle emergence when their backs were against the wall.

CHAMPIONSHIP – “STINKLER” vs. “WOLFE PACK”

The title match was set, and though “Stinkler” had a three game advantage to play with, they knew better than to play with “Wolfe Pack” after escaping the recent semifinal match.

“Wolfe Pack” pushed them again, exchanging leads throughout the game. They were supremely confident, winning four of their last five games, the only loss being that squandered 18-12 lead in the semifinal showdown with “Stinkler.”

Nick gave “Stinkler” some breathing room late in the first game when he posted eight crucial points (five net points), resulting in a 17-12 lead.

Erik and JV kept grinding, closing the gap to 18-16. But Nick is a bad, bad man. This is the Nick who has won titles, who is the best player in the league. This Nick has been gone for a few years, but he’s baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack!

Nick quickly closed the game, 21-16, and helped “Stinkler” win a title! Wire-to-wire winners, 10-0 on the day, and the last few matches against “Wolfe Pack” weren’t easy. Yet, they played from a position of power all day thanks to Nick’s rebirth as the baddest dude in LEG and Steve being that silky smooth stealth bomber.

They were the perfect combination on this day, and were the one team who made the right decision to run it back.

“Stinkler”! Champions!

“Stinkler” – 2020 Preseason Kick-Off Champions!

This championship the first of Steve’s career, while Nick becomes the leader in LEG hardware with two doubles titles (ties him with JG, JV, and Barker for most all-time) and a Singles title.

Congratulations to “Stinkler,” your 2020 Preseason Kick-Off Tournament Champions!

ALL-TOURNAMENT TEAM

The 2020 Preseason All-Tournament Team was voted by the players, and the top four players receiving votes were named to the All-Tournament Team. Nick was the unanimous MVP, reminding the entire league who the Original Gangsta really is.

JV was a rock star and easily the second-best player in this tournament. He was voted to the All-Tournament Team.

The last two members of the All-Tournament Team were newcomers, and a bit of a surprise. It’s never a given that both players from the champions and runner-up to comprise the All-Tournament Team. But in this case, Steve and Erik both earned their All-Tournament Team honors because they took their games to another level, and out-played other heavyweights all day.

2020 Preseason Kick-Off All-Tournament Team – JV, Steve, Nick, and Erik (from left to right)

2020 Week 2 Recap

BEVERLY HILLS, MICHIGAN – Holy Bun Run Batman! We had dick out in Game 1 this week, nearly had it again in Game 2, and Game 3 produced more swingin’ sausage.

KP and Coach Mike started this week against JV and Dibble, and the latter duo only needed three and a half rounds to complete a 21-0 embarrassment. Not taking anything away from JV and Dibble, but KP and Coach were BAD. Coach’s KPM for the game was 5.4, while KP was a horrific 7.2 – a perfect recipe for tubesteak smothered in underwear.

Coach Mike’s pride was hurt, and he demanded we “run it back.” KP is the ultimate competitor, so he quickly agreed. Meanwhile, JV and Dibble snickered to themselves and happily obliged.

This time, JV and Dibble ran out to a 20-0 lead in just four rounds. Once again, they were very good, but Coach and KP were abysmal, with neither player scoring more than three points in any of the first four rounds.

Tim Allen from Santa Clause…errr…KP, bun running with Aunt Millie

In the fifth round, KP finally found some accuracy when he knocked three on the board and drained a cornhole for six points. JV only managed five points, and lost the opportunity for a second consecutive bun run. Dibble closed the game in the bottom of the fifth round, with a 7-6 advantage, for a 21-1 victory.

The foursome switched partners after two blowout games, with two-time LEG champion, JV, feeling confident that he and Coach Mike could find a different fate in Game 3. Turns out that partnership wasn’t any better. Coach Mike was bun run for the second time in three games, losing 21-0 in just four and a half rounds, capped by Dibble outscoring Coach, 8-1, in the top of the fifth round.

JV tells you how he really feels after getting bun run with Coach Mike

In each of the first three games Coach and Dibble played head-to-head, and Dibble outscored him 68-31, which was a primary factor in losing all three games by a combined score of 63-1 – yes, that’s SIXTY-THREE to ONE.

Aunt Millie Mike – King of Bun Runs

The Game 3 bun run was the sixth of Coach Mike’s career, and fifth since the 2019 season. He now has double the career bun runs compared to the second-most player (Paul – 3). He’s proven to be the king of bun runs, which is why we now call him “Aunt Millie Mike.”

GAME OF THE NIGHT

The Game of the Night pitted Aunt Millie Mike and JV versus Bushie and Erik (Game 8). Spoiler alert, this one didn’t end in a bun run. Hallelujah, because I don’t think we could handle anymore dingalings this week.

This match truly was a back-and-forth slugfest – JV and Aunt Millie jumped out to a 4-0 lead, followed by Bushie and Erik storming back to take a 5-4 advantage. This seesaw continued:

  • JV and Aunt Millie back on top, 8-5
  • Bushie and Erik rallying to a 13-9 lead
  • JV and Aunt Millie chipped away, closing the deficit to 13-12 after six rounds

In the top of seventh round Bushie added another point, making it 14-12. Rihanna was banging in the background, and JV was juiced. Bottom of the seventh round:

Erik first toss – missed board

JV first toss – cornhole

Erik second toss – on the board

JV second toss – on the board

Erik third toss – on the board

JV third toss – missed board

Erik fourth toss – missed board

JV paused, focused on the hole, practiced his hip swivel…once, then twice. He fired his fourth bag, “RIGHT IN!” he yelled, bag not even two feet out of his hands. His high arching shot swished through the hole, barely grazing any wood!

“BITCH BETTA HAVE MY MONEY!” he screamed, and gave a Tiger Woods-like fist pump. A huge, 7-2 round gave JV and Aunt Millie a 17-14 lead!

Bushie then tied it at 17-17 in the eighth round with seven enormous points of his own, including two really difficult cornholes.

In the bottom of the eighth JV bested Erik, 5-3, to take the lead back, 19-17. Bushie did his best to close the game in the top of the ninth, knowing JV was surging at the other end of the boards.

He owned a 5-3 advantage with one bag to go, which helped tie the game at 19 apiece. He needed a cornhole to close the game, but his final toss caromed off the side of the board.

This is JV time. Game tied at 19, pressure to make shots with the game on the line, and he had momentum with back-to-back scoring rounds of 7-2 and 5-3. Erik has had plenty of positive moments in his LEG career, but he generally hasn’t performed in these situations. Advantage JV.

Erik threw first and found the board. JV answered with his first toss on the board. Erik’s second bag was right at the hole, but stopped hole-high with one corner of the bag dangling inside the hole, not enough to fall into the hole on it’s own.

JV wisely threw short and boarded his second bag, avoiding taking Erik’s bag into the hole.

Erik launched his third toss like it was shot out of a cannon. The bag landed perfectly in the middle of the board, just beyond JV’s d-bag, and ran up toward the hole. It smacked the back of the hole with so much force that it dragged Erik’s hanging bag into the hole as well.

What a throw! Two cornholes in one toss, taking a 7-2 advantage during a 19-19 game, and JV only had two bags remaining.

Where’s Rihanna when you need her? JV’s third toss was dead center of the board, but short – one point. Erik’s final toss missed the board, which could have completely clinched the game had he just boarded it (even a JV cornhole would have drawn Erik’s advantage to 8-6, and the game would’ve been over at 21-19).

Pressure shifted back to JV. Down 7-3, needing a cornhole to keep the game alive, he launched a Joe Dumars rainbow for three points. Unfortunately his fourth toss was short again, piling up all four of his bags in the middle of the board. Erik held on for a 7-4 advantage, and won the game, 21-19, with his two-for-one cornhole on the third toss.

There’s your money, JV!

Erik rising to the occasion with the game on the line was an enormous growth moment for him. But doing it against JV, one of the league’s top players, should give him tremendous confidence. Given the magnitude of the moment, who it was against, and how he pulled it off, Erik deserves this week’s Mushroom Stamp Moment for closing out Game 8 against JV.

HIGH ROLLERS

Up until now, you probably have the impression that Erik was really good and everyone else was running around naked. While that’s true, it’s not the entire story. A total of eight players participated this week, and six of them crossed the 10.0 KPM mark, while two more were damn close.

  • Dibble – 16.8
  • Galz – 15.1
  • KP – 13.6
  • JV – 11.9
  • Erik – 11.5
  • Bushie – 11.0
  • Paul – 9.2
  • Aunt Millie – 9.0

Excluding the three blowout games to begin the night, four of the next 10 games were decided by four points or fewer. The games were ultra-competitive, which you’d expect from the KPM distribution above.

LEG’s career leader in bun runs – not his most competitive moment

For the second straight week, Erik started crushed his first game of the night. Last week he posted a 12.2 KPM in his first game, and this week he topped it at 12.6. Last week he cooled off as the night went on. This week he stayed hot, found the capacity to perform in the clutch, and finished with a 3-1 record.

Speaking of clutch, in the final game of the night (Game 13) Bushie and KP were down 20-19 to Aunt Millie and Dibble. Bushie closed the game with an 8-1 round against ol’ Bread Box.

Bushie had a great night, arguably his best individual night of any regular season to date.

Dibble had an incredible night, individually. His 16.8 KPM this week was just shy of his league-record 17.0 KPM (week 10 of 2019). He shot 72%, drained 1.21 cornholes per round, and scored 5.3 gross points per round. Yet, he finished just 4-4 overall, including 1-4 after the first three blowout games to begin the night.

Galz was also excellent this week, and shouldn’t be overshadowed by Dibble. His 15.1 KPM is crazy high, and he scored 1.07 cornholes per round while shooting 66%. In Game 6, he led his team (Paul) to a 21-6 victory while scoring 42 gross points and 12 cornholes in just six rounds (averages of 7 gross points per round and two cornholes per round).

NEWS AND NOTES

  • KP started horribly and didn’t look good running naked with Aunt Millie. But he rebounded nicely after losing his first two games by a combined score of 42-1. He finished the night 6-3 (6-1 after getting embarrassed) and with a 13.6 KPM on 65% shooting. He also scored the only 12-point round of the night, which came in Game 5 against Galz – his 12-4 round blew open a 16-12 match and gave KP and Bushie a 21-12 win.
  • Aunt Millie had many moments of embarrassment, including solidifying his career lead in bun runs. However, it still isn’t as bad as JV shitting his pants in week 6 of the 2017 season. Despite his struggles, he rallied to a 9.0 KPM and increased his accuracy to 55%. Though he finished with a 1-7 record, his lone win was a partnership with Erik in a 21-10 victory over JV and Paul. In that game, he won the head-to-head match-up with JV, 32-31, and drained a game-high seven cornholes.
  • JV finished the night 4-5 with an 11.9 KPM on 70% shooting. Cumulatively he outscored every head-to-head opponent on the evening:
    • JV – 75 vs. Erik – 57 (though Erik put a Mushroom Stamp on JV’s head)
    • JV – 53 vs. KP – 42
    • JV – 33 vs. KP – 32
    • JV – 57 vs. Aunt Millie – 41

Oddly, JV never went head-to-head with Dibble, Galz or Bushie.

2020 Week 1 Recap

BEVERLY HILLS, MICHIGAN – The 2020 LEG season finally arrived, after a month-long delay due to the COVID-19 pandemic.

Unlike the opener to 2019, there was no Josh the Uber driver stopping by for weed. There were no flying beer cans landing on anyone’s head, nor where there any fireworks with people shitting their pants.

Though no major moments of hilariousness stood out, the bond of brotherhood was on full display this evening. There was an aura of deeper appreciation for the friendly faces we had all been missing for months, and that gratitude for one night was greater than the accumulation of hilarity over the previous four seasons.

As is often the case in the early weeks of the season, rust and inconsistency reared their ugly heads. The closest match of the night was in Game 2, 21 – 15 (more on that later), while the remaining matches played out like this:

  • Game 1: 21 – 9
  • Game 2: 21 – 15
  • Game 3: 21 – 7
  • Game 4: 21 – 11
  • Game 5: 21 – 3
  • Game 6: 21 – 4
  • Game 7: 21 – 11
  • Game 8: 21 – 12

Of the eight games, six were decided by 10 points or more. Even though partners weren’t able to put it together at the same time, several individuals still had impressive performances.

Erik began the night on fire, leading his team to a Game 1 victory while shooting 67% and posting a career-best KPM of 12.2. He dominated JV in their head-to-head match-up, outscoring him 24-15 while sinking a game-high four cornholes. His 24 gross points were also a game high in just six rounds (4.0 gross points per round).

Going into the sixth frame, he and Galz held a 19 – 9 lead, and Erik landed his first two bags on the board to secure 21 points. Meanwhile, JV missed all four of his bags. Erik was last to throw, so the victory was wrapped up after JV missed his final toss. Erik had one final bag just for pride, and statistics, and he drained a cornhole!

Unfortunately for Erik, his hot start cooled off. Maybe it was fatigue from not playing, but he ended the night with a 7.6 KPM, though he did shoot a solid 53%.

GAME OF THE NIGHT

Game 2 featured Paul and KP battling Bushie and Galz. In the early going, KP and Galz exchanged body shots and were essentially even through four rounds, Galz holding a 19-18 edge.

But on the other end of the board, Paul was taking it to Bushie (not like that, though Bushie probably would’ve preferred it like that). Paul’s 12-4 domination through four rounds led to an 11-4 lead.

Bushie’s 10-point round in the Game of the Night was excellent, but he didn’t make enough cornholes the rest of the night.

A round five explosion was the turning point in the match. Galz drained two cornholes in a 7-1 ass whipping, while Bushie dropped three more cornholes in the bottom of the fifth on his way to a 10-4 advantage over Paul.

In the blink of an eye, Galz and Bushie erased a seven point deficit and gave themselves a 16-11 lead.

Paul was excellent in the sixth round, weathering the 12-point storm and helping pull his team closer, down only 17-15. But Galz was too much for KP, closing with rounds of 7-4 and 4-1, the latter clinching the match for he and Bushie, 21-15.

Galz was B-A-N-A-N-A-S in the game, averaging 5.5 gross points per round and dropping 11 cornholes. He outscored KP during the match, 44-30.

Galz may have been really good in the Game of the Night, and for the entire evening – posted a 13.4 KPM, 5-1 record, 4.3 gross points per round, 0.88 cornholes per round, and 64% shooting – but, he receives several strikes against him because he arrived smiling and strutting like he was The Man, yet was carrying a six-pack of 7 oz. Coronas. Yes, you’re reading that properly, SEVEN OUNCES!

It doesn’t matter how good you are when you drink 7 ounce beers

I don’t care if your KPM is 13-whatever, if you drink like a 13-year old girl. Step your game up, Galz!

AN EXCITING BLOWOUT?

It’s easy to look at the box score and assume a 21-3 game was boring. But Game 5 had plenty of fireworks, despite the blowout. JV and Erik faced Galz and Paul, and like the Game of the Night, Paul’s team raced out of the gate. They held an 8-3 lead early on, and Galz was primed to build on that lead in the third round.

After three bags each, JV held a 4-3 lead in the third round. On Galz’s final toss of the third round, he bullied two bags into the hole, flipping a 4-3 deficit to an 8-4 advantage. It was impressive and a demoralizing blow to JV.

But we all know JV has the heart of a two-time champion, and on his final toss he drew the bag right to left, curving it between bags that appeared to block the hole, and sank a big time cornhole to keep Galz from blowing the game open. A clutch shot from a clutch player.

Unfortunately for JV, his heroics were short-lived. In the next round Paul dropped his nuts on Erik’s face, tea-bagging three cornholes on Erik and narrowly missing a fourth three-pointer. His 10-2 round pushed their lead to 17-3 and drained all the air from JV and Erik’s balloon. One round later Paul and Galz closed the game, winning 21-3.

Paul’s 10-point round was easily this week’s Mushroom Stamp Moment (“MSM”). Congratulations to Paul for the first MSM of the 2020 season!

NEWS AND NOTES

  • As mentioned earlier, Erik was phenomenal in a Game 1 victory. But, he proceeded to lose his remaining three games to finish 1-3 with a 7.6 KPM and 53% shooting.
  • Bushie didn’t make enough cornholes to produce a high KPM (only 8.2 KPM in week 1), but he did shoot 49% despite drinking Oakland county out of beers. His 10-point round on Paul in the Game of the Night was a big-time performance, and key to his team’s comeback victory. He finished the night 2-4.
  • Paul was only 1-3 on the night, but his MSM was unbelievable and he nearly crossed the 10.0 KPM threshold, posting 9.8 KPM. His accuracy was also excellent, shooting 60%.
  • Individually, JV had a great night – shooting 67%, recording a 10.3 KPM, and was one of three players (Bushie and Paul were the others) to post a 10-point round. Unfortunately for him, his partners were inconsistent all night and he finished with just a 3-4 record.
  • As good as Galz was, KP was better on this night. Galz did out-perform KP in the Game of the Night, but KP got revenge in a Game 7 victory while also outscoring Galz, 39-34. KP finished with a 15.2 KPM, 4-1 record, 76% shooting, and 0.94 cornholes per round. An excellent night for the reigning 2019 Postseason Champion.

2019 Singles Tournament Recap – The People’s Champion?

BEVERLY HILLS, MICHIGAN – Last week in the Singles Tournament Preview I predicted JV to survive a deep pool of talent and win the Singles Tournament. But, what’s the difference between a prediction and an assumption?

A prediction is often based on data or evidence, such as historical trends or behavior. An assumption is made when there is no data (or less data) to rely on. So, it makes sense that Dictionary.com lists “guess” as a related word for “assumption.”

When revisiting the Singles Tournament Preview, “prediction” was an inappropriate description to use – JV winning the Singles Tournament was an assumption because there was absolutely no data to suggest this was a reasonable position to take.

And you know the old saying about when one “assumes” – it makes an “ass” out of “u” and “me.”

Indeed, JV strolled up Bushie’s driveway with an all-white top, all white belt, and all white shorts body looking like milk (shout out to Ludacris). He looked fatigued, like semen swimming upstream for hours without any progress.

JV, the Milk Man

It wasn’t a good sign of things to come, and right away I knew my assumption was in BIG trouble.

ALL CHALK

Though there are heavyweights at the top of the LEG food chain, I thought this tournament had the ingredients to create the perfect parity pie. You like that alliteration?

The Winners’ Bracket included 11 games before the “survivor” of the Winners’ Bracket had to play any match against someone from the Losers’ Bracket.

I expected a bit of chaos in the Winners’ Bracket, instead we saw almost all chalk – of those 11 games, only three upsets occurred.

  • #9 Coach Mike knocked off #8 Paul in the opening round, which wasn’t surprising because both are very good players. The surprising part was the score: 21-3
  • #5 Justin routed #4 JV in the second round (21-14), and it wasn’t even as close as the final score indicated. Justin dominated him early before JV made a late run to give the appearance that it was respectable
  • #7 Tony pulled the biggest stunner when he ripped through #2 Barker in the second round, 21-7. This is the biggest stunner based on seed disparity, but nobody should be surprised Tony came out swinging after his disappointing 2018 Singles Tournament

Besides the three games above, the rest of the Winners’ Bracket was chalk, creating an ultra-competitive Losers’ Bracket.

WHAT COULD HAVE BEEN

Justin and Coach Mike will look back on this tournament and think about how things could have been more glorious if a break or two fell their way.

Coach Mike looked sexy in his wife beater throwing that back-handed taint tickler. He routed Paul in a first round upset, 21-3, earning a big match with his friend and #1 seed, Dibble. Coach had several opportunities to take a commanding lead on Dibble, but failed to take advantage of several Dibble misses. Coach Mike lost the match, 21-9, but was hanging around for a while and could have been on the verge of closing out the match if he had played his normal game. Maybe he was nervous or intimidated by Dibble, but that is a match that got away from him.

Coach rallied after his loss to Dibble, beating Bushie and JV convincingly, 21-10 and 21-9, respectively. But then Tony stepped

Coach Mike had better tournament moments than this

on Coach’s throat and ripped his heart out. Tony was excellent in handing Coach a bun run, beating him 21-0. This was Coach’s third bun run in four weeks, which is not a good trend.

Moments later, Coach was eliminated by Barker, losing 21-8. He finished with a respectable 3-3 tournament record and had nice wins over Paul, Bushie and JV. Sure, he was embarrassed by Tony, but things could have been completely different if not for a few missed opportunities in the Dibble match. Imagine Coach Mike pulling that upset and sitting atop the Winners’ Bracket. Like I said, it could have been glorious.

Justin, on the other hand, avoided KP’s upset prediction in the #5 vs. #12 first round match, then knocked off #4 seed JV as mentioned above to advance and play #1 Dibble. This game was huge, and an opportunity to make a statement, similar to Coach Mike. Just like Coach Mike, Justin couldn’t answer Dibble’s misses and it cost him with a 21-5 loss.

Life didn’t get any easier for Justin in the Losers’ Bracket, immediately playing Scott. This game was a championship bout, both players unwilling to give an inch. I watched the entire match and just when one player hit a huge shot and seemed to break away, the other guy answered. Scott found a way to win, 21-18, and Justin was devastated. In two straight matches, he felt like opportunities slipped away.

Justin’s tournament run was impressive, including a win over Barker

Justin was now in a win or go home situation and he caught fire – he beat, and eliminated, Paul 21-2, then mauled Barker 21-10 to send him packing as well. Suddenly, Justin found his groove and was throwing beautifully. He had an audience in the backyard for his match with Tony, which was for a Final Four berth. Unfortunately, Justin cooled off and Tony’s redemption tour continued with a 21-7 win over Justin.

Justin finished the tournament 4-3 and on the doorstep of the Final Four. An excellent showing for him, which also included the Best Dressed Award! Still, he felt his exit was a bit premature and it’s hard to argue with him.

THE DISAPPOINTMENTS

Listen, it’s inevitable in every tournament that a few players/teams will lose three straight and make an early exit. Unfortunately there is no way to avoid this scenario, and anyone who goes 0-3 definitely falls into the “disappointments” category.

This year Mike and Steve were the biggest losers. Both players have shown flashes of competitiveness throughout this season, to the point that I predicted – yes, predicted based on historical trends from Mike the last few weeks – that he would pull off the #12 vs. #5 upset in the first round against Justin. Unfortunately for me (and for Mike), he’s a slow starter and Justin handled his business with a convincing 21-8 win.

Mike suffered a 21-8 loss to Scott in the Losers’ Bracket before he finally played his best cornhole of the day in an elimination match against Paul. Both players were fighting for their tournament lives, which produced a great match in the Double Losers’ Bracket. Paul prevailed in a thriller, 21-18, and Mike was eliminated early.

Steve’s failure to launch resulted in early losses to Scott (21-6) and JV (21-3), putting his back against the wall in an elimination match against Bushie. He led almost the entire match, including leading in the late stages, 20-16. But Bushie closed with a 5-0 run to win 21-20 and send Steve home.

Steve on his mission to Mars

Once eliminated, Steve launched just fine and found himself on Mars for much of the day. The party ratcheted up after losing to Bushie, adding an injection of fun to the day.

Paul had been playing well this season, including bringing a 10.0 season KPM into this tournament. However, he lost two straight matches to open the tournament (21-3 to Coach Mike and 21-10 to Barker) and was quickly facing elimination. To Paul’s credit, he kept his hopes alive with two straight wins – the first of which was against Mike (discussed earlier) and then he donkey punched JV in an elimination match, 21-1. The rivalry between those two is real, and it was appropriate they had to fight to stay in the tournament. Paul crushed him to advance and face Justin. Sadly for Paul, Justin had too much fire power and Paul was still focused on celebrating his domination of JV. Justin easily beat Paul, 21-2, sending him home from the tournament. Paul rallied to make a respectable appearance, but his 2-3 record is still disappointing, especially considering how well he had bad playing.

Bushie also lost his first two matches (21-2 in the first round to #7 Tony and 21-10 to Coach Mike) before rebounding with the 21-20 comeback victory over Steve. He appeared to be on the verge of finding his game in another elimination game against Barker, hanging tough with him through most of the match. But Barker pulled away and eliminated Bushie, 21-15.

Speaking of Barker, he makes the disappointment list. This is so surprising it’s actually difficult to write. He earned the #2 seed and a bye, but then had the displeasure of a match with #7 Tony in the second round. Tony was red hot after a 21-2 first round beat down of Bushie, and eager to avenge his poor performance in last year’s Singles Tournament as the #1 seed. He rolled Barker, 21-7, sending one of the top dogs to the Losers’ Bracket.

Barker’s win over Paul didn’t feel as good as it should have because he was fighting an uncomfortable throw the entire match. Barker knew he couldn’t make a deep run with the current condition of his game, and he was right. Scott pushed Barker to the Double Losers’ Bracket and edge of elimination with a 21-16 win. Barker kept fighting, searching for a rhythm, but couldn’t find it despite two straight wins in elimination games (21-15 over Bushie and 21-8 over Coach Mike). He was finally put out of his misery when Justin beat him 21-10 – it was Barker’s worst tournament finish of his career, sixth place. Barker had never finished worse than third (singles or partners) prior to this. Therefore, this has to be considered a disappointment, even for him. He’ll be back, you can count on that.

Finally, there’s the milk man – JV. A fierce competitor, always on the verge of letting the lion out of the cage, we’ve come to expect great things from him on a weekly basis and in tournaments. In the Singles Tournament, he couldn’t have been further from greatness.

After earning a first round bye with the #4 seed, he squared off against #5 Justin and was upset, 21-14. As mentioned earlier, this game was not as close as the final score indicated. He looked ready to redeem himself and make a run after crushing Steve, 21-3. But then Coach Mike beat him handily (21-9) and his nemesis Paul damn near handed him a bun run, beating him 21-1 and sent him home in embarrassing fashion.

JV didn’t have it on this day. Not even close. It will be interesting to see how he rebounds the rest of the season as we approach the Postseason Tournament. Will he fix the flaws in his game and gear up for a promising finish?

CONTROL AND DOMINANCE

Dibble hasn’t been around LEG long, but he’s dominated from the moment he stepped foot in the league. He was deserving of the #1 seed he earned, but many (myself included) were very interested to see how he handled the stress of his first tournament.

Well, turns out he did just fine. He didn’t have his A-game early in the tournament, but did enough to survive matches with Coach Mike (21-9) and Justin (21-5) before lighting the fire against Galz in a major Winners’ Bracket showdown. Dibble left no doubt, thoroughly handing Galz his ass in a 21-3 victory to stay in the Winners’ Bracket.

That win was enormous for Dibble, not only for confidence but also because he stayed out of the Losers’ Bracket fray, where there was much more stress in every match.

After his statement victory over Galz, he sat back, ate chicken wings and drank PBR with a smile on his face, while his opponents duked it out to earn an opportunity to knock him from his ivory tower.

That smile quickly turned upside down, though. Not because of any cornhole dramatics, but because the wings, beer and lingering nerves came home to roost – Dibble penguin walked to the bathroom and disappeared for at least 45 minutes to spray piss out his b-hole. Dibble was like Harry Dunne in “Dumb and Dumber,” blowing up the toilet and scrambling to cover it up.

Harry Dunne or Scott Dibble? If only Bushie’s toilet lived to tell

After cleaning himself off and failing to clean the toilet, Dibble settled his stomach and prepared for another battle with Galz, this time with a trip to the championship on the line. As many would expect, Galz was much more prepared for this battle, taking Dibble down to the wire. Galz had his chances, but couldn’t capitalize during key moments when Dibble missed a few throws. Dibble eked out a 21-18 win and penciled his name into the championship match. Galz stumbled to the Double Losers’ Bracket and attempted to avoid elimination.

FINAL FOUR

With Dibble looking down from his Winners’ Bracket perch, Galz, Scott and Tony rounded out the Final Four, entrenched in elimination match wars. In the first semifinal, Scott halted Tony’s fantastic run with a 21-11 victory, advancing to play Galz in another semifinal and the right to play for a title.

Tony’s fourth place finish was a strong representation, and outperformed his #7 seed. His tournament highlights included:

  • pounding #2 seed Barker, 21-7, in the second round
  • outlasting Justin, 21-7, to punch a ticket to the Final Four
  • dealing Coach Mike a bun run

Unfortunately, Tony couldn’t get over the hump against Galz or Scott. All three of his losses came to those two players, once to Galz (21-7 in the Winners’ Bracket) and twice to Scott (21-12 and 21-11).

Advancing to the semifinals as the #6 seed was impressive, yet not surprising for Scott. He’s an exceptional player, a former champion and a former runner-up. In the semifinals, Galz started draining cornholes at a high rate and there was nothing Scott could do about it. Scott played well, but Galz bullied his way to cornholes whenever he wanted, and pulled out the victory, 21-11.

Scott was eliminated one step short of the championship match, but he had a lot to be proud of. After beating Steve in the first round, 21-6, he took Galz down to the wire in the second round match. Scott felt like he squandered some opportunities in the match, costing him victory. Galz won a thrilling 21-18 match.

Scott then ripped off four straight victories in the gauntlet that was the Losers’ Bracket, beating Mike (21-8), Barker (21-16), Justin (21-18), and Tony (21-12). That four game run allowed him a rematch with Galz, which he eagerly awaited. However, he might have been a bit low on fuel because Galz won rather easily, 21-11. That loss was followed by his victory over Tony (for the second time) and his third shot at Galz, which also came up empty.

Scott had a hell of a tournament, but couldn’t overcome Galz

Scott played nine matches, which was two more than any other player. He was constantly in dog fights in the Losers’ Bracket and took the longest possible path to a title. His 6-3 record is very impressive, but that many matches definitely took a toll on him. All three of his losses came to Galz. He played Galz tough the first time, losing 21-18 when he was “fresh.” But the last two matches were not close. Overall, Scott was fantastic and it would have been intriguing to see him play Dibble in a Losers’ Bracket scenario, but that never played out.

THE CHAMPIONSHIP

Galz earned a trip to the title with his impressive victory over Scott, and he was feeling confident after recording three wins over Scott and one over Tony. The problem for Galz was his prior two losses to Dibble and no room for error. He had to beat Dibble three straight times to earn The Belt.

In Game 1 of the Championship, Dibble raced out to a 10-4 advantage and looked like he was going to waltz to a title. But Galz showed the heart of a champion, battling back and throttling Dibble with a 17-4 run to win Game 1, 21-14.

All the sudden, things were interesting. Galz had reversed his fortunes, Dibble finally tasted defeat in the tournament and looked rattled, and the crowd was heavily in favor of Galz, led by KP taunting Dibble and openly rooting for Galz to pull the stunner. “You can’t win three games without winning one!” KP shouted in support of Galz.

Galz making Dibble sweat for a title

After the first win, Galz took a hit of warm Budweiser from his beer bong helmet and winked at KP. The other 10 eliminated players scooted to the edge of their seat and grabbed their popcorn in anticipation of Game 2. In this case, “popcorn” is code for weed, which was about the only thing any of the participants had in their hands by this point in the day.

In Game 2, Galz’s wave of momentum continued. He didn’t possess a large lead, but he stood toe to toe and exchanged hay-makers with Dibble. Late in the match Dibble took control, up 20-16. Cue the Galz dramatics – he plugged the hole with his first two tosses and we’re all still trying to figure out how neither bag dropped to the bottom of the hole. He used his third bag as a wrecking ball, attempting to jar the blocked hole loose and knock his bags through. It didn’t work, though his third bag did come to rest on the board.

Meanwhile, Dibble had scored a cornhole and another bag on the board after three bags. Each player had one bag remaining and the score was 21-16 thanks to Dibble holding a 4-3 advantage in this round. However, Galz still had bags clinging to the hole and he was determined to force them through for three points with his final bag. He needed this to survive, especially considering Dibble had one bag remaining. He delivered a perfect fastball at the center of the board, and it rammed into the two bags stuffing the hole. Somehow, they didn’t fall and he now had a three-bag pile up literally on top of the hole.

Galz’s head sank, he had tied the round 4-4, but left three cornholes off the board and Dibble had one final bag that could make it 5-4 for the round, and 21-16 for the game. Galz could feel it was over and tried not to watch as Dibble delivered his final bag.

Dibble focused, delivered and SHORT! IT WAS SHORT! He had one bag to win the title and he left it completely short of the board!!!! HE CHOKED! Galz escaped with a 4-4 tie and the game remained 20-16. But Dibble escaped because if those piled bags fall it’s game over and we’re on to Game 3 for all the marbles.

The 2019 Singles Champion – Dibble

In the next round Galz earned one more point to draw closer at 20-17. But Dibble closed it out one round later, winning Game 2 21-17 and now owns the crown of 2019 Singles Champion!

Dibble finished 5-1 for the tournament and was largely untested until sweating through two championship matches. Credit to him, he navigated the Winners’ Bracket perfectly as the #1 seed, avoiding the tension and stress that awaited him in the Losers’ Bracket.

Of his six games, four were against Galz and he finished 3-1 against him. So, he earned the championship by having to play the next best player four times. However, some question the legitimacy of his title because he broke costume (nobody else, including Galz, did that), he stopped drinking, and he painted the toilet brown.

Galz’s runner-up hurts, but he really was outstanding with a win over Dibble, three over Scott and one over Tony. All three of his losses were to Dibble.

Dibble proudly and deservedly rocked the belt. He’s a worthy champion and now has a bigger target on his back. Congratulations to your 2019 Singles Champion, Scott Dibble!

2019 Singles Tournament Preview – Ain’t Nothin’ But a White Trash Party!

In less than five days 12 talented players will converge in Beverly Hills vying to be crowned the 2019 Singles Tournament Champion. It’s only appropriate we provide a preview of what could go down on Saturday.

THE GAUNTLET

Seemingly every tournament attracts stronger talent, increased competition, and more parity. The 2019 Singles Tournament is no different with seven of the top 10 ranked players fighting for the championship belt.

In fact, six players have a season KPM of 10.0 or better and if Tony and/or Scott Garavalia had made a regular season appearance you can be sure they’d also join that club. Saturday will essentially feature eight of 12 guys with a 10.0 KPM or better, and Coach Mike is lurking with a 9.2.

All of this talent should make for a chaotic and unpredictable tournament!

THE BRACKET

The seeding and Winner’s Bracket is shown below based on each player’s season KPM. Keep in mind Tony and Scott were placed directly in the middle of the pack since we had no other metric to rank them.

HEAVYWEIGHTS

This might be the toughest evaluation in history. The tournament will feature four players with LEG championship experience, albeit none of them have won the Singles Tournament – Barker (two titles), JV (two titles), Scott Garavalia (one title), and Galz (one title).

In addition to those players, Dibble has exploded on the scene in 2019 setting several LEG records, including highest weekly KPM and season KPM in history at 15.9 and 15.1, respectively. He’s already posted five 12-point rounds and five more 10-point rounds in only three appearances.

But, this will be Dibble’s first LEG tournament of his career and he’ll likely learn what many before him had to learn – it’s difficult to navigate one of these tournaments, which is why several of the best players had to pay their dues before winning a title.

  • Barker didn’t win a title until his fourth career tournament, after finishing runner-up twice and making the semifinals another time
  • JV didn’t win a title until his fourth career tournament
  • Galz also didn’t win a title until his fourth career tournament
  • Scott didn’t win a title until his second career tournament, and it helped tremendously that his partner was his brother and prior champion

The point is, winning these tournaments requires experience and knowledge of how to endure the intense competition, and a day full of partying.

Dibble also has a dangerous match-up coming off his first round bye. He awaits the winner of #8 Paul vs. #9 Coach Mike. Interestingly, Paul is the only player in the league to outscore Dibble head-to-head this year, and Paul pulled a first round upset in last year’s tournament when he was the #10 seed and defeated #7 seeded JV – so Paul is no stranger to playing spoiler, and he’s arguably the most improved player in the league this year.

Paul holds the head-to-head advantage over Dibble

Galz is once again the #3 seed in the Singles Tournament, earning the same seed in the 2018 Singles Tournament. After a first round bye last year, Galz faced #6 seeded Barker, and Barker crushed him 21-3 in a resounding upset.

Galz has another scary situation on his hands with a potential match against #6 seeded Scott Garavalia. The two know each other well, having matched up five times in the 2019 Preseason Kick-Off Tournament, including in the championship match where Galz led his team to an upset win over Scott’s team. This could be another championship level battle…in the second round!

If Galz does survive against the #6 vs. #11 winner, a potential match-up with Barker looms.

Barker’s road isn’t a cake walk either, facing the winner of #7 Tony vs. #10 Bushie. Tony is loaded with talent and Bushie is always tough to beat early before the Coors Light catches up with him.

Then there is JV who continues to excel to new heights every season. His accuracy has blossomed to 69% in 2019, his KPM is 12.1, and he has the best winning percentage (73%, 36-13 overall) of any player in the league. Most importantly, JV might have the nastiest killer instinct of any player. When challenged, he rises to the occasion and let’s you know about it with an in your face demeanor. It’s must see TV.

In summary, the odds-on favorites to take home the title have to be: Dibble, Barker, Galz, JV or Scott. I know, I’ve named damn near half the field, but this is one of the toughest and most balanced tournaments ever.

DARK HORSES

This list starts with Tony, the #7 seed. Tony is loaded with skill and when he’s hot, his A-game might be unbeatable. The problem is “Gramps” can’t seem to stand for more than a few minutes at a time, often racing for the nearest chair to rest his lazy ass. He’ll blame it on “fatigue,” but whatever the reason Tony has historically under-performed in tournaments.

Tony was the #1 seed in the 2018 Singles Tournament and was upset in his first game by #8 Justin, then exited the tournament quickly, finishing with a 2-3 record and nowhere close to a championship.

Is this the tournament Tony finally breaks through? He brags about his dominance in random cornhole tournaments at festivals, kids’ birthday parties, and retirement homes. Can he get off the porch with the big dogs?

Justin doesn’t get much hype as the #5 seed, but he should. He has an 11.2 KPM on the season, pulled a major upset in last year’s event and this will be his third career tournament, which is when players ordinarily make a jump to championship contention.

Justin is likely a tournament or two away from being a true contender, but it wouldn’t be a surprise to see him make a deep run.

Lastly, Coach Mike is a seasoned veteran and when his back-handed taint tickler is working, he’s incredibly dangerous. If he can get through his first round match with #8 Paul, his experience could pay off against #1 Dibble. And if Coach puts together two wins to open the tournament, anyone still in the Winner’s Bracket should WATCH OUT!

LONG SHOTS

No disrespect to Paul, Bushie, Steve-O, or Mike, but they all face an uphill battle at a run to the championship. But, that doesn’t mean they are incapable of a deep run and making noise throughout the tournament.

Paul has a semifinal appearance in a prior tournament, and he’s much improved this year. Nobody is going to enjoy playing Paul in this tournament.

Mike’s game is trending in the right direction, coming off a 10.0 KPM in week 8. However, like Dibble, Mike will also have to struggle with tournament inexperience and ultimately that likely prevents him from strapping on the belt. But, he has an upset or two in him.

Bushie and Steve-O have experience and the talent to make serious noise. But they also have beers, Moscow Mules and trips to the basement that will undo any positive momentum they muster.

PREDICTION

I’ve only written two tournament previews – the 2018 Preseason Kick-Off and the 2019 Preseason Kick-Off. In the 2018 Preseason Kick-Off preview I predicted a Barker Breakthrough, and it came true. In the 2019 Preseason Kick-Off preview my gut told me to trust that it was Galz’s time to hoist The Cup, and indeed he did.

Needless to say, my track record is pretty good. However, this prediction is the toughest yet because of the talent depth in the field. I have a strong feeling Galz wins his second straight tournament, avenging last year’s runner-up finish to Nick Winkler in the Singles Tournament.

But, another force is pulling harder to go with JV. He’s on a different level this year and he embraces moments like this, going head-to-head with some of the most talented players. It won’t be pretty or easy, but JV throws the championship belt over his should at the end of the day – mostly because he can’t strap it around his protruding beer belly.

BONUS PREDICTION

Mike Turley (the #12 seed) pulls a first round upset when he takes on #5 Justin.

Let the white trash party begin!

2019 Week 8 Recap

BEVERLY HILLS, MICHIGAN – Last week the commissioner went on record claiming the 2019 Rookie of the Year was already locked up, predicting Dibble to win the award after only three appearances, and with so much still at stake this season – five or six regular season weeks remaining and two tournaments (Singles and Postseason).

Another promising rookie felt snubbed, and played with a vendetta in week 8.

Mike T. (aka, “Mike” or “Turley”) continues to improve each week and started to put it all together this week. His season KPM of 7.6 is roughly half of Dibble’s league leading 15.1, but Mike kicked asses and took names this week.

He posted a 10.0 KPM, his first time crossing the 10.0 threshold, and dominated the field with a 4-1 record. The highlight of his night was in Game 8 when he partnered with Paul and battled JV and Erik. Mike led his team to a convincing 21-8 victory and dominated the head-to-head match-up with JV, 43-30, including nailing a game-high 10 cornholes.

Through five rounds this game was tied, 8-8. But Mike unleashed his pent-up talent and broke the game open in rounds six and seven, scoring back-to-back 10-point rounds against JV. He went 10-6, 10-3 against JV during those rounds, the latter clinched the game for Mike and Paul, 21-8.

He was not only exceptional against JV, but his 43 gross points were easily the most of any player in the game (JV – 30, Paul – 16, and Erik – 15).

Mike’s back-to-back 10-point rounds, including the one to clinch the game, earn this week’s Mushroom Stamp Moment.

Mike’s night was worth celebrating, which is exactly what he did with Justin and KP afterward. They Ubered to an undisclosed location, allegedly until 2 am. KP woke up Friday morning sharing a couch with Justin and his two dogs, wondering who shit in

Mike capped his night with a pile of singles somewhere in metro-Detroit.

his mouth.

BREAKING THROUGH

Speaking of Justin, he notched his first win of the 2019 season this week. In fairness to him, he was 0-2 coming into the night so we aren’t dealing with a big sample size. Nonetheless, the mental impact of having a donut in front of his name was clearly meaningful because after losing his first game of the night (Game 2) he announced to the group that he was still win-less on the season.

Justin actually started the night with a three game losing skid, including a choke in Game 3 (more on that later). He finally broke through with his first victory in Game 5, where he was the best player on the court – averaging 5.15 gross points per round, draining seven cornholes in just seven rounds, scoring 36 gross points (by comparison Paul – 23, Bushie – 20, and Coach Mike – 18), and shooting 79%.

He finished the night with an 11.6 KPM, 2-4 record, and 73% accuracy. Despite his 2-6 overall record for the year, Justin is seventh in the Power Rankings with an 11.2 KPM and third in the league in accuracy at 72% (Barker – 77%, Marco – 73%).

With individual numbers like that, more wins are sure to follow.

GAME OF THE NIGHT

In Game 3 Justin and Bushie partnered against Coach Mike and Galz. Justin, still win-less on the season, went gangbusters by draining five cornholes in the first four rounds, outscoring Coach during that span, 22-16.

Bushie was equally impressive in his head-to-head against Galz, hitting four cornholes and outscoring him 21-14 through four rounds. Justin and Bushie’s early dominance helped them grab a 17-4 lead.

Then their buttholes got tight. In the top of the fifth Justin missed an excellent opportunity to inch closer to victory, but only managed to tie Coach 4-4. In the bottom of the fifth Galz jumped on Bushie, 6-3, making the score 17-7.

The sixth round was more of the same, Justin failing to extend the lead (again tying Coach, 3-3) and Galz chipping away at his team’s deficit by outscoring Bushie, 4-3.

With the score 17-8 the bags were back to Justin with hopes to win the match. He was accurate, scoring three of four bags, but all of them were on the board which prevented him from blowing the game open. He outscored Coach 3-2, upping the lead to 18-8.

In the bottom of the seventh the sleeping giant awoke. Justin and Bushie were playing with fire all match – they were excellent in building the 17-4 lead. After developing that lead they had failed to close the game and dodged eight tosses from Galz without giving up an explosive round.

Their luck was about to change. Galz closed the gap to 18-13 after he bested Bushie 6-1 in the bottom of the seventh. In the top of the eighth Coach got the back-handed taint tickler going and outscored Justin 6-3 to tighten the score to 18-16.

Everyone, including the spectators, could feel the moment surge from Galz and Coach. Everyone, including Justin and Bushie, knew they had flirted with disaster far too long.

Galz put his foot on their throats in the bottom of the eighth, draining three straight cornholes while Bushie managed only five points with his four tosses. Galz held a 9-5 advantage, making the score 20-18, and had one toss left. Galz only needed one bag on the board to win the game. Now, Galz is a gambler, especially when there is a 12-point round on the line, and Justin and Bushie hoped he’d aggressively gamble and allow them to live another round.

Galz was still aggressive, yet smart when chasing the 12-point round. He didn’t throw a bag with tons of heat, risking a carom off the board. Instead, he threw a higher floater toward the middle of the board. The bag hit and stuck – enough to win the game in comeback fashion, 21-18.

The choke was only one game for Justin and Bushie, but it kept Justin win-less and seemed like there was nothing the poor guy could do to win a game.

NEWS AND NOTES

  • Galz was excellent this week, going 6-0 with a 14.1 KPM and scoring 1.0 cornholes per round. He also had the killer instinct to lead his team to a comeback in the Game of the Night. He will be the #3 seed in the Singles Tournament, and his game is as strong as ever.
  • JV was rolling this week, posting a 13.4 KPM and 4-2 record. It was one of his least accurate evenings of the season at 63% (still very good by league-wide standards), but he offset that with 0.89 cornholes per round. JV’s 10-point round was a thing of beauty, taking two bags into the hole on his third toss, setting up an opportunity for a 12-point round. But his fourth bag came to rest on the board and he settled for a 10-point round.
  • Coach Mike continued his recent trend of strong play, going 4-2 with a 9.6 KPM. He shot 53% and scored 3.2 gross points per round.
  • Bushie also fell just short of the 10.0 KPM threshold, coming in at 9.8 on 54% shooting. Despite the solid individual numbers, he couldn’t find the win column, going 0-5.
  • Bushie’s night summed up the entire evening – competitively noncompetitive. We had seven of eight players at 9.1 KPM or better, which should be an indicator of a lot of parity. Instead, only two of the 12 games were within seven points and the closest game of the evening was the Game of the Night, which included a 17-4 score before Justin and Bushie choked the game away.

2019 Week 7 Recap

CLAWSON, MICHIGAN – It took all of two games and JV’s brain was scrambled, and the rest of the guys were on notice as to the type of night this would be. It wasn’t really drugs that got him going. Rather, it was a fat dip of long-cut combined with Squirt and whiskey and a rip from KP’s Cohiba.

Just like that, JV was spinning. Literally. He wobbled like his legs were overcooked spaghetti noodles and his tosses were errant more often than accurate (just 47% shooting in Game 2).

Too much tobacco had JV coming and going.

JV limped to a 2-2 record through his first four games and averaged just 2.8 gross points per round, his wins due to his partners’ performances (Paul and Galz). But his equilibrium finally returned and he finished the night strong with a 10.4 KPM, 62% shooting, 3.5 gross points per round and a 6-5 record.

MUSHROOM STAMP MOMENT

JV’s rebound was so strong that he clawed his way to the week 7 MSM. Game 11 was a heavyweight showdown when JV partnered with Galz to take on Paul and Dibble.

JV and Glaz pounced on their opponent early with a 12-4 lead behind Galz outscoring Dibble (24-19) and JV getting the best of Paul (18-15). They would push their lead to 18-8 two rounds later and seemed to be cruising to victory.

But Dibble went Rocky IV on Galz, rising from his blood-soaked corner to throw some heavy

Dibble kept swinging on Galz.

blows to Galz’s chin. Dibble hit him with a 7-3 jab and followed it up with a 12-4 left hook to the temple. The four-bagger was a killer that erased an 18-8 deficit and gave his team a 20-18 lead.

Galz and JV were shook like Ivan Drago, but this movie was not destined for the same ending. A spin-free JV had bags in his hands with the game on the line against Paul. How could he not get up for this moment?

JV scored all four of his tosses, including two in the hole, to notch an 8-1 advantage on Paul and win the game 21-20. JV’s clutch performance to clinch the match against his fierce rival is this week’s MSM.

SWEET ITALIAN SAUSAGE

For the second straight week Coach Mike was victim of the bun run. Many in the league are actually skeptical that the fix is in at least once per week. Does Coach actually like to get naked? Is he paying bribes to other players to help rig the system?

Coach Mike nekked is becoming a trend…

Coach has been flagged for now and will be monitored closely. Very closely. Especially when running his naked lap around the backyard.

This week Coach joined forces with Custer and they were thoroughly dominated by Mike T. and Barker. Completion of the bun run only required three and a half rounds thanks to Mike T. He was on fire, NBA JAM style, scoring 13 of his 16 tosses for the game (81%), seven of which were cornholes. He scored 27 gross points in just four rounds (averaging 6.75 gross points per round), which almost doubled the next highest gross point scorer in this game (Barker, his partner, had 14 gross points). Mike’s 27-11 ass kicking of Coach Mike contributed 16 of his team’s 21 points. He was incredible.

Turley went NBA JAM on Coach and Custer!

DIBBLE DABBLE

Scott Dibble joined the league in week 5 and immediately leapfrogged everyone to the top of the Power Rankings. He has resided there ever since, and wasn’t about to be unseated this week.

Dibble was sensational, draining three 12-point rounds and another three 10-point rounds. His 15.9 KPM this week is the highest in league history, and is primarily due to his absurd cornhole rate (1.13 per round) and accuracy 69%.

He likely already has the 2019 Rookie of the Year award locked down, but he has two championships on his mind – the Singles Tournament and Postseason Tournament.

CHAMPIONSHIP DEBUT

For the first time during the 2019 regular season, Barker graced us with his presence. He’s had more time off than Tiger Woods, appearing only in the 2019 Kick-Off Tournament since taking home the 2018 Postseason Tournament title – his second title in 2018.

Despite the time off, there was little rust in his game. He shot 77% and scored 4.6 gross points per round on his way to a 14.0 KPM and 2-1 record.

The one loss could be a sign of the tide turning, a shift in the balance of power. He teamed with JV, who together won both tournaments in 2018, to battle Galz and Dibble in Game 13.

The championship duo looked like the glory days through two rounds when they posted a 6-0 lead. But Galz and Dibble roared back with a 21-0 run to win the game, including a four-bagger (12-point round) by Dibble against Barker.

It was Barker’s first taste of Dibble’s greatness. He’ll adjust like he always does, but he now knows what the rest of the league knows – taming Kimmy Gibbler will be a tall task.

GAME OF THE NIGHT

This week’s Game of the Night featured Erik and JV vs. Dibble and Coach Mike in Game 1. Erik had the unenviable task of a head-to-head with Dibble, but he neutralized him through the first four and a half rounds by matching his gross points (15-15) allowing JV to outwork Coach Mike during this stretch (17-7) and give their squad a 14-4 advantage.

But in the bottom of the fifth Dibble shook loose. He dropped cornholes on his first three tosses to take a commanding 9-2 lead with one bag remaining. Erik’s final toss was a well-executed blocker to the upper-middle of the board in an attempt to limit the damage and prevent a four-bag round. The strategy worked when Dibble’s final toss couldn’t bull it’s way through Erik’s blocker. There would be no 12-point round this time, but the damage was done – the 10-3 round closed Dibble and Coach’s deficit to 14-11.

In the top of the seventh round, JV swished a cornhole on his way to a 5-2 advantage over Coach Mike, giving his team a 17-12 lead. But in the bottom of the seventh, the bad man was back again. Dibble went balls deep in the hole, recording another 10-point round (his second during a three round stretch). Erik managed two bags on the board or else it would’ve been game time. Nonetheless, Dibble’s 10-2 seventh round placed his team on the brink of victory, leading 20-17.

In the eighth, JV closed the gap to 20-19 and Erik came up big in the clutch to draw even with Dibble in the bottom half of the round.

JV needed to close the game in the top of the ninth because Dibble was scorching the hole at the other end. After four bags JV held a 3-1 advantage over Coach Mike, which would’ve been good for 21-20 win. But Coach Mike had one final bag to toss. He fired the back-handed taint tickler, carrying it deep up the board. The bag landed on one of JV’s prior bags and ricocheted to the ground. Luckily for Coach, the force of his toss pushed JV’s bag off the board, making JV’s advantage 2-1 and saving the game for Coach and Dibble (it was now tied at 20).

JV shook his head in disgust and the cocky Coach boasted, “Can you see me coming JV?!?!”

JV fired back without missing a beat, “See you coming? I’ve been sticking it in your ass every round!”

The outburst was part frustration he couldn’t close the game and likely partially because he sensed Dibble was about to hand him a loss.

Erik had other plans in mind. His first toss found the bottom of the hole, placing immense pressure on Dibble. First toss for Dibble missed the board, then Erik responded with another bag on the board followed by another Dibble miss.

Erik held a 4-0 lead after two tosses and continued to apply pressure when his third bag found the middle of the board. Erik now clung to a 5-0 lead after perfectly executing a blocker with his third toss.

Dibble needed two cornholes in his final two tosses to keep the game alive. He delivered a fastball, trying to ram his way through Erik’s blocker and into the hole. But he had too much heat on the toss and it skipped off and over the board.

The game was over, and Erik was flawless in his navigation of the ninth round against a scary opponent. Once he hit the first cornhole, he played defense and made life hard for Dibble to execute.

Sensational play from Erik helped his team win, 21-20, and his poise was critical to surviving two 10-point rounds from Dibble.

Game 1 was a hell of a start to a great night.

NEWS AND NOTES

  • It’s a travesty we’re this far into the recap and haven’t mentioned Galz in detail. Truth is, he was on pace to have an all-time night. Through his first three games he was 3-0, with an untouchable 19.6 KPM! Yes, you read that right…19.6 KPM! During that stretch:
    • He averaged 6.2 gross points per round
    • He scored 28 cornholes in just 19 rounds (said another way, 28 cornholes in 76 tosses – good for one every 2.5 throws)
    • He scored 61 out of 76 total tosses, which is good for 80% accuracy

It was a tough pace to sustain, and he eventually dipped a bit as the night continued. But he still finished with a 14.3 KPM, 68% accuracy, 4.6 gross points per round, 0.93 cornholes per round, and a 6-3 record. He also posted one 12-point round and two 10-point rounds.

  • Paul continues to be the most improved player in the league this year. He registered a 10.7 KPM this week, making his KPM for the season 10.3 (good for seventh in the Power Rankings). Paul also scored an incredible 10-point round, draining two bags on his final toss of the round, on his way to a 3-3 record. However, he was victim of Dibble’s first career footsnag and cried about it for 10 minutes because “I’m drinking a 7% beer!” After immense peer pressure, and harassment from JV, Paul followed the rules and chugged his 7% beer.

    In typical JV fashion, he joined Paul in serving his footsnag “penalty.” But Paul flipped a bird to voice his displeasure for chugging a 7% IPA.
  • Erik was steady throughout the night with an 8.2 KPM and 55% shooting. He won his first match of the night, then lost five in a row to finish 1-5. Every week he proves to be accurate and reliable (shooting 56% for the season compared to 43% in 2018), but he’s victim to some tough match-ups, and lack of cornholes.

2019 Week 6 Recap

BEVERLY HILLS, MICHIGAN – Guess who’s baaaaaaaaaaaaaack??? That’s right, gentlemen, Mario Black returned to LEG for the first time since leaving for Atlanta in 2018.

He’ll be the first to tell you the move to Atlanta was because he loved the city and wanted to further his career. But the truth is he exhausted his roster of metro Detroit girls who were willing to pay for dinner, drinks, cider and donuts, etc. because he “forgot his wallet.”

Anal beads? Nah, give me the hook!

Mario’s move paid off and his dating prospects have flourished – evidenced by his grand entrance at Bushie’s house in week 6. My guy rolled up like he was in the middle of a horrifically awesome Grindr date – Mario, one “bear,” one “cub,” and some poor, cute Asian girl. The only thing missing was a ball gag and anal hook.

He may be freaky. He may be a cheap date. But he’s OUR freaky cheap date and it was good to have him back! Oh, and apparently he learned how to play cornhole down south. More on that later.

GAME OF THE NIGHT

Week 6 was a spectacle thanks to five of the eight players crossing the 10.0 KPM threshold. Bizarrely despite sizzling individual performances, only four of 12 games were decided by six points or fewer – three of those four “close” games were 21-15 decisions.

Thus, the Game of the Night was a relatively easy decision not only because it was the closest game of the night, but because it had the most excitement and drama.

Paul and Erik partnered against Bushie and Dibble in Game 4. Paul and Erik sprinted to a 7-1 early lead with Erik chipping in two points, while Paul used a 7-point round to dominate Bushie.

That lead was gone quicker than a wet JV fart leaves his asshole. Dibble dropped a three-bagger on Erik in the third round, giving Bushie and him an 8-7 advantage. They upped the lead to 12-7 to cap an 11-0 run when Bushie answered Paul in the fourth round, tying him 7-7, and Dibble pounded Erik 5-1.

In round five the match caught fire. Paul resurrected his team’s chances with an 8-0 donkey punch to Bushie, making it 15-12. Dibble controlled Erik with a 6-0 win in the bottom of the fifth round, leapfrogging to an 18-15 lead.

Paul’s shoulders were heavy, the weight of the match squarely on them. Fully aware that turning the bags back to Erik against Dibble would give his team a long shot at victory, he prepared to end it against Bushie.

Bushie possessed first toss honors, and an opportunity to throw an anvil on Paul’s shoulders. But, he missed the board completely. Paul sighed, waggled…waggled…waggled…for fuck’s sake, toss the bag, Paul! Somewhere, Paul is STILL waggling. He finally delivered his first bag to the bottom of the hole!

Bushie missed again, followed by another Paul cornhole. Two bags remaining for each player, and Paul pushed the score to 21-18. Could he hang on through the final two bags?

Indeed he could. And he did. Paul drained his third cornhole of the round and stuck another bag on the board for 10 points. Meanwhile, Bushie went limp and scored only one point of his four tosses. Paul posterized Bushie with a 10-1 round, giving his team an incredible 21-18 victory!

Paul closed the game with rounds of 7-8-10, including seven cornholes in that stretch. He recorded 34 gross points and nine cornholes in just six rounds.

This game epitomized Paul’s night, his second straight week topping 10.0 KPM – he finished at 10.7 on 60% shooting and had a 3-2 record.

SHOW US SOME DIIIIIIIICK!

In Game 7 Coach Mike and Jack teamed to take on Mario and his “bear,” Kyle.

Mario and Kyle had the perfect first date, putting bags in holes, and predictably it didn’t last long. After only five rounds, the game was over – an implausible 21-0 victory for Mario and Kyle! Mario went H.A.M. with 15 of his 18 points coming from cornholes, and Kyle handcuffed Jack the entire match. It was an unexpected win, but to drop a bun run on Coach and Jack? Nobody saw it coming.

Show us your “0” face, boys!

Shameless, both players stripped and paraded around the yard in their boxers. Thankfully Coach decided to wear underwear, and Jack modeled his new pair as if he knew this was going to happen.

DON’T CALL IT A COMEBACK

Despite the embarrassment of being bun run, Coach Mike actually resurrected himself this week. He’s been on the cusp of great things for weeks, but he actually put it all together tonight. The back-handed taint tickler was elegant, dancing daintily in the air and two-stepping like a Texan once it hit the board.

Coach dropped an 11.0 KPM on the challengers this week, and finished with a 3-3 record on 53% shooting.

His night started red-hot in Game 1 with nine cornholes and 34 gross points (both were best of any player in the game) in just seven rounds. He carried Dibble to a 21-8 victory over Bushie and Jack.

He finished the night with 0.73 cornholes per round and 3.5 gross points per round, both are excellent numbers and indicators that Coach is becoming a dangerous man again.

MUSHROOM STAMP MOMENT

If you’re wondering why Paul’s 10-1 clincher in the Game of the Night isn’t this week’s MSM, it’s a fair question. The answer is because Paul had arguably a more impressive close to Game 8 – his team (Galz as his partner) held a 14-7 lead over Dibble and Erik. We all know Dibble is a bad man, yet Paul was going head-to-head with him.

Paul drilled two cornholes and two more bags on the board, and Dibble could only manage one of his four tosses on the board, good for an 8-1 advantage for Paul and a 21-7 victory.

Paul not only outscored Dibble in this game (17-12 in just five rounds), but he also holds a 58-35 season head-to-head advantage, becoming the only guy in the league to hold a head-to-head advantage against Dibble.

For that, Paul earns this week’s MSM.

SOUTHERN CHARM

Mario has a lot going for him. A million dollar smile. A Rolodex of hoes from Tinder and Bumble. And now, he crushes cornhole. Mario posted a 10.3 KPM this week! Keep in mind his best KPM for a season was 4.9 (2017) and never finished an individual week higher than 8.0.

This week Mario dropped cornholes instead of panties

He returned to Beverly Hills ready to impress the group. He threw fire this week, dropping cornholes at 0.79 per round and scoring 3.2 gross points per round. His accuracy was 41%, which isn’t blowing anyone away, but is still about 10% higher than his average.

Mario was excellent statistically, finished with a 1-1 record and forced the bun run on Jack and Coach Mike. It’s too bad he isn’t here to stay, but it was a privilege to have him back.

POUR ONE OUT FOR THE HOMIES

The highlight of the night might have been when Bushie turned to KP toward the end of the night and slurred, “Peters, everyone is pouring my Coors Light on the ground. Every time I turn around the can is empty.”

KP laughs and ensures Bushie he’s just drinking them fast.

KP’s words wash over Bushie like cold blue Rockies slamming into the back of his throat. “I know,” he poetically sighed.

Chalk it up to the gallons of Coors Light, or even the tequila shots in Bushie’s basement. That’s right, Bushie tried to lure the group to his sex dungeon for shots and anal hooks. We all lived to see another day, though. #strengthinnumbers

NEWS AND NOTES

  • Erik finished with a strong night, going 2-3 with a 9.1 KPM. His accuracy continues to climb, this week shooting 57% and scoring 3.1 gross points per round. If he can knock in cornholes at a bit better clip (just 0.39 per round this week), he will easily cross the 10.0 KPM threshold and become a scary opponent for most in the league.
  • Dibble was excellent in his encore week, posting the top KPM of the night (14.8) primarily driven by his 1.06 cornholes per round. The guy just makes cornholes. His accuracy is very good (64%), but he averages more than one cornhole every four bags. That’s tough to overcome, though he finished with just a 4-3 record.
  • Speaking of 4-3, Galz settled in at that spot as well. He did register a 12.9 KPM on 68% shooting and swished 0.74 cornholes per round on his way to 4.2 gross points per round. He also scored a 10-point round, one of only two this week (Paul had the other). Galz had a great night, but couldn’t climb out of the #4 spot in the Power Rankings.
  • Jack keeps showing promise, but fades late. His accuracy was pretty good (49%) and cornholes were on par with the league average (0.44 per round). But those numbers were better early in the night. Of course, his bun run didn’t help matters. Jack needs reps. The more he plays, the better he’ll become. Keep an eye on him in the second half of the season as he builds toward the Postseason Tournament.