BEVERLY HILLS, MICHIGAN – Last week in the Singles Tournament Preview I predicted JV to survive a deep pool of talent and win the Singles Tournament. But, what’s the difference between a prediction and an assumption?

A prediction is often based on data or evidence, such as historical trends or behavior. An assumption is made when there is no data (or less data) to rely on. So, it makes sense that Dictionary.com lists “guess” as a related word for “assumption.”

When revisiting the Singles Tournament Preview, “prediction” was an inappropriate description to use – JV winning the Singles Tournament was an assumption because there was absolutely no data to suggest this was a reasonable position to take.

And you know the old saying about when one “assumes” – it makes an “ass” out of “u” and “me.”

Indeed, JV strolled up Bushie’s driveway with an all-white top, all white belt, and all white shorts body looking like milk (shout out to Ludacris). He looked fatigued, like semen swimming upstream for hours without any progress.

It wasn’t a good sign of things to come, and right away I knew my assumption was in BIG trouble.

ALL CHALK

Though there are heavyweights at the top of the LEG food chain, I thought this tournament had the ingredients to create the perfect parity pie. You like that alliteration?

The Winners’ Bracket included 11 games before the “survivor” of the Winners’ Bracket had to play any match against someone from the Losers’ Bracket.

I expected a bit of chaos in the Winners’ Bracket, instead we saw almost all chalk – of those 11 games, only three upsets occurred.

• #9 Coach Mike knocked off #8 Paul in the opening round, which wasn’t surprising because both are very good players. The surprising part was the score: 21-3
• #5 Justin routed #4 JV in the second round (21-14), and it wasn’t even as close as the final score indicated. Justin dominated him early before JV made a late run to give the appearance that it was respectable
• #7 Tony pulled the biggest stunner when he ripped through #2 Barker in the second round, 21-7. This is the biggest stunner based on seed disparity, but nobody should be surprised Tony came out swinging after his disappointing 2018 Singles Tournament

Besides the three games above, the rest of the Winners’ Bracket was chalk, creating an ultra-competitive Losers’ Bracket.

WHAT COULD HAVE BEEN

Justin and Coach Mike will look back on this tournament and think about how things could have been more glorious if a break or two fell their way.

Coach Mike looked sexy in his wife beater throwing that back-handed taint tickler. He routed Paul in a first round upset, 21-3, earning a big match with his friend and #1 seed, Dibble. Coach had several opportunities to take a commanding lead on Dibble, but failed to take advantage of several Dibble misses. Coach Mike lost the match, 21-9, but was hanging around for a while and could have been on the verge of closing out the match if he had played his normal game. Maybe he was nervous or intimidated by Dibble, but that is a match that got away from him.

Coach rallied after his loss to Dibble, beating Bushie and JV convincingly, 21-10 and 21-9, respectively. But then Tony stepped

on Coach’s throat and ripped his heart out. Tony was excellent in handing Coach a bun run, beating him 21-0. This was Coach’s third bun run in four weeks, which is not a good trend.

Moments later, Coach was eliminated by Barker, losing 21-8. He finished with a respectable 3-3 tournament record and had nice wins over Paul, Bushie and JV. Sure, he was embarrassed by Tony, but things could have been completely different if not for a few missed opportunities in the Dibble match. Imagine Coach Mike pulling that upset and sitting atop the Winners’ Bracket. Like I said, it could have been glorious.

Justin, on the other hand, avoided KP’s upset prediction in the #5 vs. #12 first round match, then knocked off #4 seed JV as mentioned above to advance and play #1 Dibble. This game was huge, and an opportunity to make a statement, similar to Coach Mike. Just like Coach Mike, Justin couldn’t answer Dibble’s misses and it cost him with a 21-5 loss.

Life didn’t get any easier for Justin in the Losers’ Bracket, immediately playing Scott. This game was a championship bout, both players unwilling to give an inch. I watched the entire match and just when one player hit a huge shot and seemed to break away, the other guy answered. Scott found a way to win, 21-18, and Justin was devastated. In two straight matches, he felt like opportunities slipped away.

Justin was now in a win or go home situation and he caught fire – he beat, and eliminated, Paul 21-2, then mauled Barker 21-10 to send him packing as well. Suddenly, Justin found his groove and was throwing beautifully. He had an audience in the backyard for his match with Tony, which was for a Final Four berth. Unfortunately, Justin cooled off and Tony’s redemption tour continued with a 21-7 win over Justin.

Justin finished the tournament 4-3 and on the doorstep of the Final Four. An excellent showing for him, which also included the Best Dressed Award! Still, he felt his exit was a bit premature and it’s hard to argue with him.

THE DISAPPOINTMENTS

Listen, it’s inevitable in every tournament that a few players/teams will lose three straight and make an early exit. Unfortunately there is no way to avoid this scenario, and anyone who goes 0-3 definitely falls into the “disappointments” category.

This year Mike and Steve were the biggest losers. Both players have shown flashes of competitiveness throughout this season, to the point that I predicted – yes, predicted based on historical trends from Mike the last few weeks – that he would pull off the #12 vs. #5 upset in the first round against Justin. Unfortunately for me (and for Mike), he’s a slow starter and Justin handled his business with a convincing 21-8 win.

Mike suffered a 21-8 loss to Scott in the Losers’ Bracket before he finally played his best cornhole of the day in an elimination match against Paul. Both players were fighting for their tournament lives, which produced a great match in the Double Losers’ Bracket. Paul prevailed in a thriller, 21-18, and Mike was eliminated early.

Steve’s failure to launch resulted in early losses to Scott (21-6) and JV (21-3), putting his back against the wall in an elimination match against Bushie. He led almost the entire match, including leading in the late stages, 20-16. But Bushie closed with a 5-0 run to win 21-20 and send Steve home.

Once eliminated, Steve launched just fine and found himself on Mars for much of the day. The party ratcheted up after losing to Bushie, adding an injection of fun to the day.

Paul had been playing well this season, including bringing a 10.0 season KPM into this tournament. However, he lost two straight matches to open the tournament (21-3 to Coach Mike and 21-10 to Barker) and was quickly facing elimination. To Paul’s credit, he kept his hopes alive with two straight wins – the first of which was against Mike (discussed earlier) and then he donkey punched JV in an elimination match, 21-1. The rivalry between those two is real, and it was appropriate they had to fight to stay in the tournament. Paul crushed him to advance and face Justin. Sadly for Paul, Justin had too much fire power and Paul was still focused on celebrating his domination of JV. Justin easily beat Paul, 21-2, sending him home from the tournament. Paul rallied to make a respectable appearance, but his 2-3 record is still disappointing, especially considering how well he had bad playing.

Bushie also lost his first two matches (21-2 in the first round to #7 Tony and 21-10 to Coach Mike) before rebounding with the 21-20 comeback victory over Steve. He appeared to be on the verge of finding his game in another elimination game against Barker, hanging tough with him through most of the match. But Barker pulled away and eliminated Bushie, 21-15.

Speaking of Barker, he makes the disappointment list. This is so surprising it’s actually difficult to write. He earned the #2 seed and a bye, but then had the displeasure of a match with #7 Tony in the second round. Tony was red hot after a 21-2 first round beat down of Bushie, and eager to avenge his poor performance in last year’s Singles Tournament as the #1 seed. He rolled Barker, 21-7, sending one of the top dogs to the Losers’ Bracket.

Barker’s win over Paul didn’t feel as good as it should have because he was fighting an uncomfortable throw the entire match. Barker knew he couldn’t make a deep run with the current condition of his game, and he was right. Scott pushed Barker to the Double Losers’ Bracket and edge of elimination with a 21-16 win. Barker kept fighting, searching for a rhythm, but couldn’t find it despite two straight wins in elimination games (21-15 over Bushie and 21-8 over Coach Mike). He was finally put out of his misery when Justin beat him 21-10 – it was Barker’s worst tournament finish of his career, sixth place. Barker had never finished worse than third (singles or partners) prior to this. Therefore, this has to be considered a disappointment, even for him. He’ll be back, you can count on that.

Finally, there’s the milk man – JV. A fierce competitor, always on the verge of letting the lion out of the cage, we’ve come to expect great things from him on a weekly basis and in tournaments. In the Singles Tournament, he couldn’t have been further from greatness.

After earning a first round bye with the #4 seed, he squared off against #5 Justin and was upset, 21-14. As mentioned earlier, this game was not as close as the final score indicated. He looked ready to redeem himself and make a run after crushing Steve, 21-3. But then Coach Mike beat him handily (21-9) and his nemesis Paul damn near handed him a bun run, beating him 21-1 and sent him home in embarrassing fashion.

JV didn’t have it on this day. Not even close. It will be interesting to see how he rebounds the rest of the season as we approach the Postseason Tournament. Will he fix the flaws in his game and gear up for a promising finish?

CONTROL AND DOMINANCE

Dibble hasn’t been around LEG long, but he’s dominated from the moment he stepped foot in the league. He was deserving of the #1 seed he earned, but many (myself included) were very interested to see how he handled the stress of his first tournament.

Well, turns out he did just fine. He didn’t have his A-game early in the tournament, but did enough to survive matches with Coach Mike (21-9) and Justin (21-5) before lighting the fire against Galz in a major Winners’ Bracket showdown. Dibble left no doubt, thoroughly handing Galz his ass in a 21-3 victory to stay in the Winners’ Bracket.

That win was enormous for Dibble, not only for confidence but also because he stayed out of the Losers’ Bracket fray, where there was much more stress in every match.

After his statement victory over Galz, he sat back, ate chicken wings and drank PBR with a smile on his face, while his opponents duked it out to earn an opportunity to knock him from his ivory tower.

That smile quickly turned upside down, though. Not because of any cornhole dramatics, but because the wings, beer and lingering nerves came home to roost – Dibble penguin walked to the bathroom and disappeared for at least 45 minutes to spray piss out his b-hole. Dibble was like Harry Dunne in “Dumb and Dumber,” blowing up the toilet and scrambling to cover it up.

After cleaning himself off and failing to clean the toilet, Dibble settled his stomach and prepared for another battle with Galz, this time with a trip to the championship on the line. As many would expect, Galz was much more prepared for this battle, taking Dibble down to the wire. Galz had his chances, but couldn’t capitalize during key moments when Dibble missed a few throws. Dibble eked out a 21-18 win and penciled his name into the championship match. Galz stumbled to the Double Losers’ Bracket and attempted to avoid elimination.

FINAL FOUR

With Dibble looking down from his Winners’ Bracket perch, Galz, Scott and Tony rounded out the Final Four, entrenched in elimination match wars. In the first semifinal, Scott halted Tony’s fantastic run with a 21-11 victory, advancing to play Galz in another semifinal and the right to play for a title.

Tony’s fourth place finish was a strong representation, and outperformed his #7 seed. His tournament highlights included:

• pounding #2 seed Barker, 21-7, in the second round
• outlasting Justin, 21-7, to punch a ticket to the Final Four
• dealing Coach Mike a bun run

Unfortunately, Tony couldn’t get over the hump against Galz or Scott. All three of his losses came to those two players, once to Galz (21-7 in the Winners’ Bracket) and twice to Scott (21-12 and 21-11).

Advancing to the semifinals as the #6 seed was impressive, yet not surprising for Scott. He’s an exceptional player, a former champion and a former runner-up. In the semifinals, Galz started draining cornholes at a high rate and there was nothing Scott could do about it. Scott played well, but Galz bullied his way to cornholes whenever he wanted, and pulled out the victory, 21-11.

Scott was eliminated one step short of the championship match, but he had a lot to be proud of. After beating Steve in the first round, 21-6, he took Galz down to the wire in the second round match. Scott felt like he squandered some opportunities in the match, costing him victory. Galz won a thrilling 21-18 match.

Scott then ripped off four straight victories in the gauntlet that was the Losers’ Bracket, beating Mike (21-8), Barker (21-16), Justin (21-18), and Tony (21-12). That four game run allowed him a rematch with Galz, which he eagerly awaited. However, he might have been a bit low on fuel because Galz won rather easily, 21-11. That loss was followed by his victory over Tony (for the second time) and his third shot at Galz, which also came up empty.

Scott played nine matches, which was two more than any other player. He was constantly in dog fights in the Losers’ Bracket and took the longest possible path to a title. His 6-3 record is very impressive, but that many matches definitely took a toll on him. All three of his losses came to Galz. He played Galz tough the first time, losing 21-18 when he was “fresh.” But the last two matches were not close. Overall, Scott was fantastic and it would have been intriguing to see him play Dibble in a Losers’ Bracket scenario, but that never played out.

THE CHAMPIONSHIP

Galz earned a trip to the title with his impressive victory over Scott, and he was feeling confident after recording three wins over Scott and one over Tony. The problem for Galz was his prior two losses to Dibble and no room for error. He had to beat Dibble three straight times to earn The Belt.

In Game 1 of the Championship, Dibble raced out to a 10-4 advantage and looked like he was going to waltz to a title. But Galz showed the heart of a champion, battling back and throttling Dibble with a 17-4 run to win Game 1, 21-14.

All the sudden, things were interesting. Galz had reversed his fortunes, Dibble finally tasted defeat in the tournament and looked rattled, and the crowd was heavily in favor of Galz, led by KP taunting Dibble and openly rooting for Galz to pull the stunner. “You can’t win three games without winning one!” KP shouted in support of Galz.

After the first win, Galz took a hit of warm Budweiser from his beer bong helmet and winked at KP. The other 10 eliminated players scooted to the edge of their seat and grabbed their popcorn in anticipation of Game 2. In this case, “popcorn” is code for weed, which was about the only thing any of the participants had in their hands by this point in the day.

In Game 2, Galz’s wave of momentum continued. He didn’t possess a large lead, but he stood toe to toe and exchanged hay-makers with Dibble. Late in the match Dibble took control, up 20-16. Cue the Galz dramatics – he plugged the hole with his first two tosses and we’re all still trying to figure out how neither bag dropped to the bottom of the hole. He used his third bag as a wrecking ball, attempting to jar the blocked hole loose and knock his bags through. It didn’t work, though his third bag did come to rest on the board.

Meanwhile, Dibble had scored a cornhole and another bag on the board after three bags. Each player had one bag remaining and the score was 21-16 thanks to Dibble holding a 4-3 advantage in this round. However, Galz still had bags clinging to the hole and he was determined to force them through for three points with his final bag. He needed this to survive, especially considering Dibble had one bag remaining. He delivered a perfect fastball at the center of the board, and it rammed into the two bags stuffing the hole. Somehow, they didn’t fall and he now had a three-bag pile up literally on top of the hole.

Galz’s head sank, he had tied the round 4-4, but left three cornholes off the board and Dibble had one final bag that could make it 5-4 for the round, and 21-16 for the game. Galz could feel it was over and tried not to watch as Dibble delivered his final bag.

Dibble focused, delivered and SHORT! IT WAS SHORT! He had one bag to win the title and he left it completely short of the board!!!! HE CHOKED! Galz escaped with a 4-4 tie and the game remained 20-16. But Dibble escaped because if those piled bags fall it’s game over and we’re on to Game 3 for all the marbles.

In the next round Galz earned one more point to draw closer at 20-17. But Dibble closed it out one round later, winning Game 2 21-17 and now owns the crown of 2019 Singles Champion!

Dibble finished 5-1 for the tournament and was largely untested until sweating through two championship matches. Credit to him, he navigated the Winners’ Bracket perfectly as the #1 seed, avoiding the tension and stress that awaited him in the Losers’ Bracket.

Of his six games, four were against Galz and he finished 3-1 against him. So, he earned the championship by having to play the next best player four times. However, some question the legitimacy of his title because he broke costume (nobody else, including Galz, did that), he stopped drinking, and he painted the toilet brown.

Galz’s runner-up hurts, but he really was outstanding with a win over Dibble, three over Scott and one over Tony. All three of his losses were to Dibble.

Dibble proudly and deservedly rocked the belt. He’s a worthy champion and now has a bigger target on his back. Congratulations to your 2019 Singles Champion, Scott Dibble!

In less than five days 12 talented players will converge in Beverly Hills vying to be crowned the 2019 Singles Tournament Champion. It’s only appropriate we provide a preview of what could go down on Saturday.

THE GAUNTLET

Seemingly every tournament attracts stronger talent, increased competition, and more parity. The 2019 Singles Tournament is no different with seven of the top 10 ranked players fighting for the championship belt.

In fact, six players have a season KPM of 10.0 or better and if Tony and/or Scott Garavalia had made a regular season appearance you can be sure they’d also join that club. Saturday will essentially feature eight of 12 guys with a 10.0 KPM or better, and Coach Mike is lurking with a 9.2.

All of this talent should make for a chaotic and unpredictable tournament!

THE BRACKET

The seeding and Winner’s Bracket is shown below based on each player’s season KPM. Keep in mind Tony and Scott were placed directly in the middle of the pack since we had no other metric to rank them.

HEAVYWEIGHTS

This might be the toughest evaluation in history. The tournament will feature four players with LEG championship experience, albeit none of them have won the Singles Tournament – Barker (two titles), JV (two titles), Scott Garavalia (one title), and Galz (one title).

In addition to those players, Dibble has exploded on the scene in 2019 setting several LEG records, including highest weekly KPM and season KPM in history at 15.9 and 15.1, respectively. He’s already posted five 12-point rounds and five more 10-point rounds in only three appearances.

But, this will be Dibble’s first LEG tournament of his career and he’ll likely learn what many before him had to learn – it’s difficult to navigate one of these tournaments, which is why several of the best players had to pay their dues before winning a title.

• Barker didn’t win a title until his fourth career tournament, after finishing runner-up twice and making the semifinals another time
• JV didn’t win a title until his fourth career tournament
• Galz also didn’t win a title until his fourth career tournament
• Scott didn’t win a title until his second career tournament, and it helped tremendously that his partner was his brother and prior champion

The point is, winning these tournaments requires experience and knowledge of how to endure the intense competition, and a day full of partying.

Dibble also has a dangerous match-up coming off his first round bye. He awaits the winner of #8 Paul vs. #9 Coach Mike. Interestingly, Paul is the only player in the league to outscore Dibble head-to-head this year, and Paul pulled a first round upset in last year’s tournament when he was the #10 seed and defeated #7 seeded JV – so Paul is no stranger to playing spoiler, and he’s arguably the most improved player in the league this year.

Galz is once again the #3 seed in the Singles Tournament, earning the same seed in the 2018 Singles Tournament. After a first round bye last year, Galz faced #6 seeded Barker, and Barker crushed him 21-3 in a resounding upset.

Galz has another scary situation on his hands with a potential match against #6 seeded Scott Garavalia. The two know each other well, having matched up five times in the 2019 Preseason Kick-Off Tournament, including in the championship match where Galz led his team to an upset win over Scott’s team. This could be another championship level battle…in the second round!

If Galz does survive against the #6 vs. #11 winner, a potential match-up with Barker looms.

Barker’s road isn’t a cake walk either, facing the winner of #7 Tony vs. #10 Bushie. Tony is loaded with talent and Bushie is always tough to beat early before the Coors Light catches up with him.

Then there is JV who continues to excel to new heights every season. His accuracy has blossomed to 69% in 2019, his KPM is 12.1, and he has the best winning percentage (73%, 36-13 overall) of any player in the league. Most importantly, JV might have the nastiest killer instinct of any player. When challenged, he rises to the occasion and let’s you know about it with an in your face demeanor. It’s must see TV.

In summary, the odds-on favorites to take home the title have to be: Dibble, Barker, Galz, JV or Scott. I know, I’ve named damn near half the field, but this is one of the toughest and most balanced tournaments ever.

DARK HORSES

This list starts with Tony, the #7 seed. Tony is loaded with skill and when he’s hot, his A-game might be unbeatable. The problem is “Gramps” can’t seem to stand for more than a few minutes at a time, often racing for the nearest chair to rest his lazy ass. He’ll blame it on “fatigue,” but whatever the reason Tony has historically under-performed in tournaments.

Tony was the #1 seed in the 2018 Singles Tournament and was upset in his first game by #8 Justin, then exited the tournament quickly, finishing with a 2-3 record and nowhere close to a championship.

Is this the tournament Tony finally breaks through? He brags about his dominance in random cornhole tournaments at festivals, kids’ birthday parties, and retirement homes. Can he get off the porch with the big dogs?

Justin doesn’t get much hype as the #5 seed, but he should. He has an 11.2 KPM on the season, pulled a major upset in last year’s event and this will be his third career tournament, which is when players ordinarily make a jump to championship contention.

Justin is likely a tournament or two away from being a true contender, but it wouldn’t be a surprise to see him make a deep run.

Lastly, Coach Mike is a seasoned veteran and when his back-handed taint tickler is working, he’s incredibly dangerous. If he can get through his first round match with #8 Paul, his experience could pay off against #1 Dibble. And if Coach puts together two wins to open the tournament, anyone still in the Winner’s Bracket should WATCH OUT!

LONG SHOTS

No disrespect to Paul, Bushie, Steve-O, or Mike, but they all face an uphill battle at a run to the championship. But, that doesn’t mean they are incapable of a deep run and making noise throughout the tournament.

Paul has a semifinal appearance in a prior tournament, and he’s much improved this year. Nobody is going to enjoy playing Paul in this tournament.

Mike’s game is trending in the right direction, coming off a 10.0 KPM in week 8. However, like Dibble, Mike will also have to struggle with tournament inexperience and ultimately that likely prevents him from strapping on the belt. But, he has an upset or two in him.

Bushie and Steve-O have experience and the talent to make serious noise. But they also have beers, Moscow Mules and trips to the basement that will undo any positive momentum they muster.

PREDICTION

I’ve only written two tournament previews – the 2018 Preseason Kick-Off and the 2019 Preseason Kick-Off. In the 2018 Preseason Kick-Off preview I predicted a Barker Breakthrough, and it came true. In the 2019 Preseason Kick-Off preview my gut told me to trust that it was Galz’s time to hoist The Cup, and indeed he did.

Needless to say, my track record is pretty good. However, this prediction is the toughest yet because of the talent depth in the field. I have a strong feeling Galz wins his second straight tournament, avenging last year’s runner-up finish to Nick Winkler in the Singles Tournament.

But, another force is pulling harder to go with JV. He’s on a different level this year and he embraces moments like this, going head-to-head with some of the most talented players. It won’t be pretty or easy, but JV throws the championship belt over his should at the end of the day – mostly because he can’t strap it around his protruding beer belly.

BONUS PREDICTION

Mike Turley (the #12 seed) pulls a first round upset when he takes on #5 Justin.

Let the white trash party begin!

BEVERLY HILLS, MICHIGAN – Last week the commissioner went on record claiming the 2019 Rookie of the Year was already locked up, predicting Dibble to win the award after only three appearances, and with so much still at stake this season – five or six regular season weeks remaining and two tournaments (Singles and Postseason).

Another promising rookie felt snubbed, and played with a vendetta in week 8.

Mike T. (aka, “Mike” or “Turley”) continues to improve each week and started to put it all together this week. His season KPM of 7.6 is roughly half of Dibble’s league leading 15.1, but Mike kicked asses and took names this week.

He posted a 10.0 KPM, his first time crossing the 10.0 threshold, and dominated the field with a 4-1 record. The highlight of his night was in Game 8 when he partnered with Paul and battled JV and Erik. Mike led his team to a convincing 21-8 victory and dominated the head-to-head match-up with JV, 43-30, including nailing a game-high 10 cornholes.

Through five rounds this game was tied, 8-8. But Mike unleashed his pent-up talent and broke the game open in rounds six and seven, scoring back-to-back 10-point rounds against JV. He went 10-6, 10-3 against JV during those rounds, the latter clinched the game for Mike and Paul, 21-8.

He was not only exceptional against JV, but his 43 gross points were easily the most of any player in the game (JV – 30, Paul – 16, and Erik – 15).

Mike’s back-to-back 10-point rounds, including the one to clinch the game, earn this week’s Mushroom Stamp Moment.

Mike’s night was worth celebrating, which is exactly what he did with Justin and KP afterward. They Ubered to an undisclosed location, allegedly until 2 am. KP woke up Friday morning sharing a couch with Justin and his two dogs, wondering who shit in

his mouth.

BREAKING THROUGH

Speaking of Justin, he notched his first win of the 2019 season this week. In fairness to him, he was 0-2 coming into the night so we aren’t dealing with a big sample size. Nonetheless, the mental impact of having a donut in front of his name was clearly meaningful because after losing his first game of the night (Game 2) he announced to the group that he was still win-less on the season.

Justin actually started the night with a three game losing skid, including a choke in Game 3 (more on that later). He finally broke through with his first victory in Game 5, where he was the best player on the court – averaging 5.15 gross points per round, draining seven cornholes in just seven rounds, scoring 36 gross points (by comparison Paul – 23, Bushie – 20, and Coach Mike – 18), and shooting 79%.

He finished the night with an 11.6 KPM, 2-4 record, and 73% accuracy. Despite his 2-6 overall record for the year, Justin is seventh in the Power Rankings with an 11.2 KPM and third in the league in accuracy at 72% (Barker – 77%, Marco – 73%).

With individual numbers like that, more wins are sure to follow.

GAME OF THE NIGHT

In Game 3 Justin and Bushie partnered against Coach Mike and Galz. Justin, still win-less on the season, went gangbusters by draining five cornholes in the first four rounds, outscoring Coach during that span, 22-16.

Bushie was equally impressive in his head-to-head against Galz, hitting four cornholes and outscoring him 21-14 through four rounds. Justin and Bushie’s early dominance helped them grab a 17-4 lead.

Then their buttholes got tight. In the top of the fifth Justin missed an excellent opportunity to inch closer to victory, but only managed to tie Coach 4-4. In the bottom of the fifth Galz jumped on Bushie, 6-3, making the score 17-7.

The sixth round was more of the same, Justin failing to extend the lead (again tying Coach, 3-3) and Galz chipping away at his team’s deficit by outscoring Bushie, 4-3.

With the score 17-8 the bags were back to Justin with hopes to win the match. He was accurate, scoring three of four bags, but all of them were on the board which prevented him from blowing the game open. He outscored Coach 3-2, upping the lead to 18-8.

In the bottom of the seventh the sleeping giant awoke. Justin and Bushie were playing with fire all match – they were excellent in building the 17-4 lead. After developing that lead they had failed to close the game and dodged eight tosses from Galz without giving up an explosive round.

Their luck was about to change. Galz closed the gap to 18-13 after he bested Bushie 6-1 in the bottom of the seventh. In the top of the eighth Coach got the back-handed taint tickler going and outscored Justin 6-3 to tighten the score to 18-16.

Everyone, including the spectators, could feel the moment surge from Galz and Coach. Everyone, including Justin and Bushie, knew they had flirted with disaster far too long.

Galz put his foot on their throats in the bottom of the eighth, draining three straight cornholes while Bushie managed only five points with his four tosses. Galz held a 9-5 advantage, making the score 20-18, and had one toss left. Galz only needed one bag on the board to win the game. Now, Galz is a gambler, especially when there is a 12-point round on the line, and Justin and Bushie hoped he’d aggressively gamble and allow them to live another round.

Galz was still aggressive, yet smart when chasing the 12-point round. He didn’t throw a bag with tons of heat, risking a carom off the board. Instead, he threw a higher floater toward the middle of the board. The bag hit and stuck – enough to win the game in comeback fashion, 21-18.

The choke was only one game for Justin and Bushie, but it kept Justin win-less and seemed like there was nothing the poor guy could do to win a game.

NEWS AND NOTES

• Galz was excellent this week, going 6-0 with a 14.1 KPM and scoring 1.0 cornholes per round. He also had the killer instinct to lead his team to a comeback in the Game of the Night. He will be the #3 seed in the Singles Tournament, and his game is as strong as ever.
• JV was rolling this week, posting a 13.4 KPM and 4-2 record. It was one of his least accurate evenings of the season at 63% (still very good by league-wide standards), but he offset that with 0.89 cornholes per round. JV’s 10-point round was a thing of beauty, taking two bags into the hole on his third toss, setting up an opportunity for a 12-point round. But his fourth bag came to rest on the board and he settled for a 10-point round.
• Coach Mike continued his recent trend of strong play, going 4-2 with a 9.6 KPM. He shot 53% and scored 3.2 gross points per round.
• Bushie also fell just short of the 10.0 KPM threshold, coming in at 9.8 on 54% shooting. Despite the solid individual numbers, he couldn’t find the win column, going 0-5.
• Bushie’s night summed up the entire evening – competitively noncompetitive. We had seven of eight players at 9.1 KPM or better, which should be an indicator of a lot of parity. Instead, only two of the 12 games were within seven points and the closest game of the evening was the Game of the Night, which included a 17-4 score before Justin and Bushie choked the game away.

CLAWSON, MICHIGAN – It took all of two games and JV’s brain was scrambled, and the rest of the guys were on notice as to the type of night this would be. It wasn’t really drugs that got him going. Rather, it was a fat dip of long-cut combined with Squirt and whiskey and a rip from KP’s Cohiba.

Just like that, JV was spinning. Literally. He wobbled like his legs were overcooked spaghetti noodles and his tosses were errant more often than accurate (just 47% shooting in Game 2).

JV limped to a 2-2 record through his first four games and averaged just 2.8 gross points per round, his wins due to his partners’ performances (Paul and Galz). But his equilibrium finally returned and he finished the night strong with a 10.4 KPM, 62% shooting, 3.5 gross points per round and a 6-5 record.

MUSHROOM STAMP MOMENT

JV’s rebound was so strong that he clawed his way to the week 7 MSM. Game 11 was a heavyweight showdown when JV partnered with Galz to take on Paul and Dibble.

JV and Glaz pounced on their opponent early with a 12-4 lead behind Galz outscoring Dibble (24-19) and JV getting the best of Paul (18-15). They would push their lead to 18-8 two rounds later and seemed to be cruising to victory.

But Dibble went Rocky IV on Galz, rising from his blood-soaked corner to throw some heavy

blows to Galz’s chin. Dibble hit him with a 7-3 jab and followed it up with a 12-4 left hook to the temple. The four-bagger was a killer that erased an 18-8 deficit and gave his team a 20-18 lead.

Galz and JV were shook like Ivan Drago, but this movie was not destined for the same ending. A spin-free JV had bags in his hands with the game on the line against Paul. How could he not get up for this moment?

JV scored all four of his tosses, including two in the hole, to notch an 8-1 advantage on Paul and win the game 21-20. JV’s clutch performance to clinch the match against his fierce rival is this week’s MSM.

SWEET ITALIAN SAUSAGE

For the second straight week Coach Mike was victim of the bun run. Many in the league are actually skeptical that the fix is in at least once per week. Does Coach actually like to get naked? Is he paying bribes to other players to help rig the system?

Coach has been flagged for now and will be monitored closely. Very closely. Especially when running his naked lap around the backyard.

This week Coach joined forces with Custer and they were thoroughly dominated by Mike T. and Barker. Completion of the bun run only required three and a half rounds thanks to Mike T. He was on fire, NBA JAM style, scoring 13 of his 16 tosses for the game (81%), seven of which were cornholes. He scored 27 gross points in just four rounds (averaging 6.75 gross points per round), which almost doubled the next highest gross point scorer in this game (Barker, his partner, had 14 gross points). Mike’s 27-11 ass kicking of Coach Mike contributed 16 of his team’s 21 points. He was incredible.

DIBBLE DABBLE

Scott Dibble joined the league in week 5 and immediately leapfrogged everyone to the top of the Power Rankings. He has resided there ever since, and wasn’t about to be unseated this week.

Dibble was sensational, draining three 12-point rounds and another three 10-point rounds. His 15.9 KPM this week is the highest in league history, and is primarily due to his absurd cornhole rate (1.13 per round) and accuracy 69%.

He likely already has the 2019 Rookie of the Year award locked down, but he has two championships on his mind – the Singles Tournament and Postseason Tournament.

CHAMPIONSHIP DEBUT

For the first time during the 2019 regular season, Barker graced us with his presence. He’s had more time off than Tiger Woods, appearing only in the 2019 Kick-Off Tournament since taking home the 2018 Postseason Tournament title – his second title in 2018.

Despite the time off, there was little rust in his game. He shot 77% and scored 4.6 gross points per round on his way to a 14.0 KPM and 2-1 record.

The one loss could be a sign of the tide turning, a shift in the balance of power. He teamed with JV, who together won both tournaments in 2018, to battle Galz and Dibble in Game 13.

The championship duo looked like the glory days through two rounds when they posted a 6-0 lead. But Galz and Dibble roared back with a 21-0 run to win the game, including a four-bagger (12-point round) by Dibble against Barker.

It was Barker’s first taste of Dibble’s greatness. He’ll adjust like he always does, but he now knows what the rest of the league knows – taming Kimmy Gibbler will be a tall task.

GAME OF THE NIGHT

This week’s Game of the Night featured Erik and JV vs. Dibble and Coach Mike in Game 1. Erik had the unenviable task of a head-to-head with Dibble, but he neutralized him through the first four and a half rounds by matching his gross points (15-15) allowing JV to outwork Coach Mike during this stretch (17-7) and give their squad a 14-4 advantage.

But in the bottom of the fifth Dibble shook loose. He dropped cornholes on his first three tosses to take a commanding 9-2 lead with one bag remaining. Erik’s final toss was a well-executed blocker to the upper-middle of the board in an attempt to limit the damage and prevent a four-bag round. The strategy worked when Dibble’s final toss couldn’t bull it’s way through Erik’s blocker. There would be no 12-point round this time, but the damage was done – the 10-3 round closed Dibble and Coach’s deficit to 14-11.

In the top of the seventh round, JV swished a cornhole on his way to a 5-2 advantage over Coach Mike, giving his team a 17-12 lead. But in the bottom of the seventh, the bad man was back again. Dibble went balls deep in the hole, recording another 10-point round (his second during a three round stretch). Erik managed two bags on the board or else it would’ve been game time. Nonetheless, Dibble’s 10-2 seventh round placed his team on the brink of victory, leading 20-17.

In the eighth, JV closed the gap to 20-19 and Erik came up big in the clutch to draw even with Dibble in the bottom half of the round.

JV needed to close the game in the top of the ninth because Dibble was scorching the hole at the other end. After four bags JV held a 3-1 advantage over Coach Mike, which would’ve been good for 21-20 win. But Coach Mike had one final bag to toss. He fired the back-handed taint tickler, carrying it deep up the board. The bag landed on one of JV’s prior bags and ricocheted to the ground. Luckily for Coach, the force of his toss pushed JV’s bag off the board, making JV’s advantage 2-1 and saving the game for Coach and Dibble (it was now tied at 20).

JV shook his head in disgust and the cocky Coach boasted, “Can you see me coming JV?!?!”

JV fired back without missing a beat, “See you coming? I’ve been sticking it in your ass every round!”

The outburst was part frustration he couldn’t close the game and likely partially because he sensed Dibble was about to hand him a loss.

Erik had other plans in mind. His first toss found the bottom of the hole, placing immense pressure on Dibble. First toss for Dibble missed the board, then Erik responded with another bag on the board followed by another Dibble miss.

Erik held a 4-0 lead after two tosses and continued to apply pressure when his third bag found the middle of the board. Erik now clung to a 5-0 lead after perfectly executing a blocker with his third toss.

Dibble needed two cornholes in his final two tosses to keep the game alive. He delivered a fastball, trying to ram his way through Erik’s blocker and into the hole. But he had too much heat on the toss and it skipped off and over the board.

The game was over, and Erik was flawless in his navigation of the ninth round against a scary opponent. Once he hit the first cornhole, he played defense and made life hard for Dibble to execute.

Sensational play from Erik helped his team win, 21-20, and his poise was critical to surviving two 10-point rounds from Dibble.

Game 1 was a hell of a start to a great night.

NEWS AND NOTES

• It’s a travesty we’re this far into the recap and haven’t mentioned Galz in detail. Truth is, he was on pace to have an all-time night. Through his first three games he was 3-0, with an untouchable 19.6 KPM! Yes, you read that right…19.6 KPM! During that stretch:
  • He averaged 6.2 gross points per round
  • He scored 28 cornholes in just 19 rounds (said another way, 28 cornholes in 76 tosses – good for one every 2.5 throws)
  • He scored 61 out of 76 total tosses, which is good for 80% accuracy

It was a tough pace to sustain, and he eventually dipped a bit as the night continued. But he still finished with a 14.3 KPM, 68% accuracy, 4.6 gross points per round, 0.93 cornholes per round, and a 6-3 record. He also posted one 12-point round and two 10-point rounds.

• Paul continues to be the most improved player in the league this year. He registered a 10.7 KPM this week, making his KPM for the season 10.3 (good for seventh in the Power Rankings). Paul also scored an incredible 10-point round, draining two bags on his final toss of the round, on his way to a 3-3 record. However, he was victim of Dibble’s first career footsnag and cried about it for 10 minutes because “I’m drinking a 7% beer!” After immense peer pressure, and harassment from JV, Paul followed the rules and chugged his 7% beer.

  

• Erik was steady throughout the night with an 8.2 KPM and 55% shooting. He won his first match of the night, then lost five in a row to finish 1-5. Every week he proves to be accurate and reliable (shooting 56% for the season compared to 43% in 2018), but he’s victim to some tough match-ups, and lack of cornholes.

CLAWSON, MICHIGAN – League expansion is always welcomed, and every player in the league has the green light to invite friends. The league commissioner trusts the judgment of the other players to evaluate if someone will be compatible with the rest of the league, and add to the quality of it both on and off the court.

While the league commissioner has that trust, JV very clearly does not.

JV and KP arrived early this week intending to assist Coach Mike with set-up and get a jump start on beverage consumption. Coach began discussing the friend he invited to join during week 5.

Coach: “His name is Scott Dibble. You can just call him Dibble.”

KP: “The more the merrier! I assume he’s going to fit in with the rest of the guys?”

Coach: “He’ll fit in. He likes to party and loves cornhole. He’s really good. He’s probably better than Galz, and will be near the top of the league. He could probably play with the guys on ESPN if he practiced as often as they do.”

Those words carry hefty amounts of weight. As Coach walked into the garage JV and KP reacted to the hype.

KP: “Better than Galz, huh? Best in the league? Could play with the guys on ESPN? This should be fun.”

JV: “Fuck this Kimmy Gibbler guy. I can’t wait to kick his ass tonight.”

Just like that, JV’s fire was stoked and KP’s excitement to score-keep was at an all-time high.

FULLER HOUSE?

Moments later an unassuming guy walks up the driveway in camouflage shorts and glasses. THIS is Kimmy Gibbler…errr, Scott Dibble? THIS is the guy who is going to dominate the league?

JV glanced at KP, ready to whip his dick-copter out and go Bob Saget on the new guy’s ass.

So naturally in Game 1 of the night, JV finagled his way into going head-to-head with Dibble. JV wanted a piece of him so badly that he agreed to partner with his arch nemesis, Paul, to take on Dibble and Coach Mike.

Dibble was granted first throw honors, and he promptly sank a cornhole. JV launched his first bag and missed the board. Oh shit!

Dibble’s second toss landed perfectly in the middle of the board and slid beautifully into the hole. JV then missed the board with his second toss. OH SHIT!

Was Dibble really going to post a 12-point round with the first four bags of his LEG career? If so, how do we ban this dickhead from the league?

Thankfully Dibble’s third toss missed the board, causing JV and KP’s blood pressure to fall a few notches. He still punched JV in the mouth in round one, winning 7-1 thanks to two consecutive cornholes.

Like true champions often do, JV responded in round two. He sunk two cornholes and bested Dibble, 7-4. In rounds two through six JV outscored Dibble 27-17 and was the primary factor in his team’s 20-14 advantage.

In the top of the seventh round JV and Paul held a 20-14 lead and JV had honors to throw first.

JV Toss #1 – cornhole!

Dibble Toss #1 – cornhole!

JV Toss #2 – cornhole!!

Dibble Toss #2 – on the board

JV Toss #3 – missed the board

Dibble Toss #3 – missed the board

Dibble may be every bit as good as Coach Mike hyped him to be, but lesson #1 in this league is DO NOT fail to capitalize on one of the few opportunities JV gives you to beat him. JV had a 6-4 advantage and missed his third toss – Dibble needed to pounce on him, especially being down 20-14 in the match. The errant third toss by Dibble showed some weakness.

JV Toss #4 – on the board

Dibble Toss #4 – he needed a cornhole to tie the round (7-7) and extend the match, but JV’s bag was the perfect blocker to defend against a cornhole. Dibble loaded up, delivered his final bag firmly toward the hole, but missed. His bag came to rest in the upper right portion of the board, and he had lost the round (7-5) and the match (21-14).

JV looked over at KP with a fist pump, and KP smiled, both inside and out. Welcome to the league, Dibble.

In fact, Dibble is damn good – at least on this night. His overall record was middle of the road at just 8-6, including a combined 3-4 against JV and Galz (1-2 against JV, 2-2 against Galz). The rest of his numbers were elite:

• 14.6 KPM on 65% shooting, averaging 4.7 gross points per round and a ridiculous 1.02 cornholes every four tosses
• He had two 12-point rounds and two 10-point rounds
• In the fourth round of Game 11 Dibble flashed his excellence. Two of his first three bags came to rest near the hole, while the third bag missed the board. His final toss carried all the way to the hole, clipping the other two bags and dragging them through the hole. A 9-point shot! It’s not the Mushroom Stamp Moment of the week because it was early in the match, extending a 3-2 lead to 9-2…but, it was against JV.
• Dibble outscored every opponent head-to-head except Paul, who actually dominated Dibble in their only match-up (more on Paul later):
  • Won head-to-head with Marco – 140 – 135
  • Won head-to-head with JV – 70 – 66
  • Won head-to-head with Galz – 42 – 29
  • Won head-to-head with Adam H. – 108 – 61
  • Won head-to-head with Jack – 36 – 28
  • Lost head-to-head with Paul – 23 – 41

The neighborhood just got tougher – but any Dibble dominance won’t come easy.

GAME OF THE NIGHT

This might be the hardest decision of the night. Not only because we played 23 games in week 5 (special shout-out to the commissioner and best scorekeeper in the world, KP, for score keeping two games at once), but because 10 of those 23 games were decided by 5 points or less.

Many of those 10 games decided by 5 points or less are contenders for Game of the Night, but the ultimate winner was the thriller in Game 16 featuring Dibble and Marco vs. Paul and Adam H. On paper, this looks like a complete mismatch, and that’s no disrespect to Paul or Adam H. Dibble and Marco are powerful players who can generate explosive rounds at any moment, whereas Paul and Adam H. are good, steady players.

Well, paper played itself out in real life through the first four and a half rounds with Marco and Dibble racing out to a 13-6 lead with Marco putting the team on his shoulders and dominating Adam H. during that span (25-15).

But in the bottom of the fifth, Paul drained a cornhole and added three more bags on the board en route to a 6-3 advantage over Dibble, giving his squad the juice it needed.

Adam H. closed it to 13-10 in the sixth with a modest 3-2 advantage over Marco, and Paul continued the surge with a 3-0 drubbing in the bottom of the sixth to tie it at 13 apiece.

In the seventh, Marco overpowered Adam H. to reclaim the lead at 16-13, and it looked to be the type of knockout blow you’d expect from Marco and Dibble – one that most assume Paul and Adam H. couldn’t handle.

But assuming makes an ass out of “u” and “me.” Paul was on fire and rolled Dibble, 8-4, in the bottom of the seventh, giving his team a 17-16 lead. Adam H. chipped in with another point, making it 18-16 in the top of the eighth round.

Going into the bottom of the eighth, Paul had dominated Dibble, 31-18 throughout the game. He and Adam H. were on the verge of potentially the biggest upset of the 2019 regular season, but Paul needed to deliver one more time in the clutch.

Unfortunately for Paul, he landed all four tosses on the board but couldn’t register any cornholes. His four gross points were still better than Dibble’s three, boosting his team’s lead to 19-16. But, the bags were turned back over to Adam H. who faced a dangerously explosive Marco.

Marco sank two cornholes in his first three tosses (the other toss missed the board) and Adam H. managed only two bags on the board while missing his other two. Marco held a 6-2 advantage with one bag to go, needing only one bag on the board to give his team a 21-19 win. He loaded and fired, but he had too much heat on the toss as it hit the board and slid long and off.

Adam H. and Paul exhaled, but still had to dig themselves out of a 20-19 hole. In the bottom of the ninth round Paul drained a cornhole and tossed three perfectly placed blockers on the board for 6 gross points. Meanwhile, through three tosses Dibble had two on the board and missed another bag. He was down to his final throw staring at a 6-2 deficit and needing a cornhole or else the game was over. Sound familiar – needing cornhole on a final throw to extend the match or it’s game-set-match? Indeed, Dibble faced the same situation in Game 1 against JV.

Once again, Dibble delivered the same result. He launched his final toss, going for an airmail to avoid Paul’s three blockers, and missed the board. Paul and Adam H. did the unthinkable! They pulled the 21-20 stunner over Dibble and Marco!

Paul was incredible, outscoring Dibble, 40-23, and averaged 4.4 gross points per round thanks to nine total cornholes (in just nine rounds). Adam H. played well, but couldn’t keep pace with Marco’s cornhole rate (Marco held a 7-1 cornhole advantage on Adam), losing that head-to-head match, 40-25.

ALWAYS A BRIDESMAID, NEVER A BRIDE

Runners-up for Game of the Night were Games 8 and 10, which we’ve briefly recapped.

Game 8

Match-up: JV and Dibble vs. Galz and Jack

Recap: JV and Dibble jumped out to a quick 12-0 lead in the first round thanks to Dibble routing Jack, 9-0. But Galz and Jack went on a 16-1 run over three rounds to take a 16-13 lead, highlighted by Galz sinking seven cornholes and outscoring JV 8-7, 10-6, and 7-1 during that run.

They pushed their lead to 19-15 before Dibble and JV came roaring back with their own 6-0 run to close and win the game 21-19. The game was tied at 19 and Dibble clinched the win with a 4-1 advantage over Jack.

Highlights: Galz won the head-to-head with JV, 38-33, while Dibble outpaced Jack, 36-28. Both Galz and Dibble knocked in nine cornholes apiece during the nine round game.

Game 10

Match-up: JV and Galz vs. Paul and Marco

Recap: You thought JV and Dibble’s 12-0 start through round one was impressive in Game 8? Well, JV and Galz held a 17-0 lead after two rounds against Paul and Marco. The dynamic duo combined for nine cornholes in two rounds (that’s 9 of 16 tosses going for cornholes), with JV besting Paul 8-2 and 6-4, while Galz crushed Marco 7-5 and 9-2.

Paul and Marco could’ve thrown in the towel, but they chipped away at the deficit, crawling out of the hole with an 18-3 run behind the cold spell from Galz that allowed Marco to outscore him 21-10 during the run. On the other end, Paul got the best of JV, 23-19, closing the margin to 20-18.

With the game on the line, the bags were in the hands of enemies in a tense head-to-head match. Could Paul drive a stake in JV’s heart yet again? No this time – JV was accurate with all four bags on the board, while Paul landed only two on the board. That 4-2 advantage was enough for JV and Galz to recover from almost blowing a 17-0 save.

Highlights: JV topped Paul head-to-head, 37-31, and Marco edged Galz, 28-26. Interestingly, Galz only scored 26 gross points despite registering the most cornholes of any player (seven). Excluding his seven cornholes, Galz was a horrific 5/17 on his remaining throws, which was a big factor in the Paul-Marco comeback.

MUSHROOM STAMP MOMENT

THIRTEEN 10-point rounds and two 12-point rounds were posted this week, so deciding on the MSM was extremely difficult. However, this week’s award goes to Coach Mike for completely turning Game 6 around. He and Marco were down 15-8 to Galz and Dibble when Coach dropped a 10-point round (10-4 scoring) on Galz in round five, igniting his team to 10 net points in the fifth round to claim an 18-15 lead. They held on for a 21-20 comeback victory and it was all initiated by Coach’s 10-point stamp on Galz’s forehead.

BUN RUNS!

Adam H. was welcomed to LEG the hard way – by getting bun run twice this week! JV was the dealer on both occasions:

• Partnered with Marco in Game 7 to shutout Adam and Mike T. in just two and a half rounds! JV and Marco drained six combined cornholes in just 20 tosses and Marco scored a 10-0 TKO on Mike T. It was an impressive 21-0 victory, and JV was so excited he joined in the bun run action.
• Partnered with Dibble in Game 13 to shutout Adam and Marco, this time in three rounds! JV and Dibble swished 11 combined conrholes in 24 tosses, capped by Dibble’s 12-point round to win the game.

NEWS AND NOTES

• Marco pushed Dibble for top KPM of the night, coming in at 14.5 (Dibble was 14.6) thanks to 73% shooting, a ridiculous 0.89 cornholes per round and 4.7 gross points per round. His record was a modest 6-6, but he was excellent all night including three 10-point rounds – one of which negated the impact of a Dibble 12-point round.
• Galz was hot and cold, but was hot more often than not. He posted a 13.4 KPM thanks to 0.88 cornholes per round, 63% shooting and 4.3 gross points per round. Galz recorded the most 10-point rounds of any player this week (four). He also sneaked out a 7-4 record when almost all the other guys hovered around .500 for the night.
• JV was hellbent on teaching Dibble the ABCs of LEG, and he did just that. JV finished with a 13.2 KPM, which was lower than Dibble’s because of too much whiskey and Squirt throughout the night. But his 68% shooting, 0.78 cornholes per round and

  

  4.3 gross points per round were all elite measures and he also saved seven games out of seven tries. His record was incredible given the competition (10-3) and he added a footsnag for good measure.

• Paul crossed the 10.0 KPM line for the first time in his LEG career! He strolled into the clubhouse at 11.3 KPM for the night. Paul’s accuracy has been very good all season (tonight 59%), but he typically struggles to make cornholes at a high clip. This week he scored them at 0.65 per round, and that was the difference with elevating his KPM.
• Coach Mike earned the MSM and a 9.1 KPM. He shot 48% and knocked in 0.53 cornholes per round, leading to 3.0 gross points per round. Coach continues to build confidence each week, resembling the ice cold killer from 2016 and 2017.
• Mike T. may have found his game. The rookie posted a career-best 8.7 KPM, which doesn’t jump off the stats page when comparing to the heavyweights above. What you need to understand is Mike is a multi-time dart league champion – that means he has talent and championship pedigree that will eventually translate to cornhole, and he finally figured out his stroke midway through the night. Early on his KPM sunk to the 5 – 6 range, but he turned it on in the second half of the night and drove his KPM to 8.7. He made more cornholes than usual (0.53 per round) and his accuracy was much improved (44%). The tide turned for Mike in Game 17 when he outscored Coach, 36-32 and dropped seven cornholes. Keep an eye on Mike for the rest of the season – he’s rounding into form at the right time.
• Jack was 2-3 overall and was reasonably accurate (44%), but he couldn’t score any cornholes (only 0.33 per round) on a night when every other player was hitting for three. His KPM suffered because of it (7.2), but he had some impressive moments throughout the night, including outscoring Dibble, 28-27, over eight rounds after losing the first round, 9-0, in Game 8.
• Adam H. played well in his debut, logging an 8.7 KPM on 54% shooting. He couldn’t hit cornholes with the pace the others did (only 0.38 per round), but played well most of the night despite finishing with a 2-9 record. The highlight of his night was in Game 14 when he was toe to toe with JV and held his own, losing only 46-42 and weathering the storm of 14 cornholes from JV (Adam had nine cornholes of his own).

NOVI, MICHIGAN –

“I am a real American”

“Fight for the rights of every man”

“I am a real American”

“Fight for what’s right – fight for your life!”

These lyrics echoed from a Jeep as it turned on Cypress Way. JV and KP halted their tournament setup progress to lookup. Before the Jeep clicked into park, the driver’s door swung open and out stepped Galz Hogan.

He didn’t turn the car off, didn’t close the driver’s door, didn’t lower the theme music. He stepped right up to KP, grabbed his hand holding an invisible mic, and sent a message to JV. In short, “I’m coming for you, brother!”

Yes, Galz was coming for JV, but “you” meant 16 other guys vying for The Cup.

LEG was once again the epicenter of the cornhole world as 18 players arrived at the 2019 Preseason Kick-Off Tournament, decked out to celebrate the 1980’s.

Coach Mike hopped out of an Uber looking like Run-DMC with a boombox already blasting Cypress Hill and a cooler full of Bud Light Limes in the other hand. The tournament theme was to honor Coach (and Bushie, Steve-O, and Tony – all of whom couldn’t participate) for turning 50 years old in 2019 by throwing things back to his college years.

He was the guest of honor, and he was dressed to kill.

DRAFT LOTTERY

The draft lottery was completely random, with the ping pong balls deciding teams rather than giving the players any option to draft their partners. The commissioner felt it was the most logical way to create balanced teams, and it seemed to work.

Two sets of ping pong balls were numbered 1 – 9 and entered into the lottery wheel. The two players who randomly drew ping pong ball #1 were partners, and so on. The resulting teams were formed:

Team Name	Player 1	Player 2
Dego ‘N Oates	Marco	Scott
The Mega Powers	Galz	Matt Meyer (“Meyer”)
Larry Bird is His Uncle!	Coach Mike	Dan
Cornholios	Jeff Vack	Brian Parr (“BP”)
District 5	KP	Paul G.
2010s	Pierson	Paul
Three Inches is Better Than Nothing	JV	Mike T.
Cinco de Drinko	Bert	Kyle
No Whammies	Ryan	Barker

On paper, two dominant teams stood out – Dego ‘N Oates and The Mega Powers – while the remaining teams were extremely balanced. No Whammies looked dangerous because of two-time champion, Barker, and the first-ever champion, Ryan Harvey.

Larry Bird is His Uncle! was also a paper-contender thanks to the rapidly improving Dan Ranville, and the veteran explosiveness of Coach Mike.

JV and Mike were a big mystery because Mike was making his first LEG appearance, but they were hell-bent on forming the most ridiculous team name just so KP had to engrave The Cup in case they won, Three Inches is Better Than Nothing.

ROUND ROBIN

Not only were teams randomly drafted, but the round robin schedule was also randomly decided prior to formation of teams. Nine teams each played four round robin games, the results of which were used for seeding the triple elimination tournament.

The dominant teams on paper turned out to truly be dominant in the round robin session. Dego ‘N Oates won all four of their games, outscoring their opponents by a ridiculous 84-30 margin and their closest game was a 21-11 win over District 5.

As good as Dego ‘N Oates was, The Mega Powers somehow found a way to more dominance. Galz Hogan was unbelievable, making cornholes look effortless and leading his team to a perfect record (4-0) by outscoring opponents 84-24. Their closest game was a 21-8 victory, which happened twice (poor District 5 and 2010s).

Thanks to a larger margin of victory, The Mega Powers earned the number one overall seed and Dego ‘N Oates claimed the number two seed. Both teams were on opposite sides of the bracket and seemed primed for a collision course to meet in the late stages of the tournament.

The remaining seven teams licked their wounds from the top two seeds and took turns beating the hell out of each other. Four squads finished 2-2 in round robin: Larry Bird is His Uncle!, District 5, Three Inches is Better Than Nothing, and No Whammies.

Cinco de Drinko was ready to party from the moment the first bag was tossed, and they were aggressively foot snagging their opponents. They finished round robin 1-3, but might’ve had the most impressive win in round robin for any team not named The Mega Powers or Dego ‘N Oates. Kyle found his rhythm and Bert showed signs of his 2017 championship form when they dominated the talented Larry Bird is His Uncle! in a 21-13 win.

Pierson and Paul, 2010s, prevented Cinco de Drinko from joining the 2-2 club when they knocked them off 21-15. Both 2010s and Cinco de Drinko finished round robin with 1-3 records.

Cornholios struggled to score, finishing with just 20 total points after four round robin games (losses of 21-4, 21-5, 21-1, and 21-10). In fairness, they were ripping shots of Fireball and the beer was flowing like water. BP was a blur of neon and tie dye awesomeness, while Jeff’s mustache interfered with every aspect of his game, other than downing booze like a proud drunken republican. The rookie duo finished round robin at 0-4, and firmly as the number nine seed.

The tie-breakers were analyzed, seeds were locked, and the triple elimination Royal Rumble was on:

 

 

TOURNAMENT

After a win-less round robin, Cornholios pulled an upset in game 1 against Cinco de Drinko. Booze calmed their nerves, and the “woosh” sound of BP’s windbreaker pants every time he stepped to throw distracted Bert just enough to allow Cornholios to hang around in this game. As we all know, the longer an underdog hangs around, the bigger threat they become. Cornholios pulled a stunner, scoring more points (21) in the victory than they did in four round robin games (20). Their reward? A date with The Mega Powers.

Another mild upset occurred in the #4 vs. #5 match-up when Larry Bird is His Uncle! topped Three Inches is Better Than Nothing, 21-16.

Coach Mike didn’t know if he should fill JV with mouthwash and put him in his mouth, or drop cornhole after cornhole on his ass. Thankfully for all of us Coach decided to drop cornholes.

During post-game interviews Coach celebrated on the sidelines getting “tricky” with his gyrations. Meanwhile, a distraught Magnum P.I. (Mike) couldn’t stop telling KP all about his three inches.

No Whammies exploded in the first round, embarrassing District 5, 21-1. Barker and Harvey (combined three LEG titles) seemed poised to make noise. But that quickly ended in the second round when #2 Dego ‘N Oates handled them easily, 21-12.

The winner’s bracket collision course between the two best seeds came to fruition after The Mega Powers dealt a bunrun to two straight opponents, beating #9 Cornholios and #5 Larry Bird is His Uncle! 21-0.

Rules are rules, and the victims payed homage to the bunrun tradition – BP, Jeff, and Coach Mike all chose calisthenics sandwiched between Fireball shots, while Dan honorably pranced a naked lap around the house.

Once bunrun festivities settled down, the winner’s bracket heavyweight showdown captivated everyone. Galz had an incredible sense of urgency as the match kicked off – the aspiring champion knew remaining undefeated would give his team an excellent opportunity to not only make the championship match, but win it.

Dego ‘N Oates were shaky early, hitting the board but unable to drop cornholes, opening the door for The Mega Powers to capitalize. The Mega Powers built an enormous early lead, pinning their opponent on the mat. They kept them down for the three count in a 21-7 statement victory.

Dego ‘N Oates looked to regroup in the loser’s bracket against a mess of parity.

After an encouraging tournament start with an upset victory in the #8 vs. #9 game, Cornholios subsequently lost three straight matches, including the bunrun discussed earlier, and exited the tournament. BP and Jeff didn’t make the rookie splash they hoped for, but they gained valuable experience and grew with every game in the tournament.

After going 1-3 in round robin with a few close losses (21-16 and 21-17) 2010s (Paul and Pierson) hung with Dego ‘N Oates for a while before losing 21-12 in the first round. Unfortunately they couldn’t ride much momentum to produce positive results the rest of the way, as they were bounced from the tournament with consecutive losses to Cinco de Drinko (21-16 and a sickening 21-20 loss) after beating Cinco de Drinko in round robin.

Cinco de Drinko proved to have at least the heartbeat of a champion behind the versatility of Bert. They finished the tournament 2-3 with the wins over 2010s, but had the head-scratching loss to #9 Cornholios and a devastating 21-20 loss in the loser’s bracket to District 5.

In the end, the mix of a former champion (Bert) and a rookie (Kyle) was enough to be extremely competitive but not a true threat to win The Cup, as they were eliminated by Three Inches is Better Than Nothing in the double loser’s bracket.

For the first time since 2017, Barker and JV were separated and forced to battle one another. The random scheduler allowed them to avoid meeting in round robin, but the tournament is the ultimate storyteller, creating drama and intrigue with almost every match. In the loser’s bracket players grabbed a beer and were glued to the head-to-head match between former teammates.

Even their partners ratcheted up the intensity – Mike undid the top few buttons on his Hawaiian shirt and Ryan strutted by JV, muttering “You’re going down fucker,” as he backhand tapped JV in the nuts. JV threw a full Labatt Blue Light in retaliation and

Barker shouted, “Easy, JV!” from the other end of the court. From championship partners to enemies. It was lovely, like when Macho Man Randy Savage turned his back on tag team partner, Hulk Hogan, over jealously with Miss Elizabeth.

JV, like Macho Man, took a lesson at the knee of his former partner. Barker bent JV over and spanked that ass again and again, not letting up until he and Ryan had clinched a 21-7 victory. Did JV ride Barker’s coattails during their championship runs in 2018? Like Hogan, was Barker the real muscle behind this dynamic duo? It certainly looked that way.

JV was never the same, and Three Inches is Better Than Nothing fell to the double loser’s bracket where they were later eliminated after a second loss to Larry Bird is His Uncle!.

District 5 featured Paul G. and KP, who finds himself in year 4 of LEG and still chasing championship dreams. They were absolutely throttled in the #3 vs. #6 match-up with No Whammies (21-1), but seemed to find solid footing with back-to-back 21-20 victories in the loser’s bracket over Cinco de Drinko and Larry Bird is His Uncle!.

Sadly for District 5, they lost even in victory over Larry Bird is His Uncle!. They were down late in the match, 20-19, when KP fired a bag with hopes of draining a cornhole and ending the match. As KP threw, he crashed to the ground in pain with a knee injury, forcing him to withdraw from the tournament. Paul was incredible, handling the adversity of a fallen partner and a 20-19 deficit to outscore Coach Mike in the next frame and win the game, 21-20. District 5 advanced to play No Whammies, but

Paul G. and Barker found themselves without partners after KP’s injury and Ryan was disqualified for violating the league’s substance abuse policy for the second time in his career – really hard to do considering the substances allowed to be abused.

Paul G. and Barker agreed to partner and form the “new” District 5, while No Whammies was gutted and forfeited the last two matches after starting the tournament 2-1.

In the loser’s bracket, District 5 had their hands full with Dego ‘N Oates and a trip to face The Mega Powers in the balance. Dego ‘N Oates was fresh off a humiliating loss to The Mega Powers, eager to get back on track against an upgraded District 5 team compared to the one they crushed 21-8 in round robin (Barker substituted for KP).

As he always does late in tournaments, Barker began to find his groove and Paul G. did an excellent job of stalemating Marco. They stood toe-to-toe with Dego ‘N Oates deep into the match, but Marco and Scott put too much pressure on their opponents with their exceptionally high cornhole rate. That pressure broke District 5’s pipes in a thrilling 21-19 win for Dego ‘N Oates.

District 5 needed that win for confidence and proof that the new partnership was championship caliber. They couldn’t secure victory and in the very next match in the double loser’s bracket, the red-hot Coach Mike and Dan (Larry Bird is His Uncle!) punched a one-way ticket for District 5 to go home.

THE HOME STRETCH

Larry Bird is His Uncle! pulled the #4 vs. #5 upset victory in the first round and were subsequently bunrun by The Mega Powers, sending them into a tailspin where they lost their next match and faced elimination in the double loser’s bracket.

With backs against the wall, Coach and Dan excelled and won four straight matches, including avenging a 21-20 loss to District 5 to earn a bid in the semifinals. Their opponent? Let’s get to that…

The Mega Powers vs. Dego ‘N Oates part deux was an enormous match. If The Mega Powers win, they march immediately to the championship match undefeated. If Dego ‘N Oates win, they even the score and instantly play a third match with The Mega Powers with a trip to the championship on the line.

The rivalry didn’t disappoint, as Dego ‘N Oates had revenge on their minds and championship dreams in their hearts. They knocked The Mega Powers from the ranks of the undefeated, winning 21-17.

Larry Bird is His Uncle! waited as chapter three of The Mega Powers vs. Dego ‘N Oates needed to be written. For the third time in the tournament, these heavyweights squared off. Once again, Marco and Scott applied so much pressure by sinking cornhole after cornhole. Galz is equipped to hold-up under these conditions, but Meyer is not – he’s an impressive rookie, but his game is suited for accuracy on the board, not repeated cornholes.

Dego ‘N Oates won again, 21-14, sending the #1 seeded The Mega Powers to the double loser’s bracket to face upstart Larry Bird is His Uncle! in an elimination match.

Larry Bird is His Uncle! had celebrated their four straight victories and semifinal appearance a bit too much during the two games between Dego ‘N Oates and The Mega Powers. Coach Mike was standing on the deck, shirt off, pounding Bud Light Limes as he sang “I Wanna Dance With Somebody” better than Whitney could ever dream. Meanwhile, Dan STILL wasn’t wearing pants and claimed his fistful of gummies were “CBD only.” They were a goddamn mess, and were in no condition to upset The Mega Powers in the semifinals, losing 21-10.

It was a great run for Larry Bird is His Uncle!, with Dan playing the best he’s ever played and reaching his second semifinals ever. Coach Mike was the powerful bully we grew to love in 2016 and 2017 when he was one of the best in the league and claiming a spot on all-tournament teams. He played excellent while also proving to be the best ‘80s DJ in metro Detroit.

The championship match was set, and really wasn’t a surprise to anyone – Dego ‘N Oates (9-1, counting round robin) vs. The Mega Powers (8-2, counting round robin). The teams entered the title match with a combined record of 17-3 with all three losses coming to one another. The key this time is Dego ‘N Oates only needed one victory to claim The Cup, while The Mega Powers had no margin for error, needing to win two straight matches for The Cup.

Scott had been here before and possesses the poise to navigate the stress of a championship match. He’s won a title and finished runner-up, so everyone expected him to play at a championship level. The question for Dego ‘N Oates was if Marco could continue to perform at a dominating level under the pressure of a championship.

The first game might have been the best of all between these two teams, with no team ever holding more than a four point advantage. Meyer’s underrated skill of being able to draw even with his opponent was crucial in this game as he kept Scott from having a game-breaking round. That allowed Galz to throw knockout blows at Marco. The Mega Powers somehow found a way to squeak out a 21-18 win to force one final game for all the marbles.

It was only appropriate to play a fifth and final game between these two dominant teams since each team had a 2-2 record against the other. Confidence is a fickle thing, and suddenly The Mega Powers overflowed with it, while Dego ‘N Oates were a bit rattled.

Galz is an extremely dangerous cornhole threat on every toss, but he’s a special talent because of his versatility. Sure cornholes are sexy, but his bag placement to play defense and create poor angles for his opponent is almost more valuable than the

three points he registers for every cornhole. He displayed this skill in the final game, causing all sorts of problems for Dego ‘N Oates and helping The Mega Powers romp to a 21-8 victory to claim the 2019 Preseason Kick-Off Championship!

Galz was clearly a stud, but Meyer was the straw that stirred the drink. He elevated his play and his head-to-head stalemate of Scott in the first game of the title (fourth game overall between the two teams) made this championship possible.

Congratulations to Galz and Meyer for etching their names in LEG championship lore. Can these Mega Powers stay together

for more historic moments? Can Galz join a select few LEG greats as players to claim both the Preseason and Postseason titles in the same year? Those questions are for another day. For now, they’ll enjoy this one.

ALL-TOURNAMENT TEAM

The 2019 Preseason All-Tournament Team consisted of the top four players based on votes cast among all players. Galz was voted to his second-consecutive all-tournament team after carrying The Mega Powers to The Cup. Marco and Scott earned their first all-tournament team honors after an impressive runner-up finish, and Coach Mike earned all-tournament team honors for the third time in his career (2016 and 2017 Postseason tournaments), taking home his first tournament MVP honor after leading Larry Bird is His Uncle! to a semifinal appearance.

The 2019 League of Extraordinary Gentlemen Preseason Kick-Off Tournament is less than 24 hours away, so let’s dive into what to watch for and some intriguing story lines of the tournament.

CHAMPIONSHIP PEDIGREE

The Preseason Kick-Off Tournament will feature five past champions who’ve combined for seven titles. Humberto Klein (2017 Preseason Kick-Off Champion), Ryan Harvey (2016 Postseason Champion), Scott Garavalia (2017 Postseason Champion), Brent Barker (2018 Preseason Kick-Off Champion and Postseason Champion), and Jeff Valantas (2018 Preseason Kick-Off Champion and Postseason Champion).

Odds are excellent that one of these guys will drink from The Cup at the end of the tournament.

WHAT ABOUT THE NEW GUYS?

The 2019 Preseason Kick-Off will feature four players who are making their LEG debut, and two more players (Pierson and Paul G.) who are playing in only their second LEG tournament.

The following players are making their LEG debut:

• Mike Turley
• Kyle Dillard
• Jeff Vack
• Brian Parr

With one-third of the field having little experience, and no track record for the remaining 12 players to evaluate their skills, this should create a lot of balance and unpredictability.

DARK HORSES

LEG has never had this much parity, and there are several players who are capable of hoisting their first Cup.

Marco Bonanni hasn’t found much tournament success in his career, but he has been a beast during the regular season, including 2018 when he finished the season with an 11.0 KPM and averaged an amazing 0.75 cornholes per round (good for third in the league). Marco runs hot and cold, but when he’s hot, nobody in the league can rival his game.

Coach Mike had a sluggish 2018 season, but he’s been an intimidating presence in 2016 and 2017, and so far his 2019 season is off to a great start. Last week he posted a 9.7 KPM and shot 58%, but more importantly, his patented back-handed taint tickler looked dangerous again. If Coach lets the groove get in, his opponents are in for a very long and frustrated day.

Adam Rymill is one of the most improved players in the league, steadily climbing the Power Rankings year-over-year. Last year he finished 7^th in the Power Rankings (out of 23 players) with a 10.9 KPM on 55% shooting and averaged 3.5 gross points per round. Adam was also the league leader in footsnags with 43 for the year, adding another dangerous weapon for his opponents to consider. For the new guys – footsnags are when you control an errant toss on your foot (like a hacky sack) without letting it hit the ground. The person who threw the bag has to drink half their beer before play resumes. Adam is the best in the league at this strategy.

THE FAVORITES

It’s easy to pick JV or Barker, both of whom partnered together in last year’s Preseason Kick-Off and Postseason tournaments and won both titles.

No doubt these guys will be in the hunt again, especially considering Barker has won two titles, finished runner-up twice and his worst tournament finish was a semifinal appearance (2017 Preseason Kick-Off, as Stockton Malone).

Scott Garavalia is likely to contend for the title considering he has a championship and a runner-up finish in his only two tournament appearances. He also has great family tradition to honor, since his brother JG is a League of Extraordinary Gentlemen legend (two LEG championships and an MVP award).

Andrew Galczyk (known as “Galz”) was the 2018 LEG Rookie of the Year, finishing second in the Power Rankings with a 12.0 KPM and averaged a league-best 0.78 cornholes per round while adding 58% accuracy. Galz finished runner-up in the 2018 Singles Tournament and gave Nick Winkler (another LEG legend) all he wanted in the championship match. He also partnered with Bushie to make a run to the semifinals of the 2018 Postseason Tournament.

PREDICTION

The 2019 Preseason Kick-Off has all the ingredients to be the best tournament in history. We have a strong group of unknown players who will likely be X-factors in the outcome of the tournament, and five past champions who undoubtedly will stand in the ring and take everyone’s best shot.

A preview is worthless without a prediction, and my prediction history has been pretty good (last year I picked Barker to breakthrough and win the Preseason Kick-Off).

Galz burst onto the scene in 2018 and has been arguably the best individual player in the league since his arrival. He almost won the Singles Tournament and carried a Coors Light-loaded Bushie to the semifinals in the Postseason. This feels like Galz’s moment – Bell’s Two Hearted from The Cup! Cobra Kai!