BEVERLY HILLS, MICHIGAN – An innocent Thursday night of cornhole quickly turned sour. Games hadn’t yet started when heavy footfalls shook the ground, players’ heads swiveling to identify the culprit. From behind the arborvitaes emerged Clarence – a man built like a brick shit house, so muscular he looked like he’d been 3D-printed from whey protein. His neck was indistinguishable from his shoulders, testosterone radiating like heat off asphalt.
“WHO THE F*CK PARKED BLOCKING MY DRIVEWAY?!” he bellowed, looking part Deebo (from the movie “Friday”), part Michael Clarke Duncan, and full Barry Wood. 
The Gentlemen froze, nobody willing to admit fault.
“Uhh,” said Big Mike, feeling nervously guilty. “Was it… a Chevy Impala?”
Clarence, in a fit of roid rage fired back. “That’s f*cking disrespectful. I’ll kick your f*cking ass right now. I’ll kick all your asses.”
Big Mike stepped forward. “I’m sorry, I’ll move it. Just give me a sec.” Big Mike wanted to move the car before Clarence picked it up and launched it like a javelin. But he also feared entering the lair of this American Psycho.
Clarence, a self-proclaimed spiritual man, was foaming at the biceps. “I don’t think you numb nuts understand. You’ve disrespected my egress.”
“Again,” said Big Mike, “we’ll just move the car—”
Big Mike began his walk of shame, with a few brave Gentlemen following distantly behind, pretending to be there in case shit hit the fan with Clarence. As the Impala was gently reversed out of his sacred driveway, Clarence stood watching like a Greek statue of anger management issues.
The driveway standoff was over. The group breathed a sigh of relief. Clarence gave a devilish laugh, but not in a fun way. It was the laugh of a man who hadn’t read a book in nine years.
No one will ever park there again.
GAME OF THE WEEK
In the best game of the night, the duo of Kentucky Mike and Mike V pulled off an unforgettable comeback win against Joe and JG, securing a 21-16 victory after trailing 14-6 early in the match.
Joe and JG came out hot, commencing with Joe’s 10-2 round over Mike V. to start the game. They were ruthless in building a commanding 14-6 lead, with Joe netting all 14 of the team’s points and JG holding firm against Kentucky Mike, limiting him to just six points during that stretch. With a commanding 14-6 lead, it looked like the game was all but sealed. But just when the crowd started writing off the Mikes, something flipped.
Enter Kentucky Mike – calm under pressure, cooler than a Coors Light from Bushie’s fridge on a hot August night – who began painting the hole like a man possessed. He pieced together rounds of 7-3, 9-3 and 6-4 to claw back into the game. And Mike V? He punched back, gaining a net +2 points over Joe during his team’s comeback stretch.
As Joe and JG struggled to regain control, the Mikes dialed in, point by point, climbing back to even the score at 16-16. Mike V dropped an 8-4 round on Joe to claim a 20-16 lead. Then, Kentucky Mike sealed the deal with a final bag that kissed the edge of a JG blocker – and dropped in for a 6-4 round.
Final score: 21-16, comeback complete.
MUSHROOM STAMP MOMENT
Jump to Game 16 where Joe and Flowers built a commanding 10-3 lead over Kentucky Mike and JG. No sweat – Kentucky Mike jumped into the phone booth, threw on his cape and came to the rescue again. His team’s score climbed rapidly, like the value of GameStop stock. Consecutive rounds of 7-5, 10-3, 10-6, and finally 12-5 capped an 18-0 run, clinching the game, 21-10.
Kentucky Mike’s four-round stretch with a 9.75 ppr earns this week’s Mushroom Stamp Moment (“MSM”).
An honorable mention goes to Jake for scoring 19 of his team’s 21 points en route to dealing his dad a bun run in just three rounds (Melissa added the final two points for the nails in the coffin). As Jake wrapped an 8-1 round against his dad, Mike V and Flowers stood frozen and ashamed, trying to process what happened to them.
“Let’s see those cheeks!” Melissa howled.
“Rules are rules,” added Jake, taking a long drag from his “J”. “Lap time.”
Mike V and Flowers negotiated delaying their bun run until the Postseason Tournament, a plea that was accepted by the group…considering about 10 others share the same fate at the end of season tournament.
This week’s box score is below.
| Week 14 Power Rank | Name | Week 14 Wins | Week 14 Losses | Week 14 Win % | Week 14 Saves | Week 14 Chokes | Week 14 Comebacks | Week 14 KPM | Week 14 Gross Points Per Round | Week 14 Toss Accruacy | Week 14 Cornholes Per Round | Week 14 Cornholes | Week 14 Cornholes Per Game | Week 14 Gross Points | Week 14 Gross Points Per Game | Week 14 Net Points For | Week 14 Net Points Against | Week 14 Net Points For Per Game | Week 14 Net Points Against Per Game | Week 14 Net Point Differential | Week 14 Foot Snags |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Brent | 3 | 1 | 75% | 2 | - | - | 21.8 | 6.8 | 83% | 1.7 | 45 | 11.3 | 176 | 44.0 | 69 | 48 | 17.3 | 12.0 | 5.3 | 0 |
| 2 | Paul G. | 3 | 2 | 60% | 3 | - | - | 21.7 | 6.8 | 89% | 1.6 | 54 | 10.8 | 225 | 45.0 | 89 | 68 | 17.8 | 13.6 | 4.2 | 0 |
| 3 | Joe S. | 3 | 3 | 50% | 2 | - | - | 21.3 | 6.6 | 79% | 1.7 | 55 | 9.2 | 211 | 35.2 | 99 | 87 | 16.5 | 14.5 | 2.0 | 0 |
| 4 | Kentucky Mike | 3 | 1 | 75% | 2 | - | - | 21.2 | 6.6 | 84% | 1.6 | 36 | 9.0 | 146 | 36.5 | 65 | 64 | 16.3 | 16.0 | 0.3 | 0 |
| 5 | KP | 4 | 2 | 67% | 3 | - | - | 19.6 | 6.1 | 76% | 1.5 | 46 | 7.7 | 183 | 30.5 | 91 | 75 | 15.2 | 12.5 | 2.7 | 0 |
| 6 | Austin | 4 | 2 | 67% | 3 | - | - | 18.4 | 5.8 | 80% | 1.3 | 42 | 7.0 | 186 | 31.0 | 97 | 66 | 16.2 | 11.0 | 5.2 | 0 |
| 7 | Mike R. | 1 | 3 | 25% | 1 | - | - | 18.2 | 5.8 | 77% | 1.3 | 32 | 8.0 | 138 | 34.5 | 52 | 65 | 13.0 | 16.3 | (3.3) | 0 |
| 8 | Turley | 4 | 1 | 80% | 3 | - | - | 16.9 | 5.5 | 86% | 1.0 | 31 | 6.2 | 165 | 33.0 | 91 | 62 | 18.2 | 12.4 | 5.8 | 0 |
| 9 | Erik | 0 | 4 | 0% | - | - | - | 15.7 | 5.1 | 77% | 1.0 | 25 | 6.3 | 127 | 31.8 | 50 | 84 | 12.5 | 21.0 | (8.5) | 0 |
| 10 | JG | 4 | 2 | 67% | 4 | - | - | 15.3 | 4.9 | 71% | 1.0 | 31 | 5.2 | 147 | 24.5 | 106 | 79 | 17.7 | 13.2 | 4.5 | 0 |
| 11 | Flowers | 4 | 2 | 67% | 4 | - | - | 15.0 | 4.8 | 72% | 1.0 | 28 | 4.7 | 140 | 23.3 | 94 | 75 | 15.7 | 12.5 | 3.2 | 0 |
| 12 | Bushie | 2 | 3 | 40% | 1 | - | - | 14.7 | 4.5 | 53% | 1.2 | 34 | 6.8 | 127 | 25.4 | 68 | 85 | 13.6 | 17.0 | (3.4) | 0 |
| 13 | Craig F. | 0 | 5 | 0% | - | - | - | 14.6 | 4.6 | 64% | 1.0 | 30 | 6.0 | 134 | 26.8 | 31 | 105 | 6.2 | 21.0 | (14.8) | 0 |
| 14 | Mike V. | 2 | 3 | 40% | 1 | - | - | 14.6 | 4.7 | 72% | 0.9 | 23 | 4.6 | 118 | 23.6 | 56 | 85 | 11.2 | 17.0 | (5.8) | 0 |
| 15 | Melissa | 1 | 4 | 20% | 1 | - | - | 14.0 | 4.4 | 61% | 1.0 | 27 | 5.4 | 120 | 24.0 | 54 | 84 | 10.8 | 16.8 | (6.0) | 0 |
| 16 | JV | 0 | 3 | 0% | - | - | - | 13.3 | 4.3 | 66% | 0.8 | 14 | 4.7 | 73 | 24.3 | 31 | 63 | 10.3 | 21.0 | (10.7) | 0 |