CLAWSON, MICHIGAN – If week 1 is a precursor for what the 2021 LEG season has in store, we all need to buckle up and prepare for a wild ride. This week included 10 guys, all of whom were well over 10.0 KPM, a 14-point choke/comeback, and a Power Team receiving a bun run.

In 2017 the KPM was defined as part of an effort to enhance tracking of statistics. The group finished that season with only three out of 17 players above a 10.0 KPM (Nick – 12.4, JG – 10.5, and KP – 10.1).

The number of players above a 10.0 KPM increased to nine in the 2018 season (out of 23 players), but the season-high maxed out at 12.0 (credit to Galz posting that through 64 games, as Tony’s 12.5 KPM on only four games does not compare).

We’ve seen the league steadily improve from top to bottom, but this week was a huge jump for every player. As mentioned earlier, all 10 players easily cleared the 10.0 KPM mark, including six players posting 15.0 KPM or higher. Nick set the pace with a 17.6 on the evening, and Jack’s 10.7 was last of all players, though still excellent.

What’s scary about this record-setting week is the conditions weren’t great for scoring. The temperature was slightly cool and JV’s boards were playing an octane higher on the slick meter. Only four guys cleared 60% accuracy, with the sharpest shooter scoring 68% (Nick). In other words, more record-setting weeks may be on the horizon in 2021.

POWER COUPLE?

During tournaments we’ve always enforced a “draft protection” to prevent some of the top players from partnering to create a super team and distorting the competitive balance of the tournament. This week Nick and Dibble provided evidence that it might be time to reconsider the “draft protection” rule.

In Game 10 Nick and Dibble teamed to battle Turley and Galz. While Nick and Dibble are generally regarded as the top two players in the league, it would be a bit disingenuous to call it a slam dunk they’d dominate Turley and Galz. Sure, they’re likely the favorite in this match, but anyone can beat anyone on a Thursday night.

This, however, wasn’t as simple as “anyone beating anyone”. The match started rather pedestrian with Turley snagging one point against Nick in the top of the first inning, followed by Galz adding two more points in the bottom of the first.

Turley set the tone in the top of the second, sinking three cornholes on his way to a 10-point round and five points to make the score 8 – 0. Galz piled on with five more points in the bottom of the second inning by outscoring Dibble, 7 – 2. Suddenly, things were sideways with a 13 – 0 advantage to the underdogs.

Surely the big hitters would start connecting.

As the third inning got underway, The Weather Girls’ “It’s Raining Men” blasted in the background. Ironic because this was Turley’s requested song for the 2021 Preseason Kick-Off Tournament playlist.

Turley’s first bag of the third inning found the bottom of the hole, adding the pressure of five wet men to Nick’s shoulders. Nick’s first attempt to answer was unsuccessful, missing the board entirely on his first bag.

Turley’s sweet sweeping lefty toss scored three more points on his second bag, followed by one point from Nick. Turley upped his inning total to nine points with his third straight cornhole. Nick attempted to push two bags into the hole with his third shot, but both bags stopped just shy of the hole.

Turley’s fourth bag was an opportunity to complete a 12-point round and drive a spike in his opponent’s coffin. He lofted an airmail attempt to avoid Nick’s two blockers, but missed long. With two blockers at the front of the hole, Nick could throw low and hard to push three bags in for a 9 – 9 wash. He fired an aggressive shot, but was wide of his target, missing off the board long. A 9 – 2 advantage for Turley in the third inning made in 20 – 0 overall.

It was still raining men as Galz stepped to the plate. Even though the scorer’s table had just announced 20 – 0 for ALL to hear, Galz paused before his first toss and walked to the scorer’s table to inspect the computer with his own eyes. He confirmed the score and took a drag from his cigar as he strolled back to the board – “Alright Dibble, you’re getting a bun run right here!” Galz took his nuts and pushed them to the middle of the table, calling his shot right to Dibble’s face.

Galz walked the walk, sinking his first two bags and scoring one point on his third bag. During the same period, Dibble also scored all three of his bags – but, only one cornhole left him with a 7 – 5 deficit going into the final bag.

A cornhole from Galz would end it, solidifying the bun run. His final toss failed to find the board, leaving the door open for Dibble. A cornhole would give Dibble an 8 – 7 win in the bottom of the inning; anything less would clinch Dibble’s second bun run of his career and Winkler’s first during regular season play (he’s been bun run during a tournament).

Dibble’s arm swung back, and Nick started unzipping his shorts. The bag came out wobbly, Nick unbuttoned his shorts. Dibble leaned, as if to will the bag back on target. No such luck…the bag smacked the right side of the board and continued sliding off the back.

7 – 5 advantage to Galz, 21 – 0 bun run complete for Turley and Galz!

Nick dropped his drawers, put his shoes back on and fluffed himself while he waited for Dibble to undress. Note – “undress” is a generous description as both guys were wearing boxers that were longer than most people’s shorts and they kept their shirts on. Stricter enforcement of bun runs is coming in the future.

As they finished the bun run, Dibble dropped his drawers and gave the whole crowd a shot of his ass. His pasty white dumper looked like a vat of large curd cottage cheese. His ass was so lumpy it looked like he was smuggling chicken McNuggets in his ass cheek skin.

Of course we have footage. Thanks to both Coach Mike and Galz, we can relive this bun run over and over.

GAME OF THE NIGHT

This week’s Game of the Night was difficult to choose because there were multiple thrilling games. Game 11 gets the nod, which pitted arch nemeses Paul and JV against Coach Mike and Bushie. On the heels of the bun run (remember, that was Game 10), Coach Mike and Bushie damn near put Paul and JV on notice to get naked. After five innings Coach and Bushie had a commanding, 16 – 2 lead.

Paul stopped the hemorrhaging in the top of the sixth, scoring five points to cut the deficit to 16 – 7. JV doubled-down by outscoring Bushie, 8 – 5, to make it 16 – 10 overall. Paul continued his hot streak in the seventh inning with two cornholes and a 7 – 0 win over Coach, which gave he and JV a 17 – 16 lead.

A 16 – 2 lead evaporated in the blink of an eye, and Bushie’s shoulders slumped in disappointment. JV sensed the shaky ground Bushie was on, and arguably the best closer in the league relished this moment against Bushie. JV drained his first three bags, while Bushie managed just four points. JV’s final bag for a 12-point round missed, but Bushie was still forced to make cornhole to extend the game. He didn’t, and Paul and JV completed a 19 – 0 run to comeback from a 16 – 2 deficit to win the game.

Paul and JV’s incredible two-round comeback was glorious, while Coach and Bushie had trouble stomaching their choke. At least it wasn’t raining men anymore.

PLAYER SPOTLIGHT

Nick may have topped the KPM charts this week at 17.6, but Turley may have been the most impressive player of the night. He finished second in KPM (16.1) while averaging 5.0 gross points per round and 1.35 cornholes per round, and sprinkled a fancy 4-0 record on top of it all. Turley-led teams were also 3-0 against Dibble, 1-0 against Nick, and 1-0 against Galz, and he outscored all of those players head-to-head in every match-up. What the rest of the league should find worrisome is that Turley *only* hit 57% of his shots.

JV went 4-1 and posted a 15.6 KPM (fourth highest) despite all the distractions of being a gracious host. His only blemish was a 21 – 17 loss in Game 4 when he partnered with KP. JV did his job outscoring Jack head-to-head, and scored 11 of his team’s 17 points. However, KP got jail sexed by Nick, preventing JV from a perfect record.

MUSHROOM STAMP MOMENT

Many Mushroom Stamp Moments (“MSM”) come during hotly contested matches and are often a swing in momentum or a game-clinching toss. This week’s MSM is neither.

In Game 2 Nick and JV beat Jack and Paul in a blowout, 21 – 6. With the score 12 – 5 after four innings, Nick dropped the hammer on Jack with cornholes on his first two bags, a hole blocker on his third bag, and a push shot to score two cornholes on his fourth bag. The only thing worse for Jack than Nick’s 12-point round was Nick’s aw-shucks attitude after the four-bagger. Four-baggers are so commonplace in Nick’s world that he rarely reacts, often just shrugging his shoulders like Michael Jordan hitting six three-pointers against the Portland Trailblazers in the NBA Finals. Coach Mike named this aw-shucks moment after it happened, “Jack you just got ‘Winklered’!” referring to a nonchalant 12-point round.

NEWS AND NOTES

• Despite being the recipient of the MSM, Jack played some of the best cornhole of his career posting a 10.7 KPM and shooting 55%. His 0.63 cornholes per round can improve, and when it does his KPM will make a huge leap. He finished with a 2 – 1 record, the only loss coming to Nick’s squad in the MSM game
• Coach Mike seemed to find his rhythm and confidence, posting an 11.3 KPM and scoring 0.88 cornholes per round. He had a nice mix of the back-handed taint tickler and the flat bag toss, playing each strategically based on what was required in the moment. It’s great to see Coach confident, playing loose and grooving with the music
• Galz was quietly 3 – 3 overall, but still posted a 15.4 on 61% shooting and 1.19 cornholes per round. He also had the biggest balls of the night, telling Dibble to his face that he was going to finish the bun run, then went out and did it
• Bushie and Paul posted excellent KPMs – 14.7 and 11.3, respectively – yet somehow couldn’t turn their exceptional play into victories, each of them struggling to 1 – 4 and 1 – 3 records, respectively
• Dibble had similar struggles as Bushie and Paul. Great KPM (16.0), accuracy (66%), and cornholes per round (1.19), but it felt empty considering his 1 – 4 record and bun run. Chalk it up to being just one of those nights. The numbers are there, and expect the wins to follow as Dibble continues posting outstanding statistics