BEVERLY HILLS, MICHIGAN – Does the best team always win the championship in sports? It depends. In single-elimination formats like the NCAA Basketball Tournament or NFL Playoffs, it can be argued that some champions are not necessarily the best team. However, in multi-game series like NHL, MLB or NBA playoffs the best team is often crowned the champion because it’s more difficult to pull an “upset” throughout the course of a series.
So does that mean the triple-elimination LEG tournaments always crown the best team? Every tournament until now has seemed end with the best team standing at the end. But the 2020 Postseason Tournament might be the first time in history where the best team didn’t win. In fact, the best team wasn’t even close to taking home the title.
Below are the teams and I’ll let you guess who I’m referring to. By the way, if you’re as confused about what the hell “An Alf Is Sure” means, you aren’t alone. Say it fast. If you still don’t get it (I didn’t), here you go – “Anal Fissure”.
| Team Name | Captain | Drafted Partner |
| “Bags of Glory” | Meyer | KP |
| “We Just Came in Our Pants” | Barker | Nick |
| “B1G Men” | Dan | Galz |
| “An Alf Is Sure” | Steve-O | JV |
| “Big Dick Eldricks” | Jack | Justin |
| “Pull & Tug Brothers” | Paul | Bushie |
| “Rikki-Tikki-Tavi Beyotch” | Bob | Turley |
“Rikki-Tikki-Tavi Beyotch”
Bob and Turley win the award for most creative costume, and for most time and effort put into their costume. The portrayal of Rick and Morty was spot on, down to the details of Turley making his bald head look like Morty’s brown hair.
Unfortunately for “Rikki-Tikki-Tavi Beyotch,” their costumes were the best part of their day. They won their first round robin match of the day against “Pull & Tug Brothers,” 21 – 20, thanks to a walk-off 4-bagger from Bob! But they lost their next three round robin matches and continued to tumble in bracket play by losing three more straight games to fall into the Toilet Bowl.
In the Toilet Bowl, “Rikki-Tikki” lost their semifinal match, finishing their day with a 1 – 7 record and seven straight losses. A brutally underwhelming performance after a promising start to the day.
“Anal Fissure”
Steve-O is fresh off a 2020 Preseason Kick-Off title as Nick’s partner, and make no mistake about it, he was a major reason for their championship run. When he fell to the #5 pick and was still able to snag two-time champion JV as his partner, most assumed this would be a team to show up deep into the tournament.
Whatever magic these two drummed up in prior championship runs, they couldn’t replicate it as partners in this tournament. On the surface, their round robin was respectable with a 2 – 2 record. But a deeper dive into the box scores of their losses signaled danger ahead. They couldn’t keep pace with “B1G Men” or “We Just Came in Our Pants,” losing 21 – 3 and 21 – 7. Both of those teams appeared to be contenders and “Anal Fissure” got smoked.
In bracket play, they battled with “Pull & Tug Brothers” before losing a nail-biter, 21 – 17. Their reward was a loser’s bracket match with “We Just Came in Our Pants,” who handled them again with ease, 21 – 6.
On the brink of elimination in the double loser’s bracket, JV and Steve-O kept hopes alive with a 21 – 9 victory over “Rikki-Tikki”. That victory was the first of five total needed to get back to the championship match. “Bag of Glory” ended all hope for “Anal Fissure” in the next double loser’s bracket match, escaping with a 21 – 12 win that was much closer than the scoreboard would indicate.
The loss to “Bags of Glory” meant a trip to the Toilet Bowl for “Anal Fissure” – unfortunately all they found there was bloody stool from their own hemorrhaging fissures. Sure they advanced to the Toilet Bowl Championship by beating “Rikki-Tikki” again. However, it was a narrow escape this time, 21 – 19, after they had previously beaten them 21 – 7 in round robin and 21 – 9 in the tournament.
“Big Dick Eldricks” pounded the fissures like a Perkins waitress in the Toilet Bowl title match, 21 – 14.
“Bags of Glory”
Meyer earned the #1 pick in the Draft Lottery and selected KP because he bought the pre-draft hype around KP’s lofty #2 Power Rank and Singles Tournament championship earlier in the season, beating #1 ranked Nick twice in a row to claim that title.
Meyer clearly didn’t notice the “Buyer Beware” sticker attached to KP, warning potential drafters that he wasn’t ready to handle the target on his back from winning the Singles Tournament.
Any time someone is drafting #1 overall, one expects to receive a difference-maker. Meyer was fully relying on having a horse to carry him during battles with other premier players. He didn’t get that on this day because KP couldn’t hold his own against the likes of Nick, Galz, Barker, Justin, Dan, etc.
During the post-tournament press conference, KP was grilled by LEG media for his lackluster performance. “I couldn’t get comfortable with these flames dangling from the arms of my ice skating leotard. The flames kept brushing against my hand and the bag during my backswing and follow through, and it became a mental hurdle for me. One I clearly couldn’t overcome,” he said.
Ah, there it is! Refusing to take blame himself or to credit his opponents! Hey dipshit, that’s a faux ice skating leotard on a faux Chazz Michael Michaels, and you’re a faux cornhole player. Excuses are like assholes, and you are one.
For most of the day Meyer did his job, which was to hang with his opponent. KP didn’t come close to delivering his job, which was to be the best player in the league, a difference-maker that could conquer the best player on the other team.
Hence, it was no surprise when “Bags of Glory” had a mediocre 2 – 2 round robin session, followed by two straight blowout losses to start the tournament. They did salvage a few victories in the double loser’s bracket, before being eliminated and sent to the Toilet Bowl, where they were crushed by “Big Dick Eldricks” in the semifinals.
“Big Dick Eldricks” (“BDE”)
Coming into the tournament, Jack and Justin looked like a solid, middle of the pack squad. Justin hadn’t played at all this season and Jack had only played 13 total games during the regular season (though he did play in the Preseason Kick-Off and Midseason Singles Tournaments). It was hard to imagine two players with so few reps making much noise in a tournament.
However, they defied the odds and proved the old saying “stats are for losers” to be correct. Their round robin segment was just “okay,” finishing 2-2 with two blowout wins, but also two blowout losses. After starting 0-2 with losses to “Anal Fissure” (21 – 11) and “Bags of Glory” (21 – 6), they rebounded to beat “Rikki-Tikki-Tavi Beyotch” (21 – 1) and “Pull & Tug Brothers” (21-11).
“BDE” was the #7 seed and in the first round of the tournament they drew #2 seed “We Just Came in Our Pants,” who was arguably the pre-tournament favorite. Justin faced Nick head-to-head, while Jack battled Barker at the other end of the boards. “Big Dick Eldricks” dominated Nick and Barker worse than a mandingo in a BlacksOnBlondes.com video. The underdogs raced out to a surprising 13 – 2 early lead and finished the upset with a 21 – 7 victory.
Sending the favorites to the loser’s bracket made every other team take notice, but “BDE” then had to refocus for their next match where they faced “Pull & Tug Brothers”. Maybe it was a natural letdown, or maybe “Pull & Tug Brothers” were playing at a high level – either way, “BDE” squandered a golden opportunity to advance in the winner’s bracket by losing a thrilling match, 21 – 20, to “Pull & Tug Brothers”.
“BDE” picked up a loser’s bracket victory over Rikki-Tikki, earning them another match against “We Just Came in Our Pants”. Was their first round upset a fluke? We were about to find out.
Jack and Justin once again jumped out to a huge lead, 17 – 8. The audience watched in awe, shocked by how easily Jack and Justin were handling a powerhouse team for the second straight game.
This time, however, “We Just Came in Our Pants” showed the championship mettle most expected. Rather than accepting the pounding, they battled back to make this a close match. “BDE” was up 19 – 18 and Justin had a chance to close the match late. He and Nick each had one bag remaining and were tied in the round with four points apiece. A cornhole from Justin would mean anything except a cornhole from Nick on his final bag would clinch the game.
Justin tossed his final bag, it was in the heart of the board but landed just on the front and fell backward to the ground! Inches separated Justin’s bag from being perfect and being a dud.
With the pressure off, Nick delivered the perfect bag and drained a cornhole to win the round 7 – 4, and the game, 21 – 19. “BDE” had their foot on the neck of a giant and stepped off. Credit “We Just Came in Our Pants” for a courageous comeback, but the sting of the loss was crippling to “BDE”.
The immediately lost their elimination match against “Bags of Glory,” 21 – 18 and dropped to the Toilet Bowl.
After a break in action, several beers and positive reflection on how well they played despite being eliminated, “BDE” rebounded and coasted to a Toilet Bowl Championship. They certainly would have preferred a Postseason Tournament title, but they enjoyed the hell out of the Toilet Bowl Championship and celebrated hard.
This is the team referenced in the opening of the recap. They looked every bit like the best team in the field, and had they finished the job in the second match against “We Just Came in Our Pants” they would have had a great chance to advance to the championship match.
Nonetheless, Jack and Justin had a great run and proved they were not a fluke.
“B1G Men”
Galz is always a dangerous player in tournaments, with one title under his belt, two runner-up finishes in Singles Tournaments, and several other deep runs. However, the last time we saw Dan he looked like a guy who doesn’t play often, but had a high ceiling of potential – he was inconsistent with accuracy, but threw a beautiful flat bag. With enough reps, he’d evolve into a very good player. Thing is, Dan lives near Howell so making it to Thursday night regular season matches is near impossible. So, where would he get the practice reps?
Evidently those practice reps come from his cottage, where he spends every weekend in the summer. Suddenly Dan was a consistent beast! He didn’t resemble the “old” Dan we were accustomed to seeing in past tournaments.
The new and improved Dan combined with Galz created a very competitive team. They went 3 – 1 in round robin play with blowout wins over “Bags of Glory” (21 – 2), “Anal Fissure” (21 – 3), and Rikki-Tikki (21 – 3). Their lone loss was to “We Just Came in Our Pants” and it was a nip-and-tuck match the entire way, with Barker coming through in the clutch to give his team a 21 – 19 win.
“B1G Men” marched all the way to the tournament semifinals before losing 21 – 14 to “Pull & Tug Brothers”. One might view the loss as an upset, but it was the second time “Pull & Tug Brothers” handed them a loss and both weren’t very close games – the other was a 21 – 11 victory for “Pull & Tug Brothers”.
Add another deep run to Galz’s resume. But, this one felt disappointing because they were on the cusp of landing in the title match. Dan was devastated by coming up short. He has yet to get a taste of a championship match, and this run was the deepest of his career. Don’t worry, Dan, you’ll have many more opportunities based on the way you’re playing.
CHAMPIONSHIP OR BUST
Only two teams remained – “Pull & Tug Brothers” and “We Just Came in Our Pants”. One team was the pre-tournament favorite, while the other featured a dysfunctional pairing of players who often get under one another’s skin. It’s the equivalent of pairing Brooks Koepka and Bryson DeChambeau as teammates. Paul and Bushie are so not on the same page that they were the *ONLY* team who did not coordinate their costumes. Paul hilariously pulled off Ace Ventura, while Bushie came dressed as a yeast infection. Wait, no it was a bread box. Shit, that’s not right either…it was a bread baker named Bushbaker. 
Anyway, how this team wound up in the championship match is beyond me. They had no team chemistry, often arguing early in the tournament about how much they were going to drink, were they allowed to smoke, etc. They were 0 – 4 in round robin and looked like the worst team in the tournament.
Their fortunes turned with a 21 – 17 first round victory over “Anal Fissure,” followed by a 21 – 20 win over “Big Dick Eldricks” and a 21 – 11 win over “B1G Men”. Who was this team, and what did they do with Paul and Bushie?
Two straight losses to “We Just Came in Our Pants” put them on the brink of elimination, but the found a way to beat “B1G Men” in the semifinals and advanced to the championship.
On the other hand, “We Just Came in Our Pants” went untested besides their two games with “Big Dick Eldricks”. They rolled to a 4 – 0 round robin record and dominated every other opponent in their trek through the loser’s bracket:
- 21 – 6 over “Anal Fissure”
- 21 – 6 over “Bags of Glory”
- 21 – 19 escape over “BDE”
- 21 – 12 over “B1G Men”
- 21 – 9 over “Pull & Tug Brothers”
- 21 – 16 over “Pull & Tug Brothers” to earn their spot in the championship
This team was so stacked that anything less than a championship would be a monumental disappointment, particularly considering they had just beating their title match opponent twice in a row, and they only had one loss compared to “Pull & Tug Brothers” having two losses – in other words, “Pull & Tug Brothers” had to win two straight against “We Just Came in Our Pants,” while “We Just Came in Our Pants” only needed one victory to claim the title.
The spectators were heavily in “Pull & Tug Brothers’” corner, cheering everything good for Paul and Bushie and everything bad for Nick and Winkler.
Even a hostile environment was not enough to shake “We Just Came in Our Pants”. They easily beat “Pull & Tug Brothers” in the first game, 21 – 12, ending any hopes of an upset.
Nick and Barker earned another LEG championship, the fourth of Nick’s career, and second of the 2020 season, and third of Barker’s career.
Adding salt to KP’s wounds, Nick and Barker were so impressive in their championship run that KP’s wife became a “We Just Came in Our Pants” groupie. Ouch.
ALL-TOURNAMENT TEAM
The 2020 Postseason All-Tournament Team consisted of the top four players based on votes cast among all players. Paul was voted to his first all-tournament team after carrying, while Barker and Nick both earned all-tournament honors for the third time in their careers. Bushie took home his first tournament MVP honor after leading “Pull & Tug Brothers” to a championship appearance. It was the second time in his career he’s earned all-tournament honors.
