BEVERLY HILLS, MICHIGAN – Seven points. SEVEN POINTS!!!

Entering this week, KP was ranked #2 in the LEG Power Rankings with a 14.9 KPM. But that ranking and shiny KPM ring hallow after witnessing Game 5 this week.

KP partnered with JV in a 21-10 loss to Turley and Erik, in which KP managed to score a dreadful SEVEN POINTS in this five inning match. He didn’t make a single cornhole, pathetically shot 35%, and averaged 1.4 gross points per round.

Think about that for a moment – 1.4 gross points per round. By comparison, the lowest player in the Power Rankings is Jimmy, a rookie, and he’s averaging 2.3 gross points per round this season. No disrespect to Jimmy; rather, it’s a simple point that KP was almost a full point less than that.

Diving deeper, in the history of LEG we’ve never had a player average that few gross points per round.

• 2017 – Joe Viviano averaged 1.5
• 2018 – Joe Viviano averaged 2.0
• 2019 – Joe Viviano averaged 2.0

Note: We didn’t have detailed statistics in the 2016 season.

Also, only one player has scored fewer than seven points in a game during the 2020 season and that was in week 2 (Game 6) when Coach Mike scored six points in a three round game. But, at least he averaged 2.0 gross points per round.

In other words, KP was historically bad in Game 5. Trash. Embarrassing. Awful.

Turley bent him over, shoved a dry thumb up his @ss, and went to pound town. Turley outscored him 26-7, and was directly responsible for leading his team to victory.

Things didn’t end there for KP. He didn’t have another individual game that was as bad as Game 5, but he won only two games tonight (finished 2-5 overall) and was part of an “unofficial” choke in Game 7 – he and Barker jumped out to a 13-3 lead over Nick and Turley, then gave up an 18-0 run to lose the game 21-13. The stat sheet won’t officially show a “choke” or “comeback” in this game because the algorithm can only recognize a 10-point lead at the end of an inning when calculating “choke” or “comeback.” This 13-3 lead was after the top of the third inning and therefore doesn’t officially count. Yet, it does. You cannot give up an 18-0 run, especially when you have a 10-point lead.

The 18-0 run only spanned two innings, and during that stretch KP was outscored by Nick in rounds of 7-0 and 10-4. In other words, KP allowed 13 of the 18 points, proving *he* choked (not his team).

KP finished with a 14.3 KPM this week, but shot a horrific 57% (he’s typically near 70%), and deservedly fell from #2 to #4 in the Power Rankings.

The 3-9 record he has posted the last two weeks is another indictment on how pitiful he’s been. He’s been more useless than a limp dick in a gangbang.

RUNNING SHIT AS IF HE’S THE MAYOR

The antithesis of KP is Nick. The most decorated player in LEG history is on a tear this season, and week 8 was no different. He posted an all-time single week KPM with 19.1 this week. You read that right – 19.1!

He was untouchable, posting a +9.5 scoring differential on his way to a 4-0 record. His 71% accuracy was unbelievable considering nobody else was above 58%, and he knocked in a ridiculous 1.54 cornholes per round.

He closed games better than Mariano Rivera, delivering knockout blows in Game 8 (9-0 to close over JV) and Game 9 (7-2 to close over KP). Don’t forget his 13 points that were instrumental in leading his team on an 18-0 run during their Game 7 comeback win. Nick jumped from #4 to #2 in the Power Rankings after this week’s dominating performance.

GAME OF THE NIGHT

Game 6 pitted Nick and JV against Barker and Erik. Some may look at that matchup and think it’s a mismatch, but those people need to remember that Erik is establishing himself as a heavyweight in this league.

Nick delivered a monster first inning, beating Barker 8-2 to give his squad an early 6-0 lead. But after that early outburst, the rest of the match had the feel of a heavyweight title match.

Erik scored his team’s first six points to keep them within striking distance, down just 7-6. The third inning belonged to Erik and Barker, combining for five points and taking an 11-7 lead.

Barker upped the lead to 14-7 after outscoring Nick, 7-4, in the top of the fourth inning. But then the playlist flipped to death metal, JV threw in a fat dip, and the pep came back to JV’s step. In the bottom of the fourth he drained two cornholes, besting Erik, 7-1, and drawing his team within 14-13.

In the fifth he added two more points and Nick chipped in with one point as they took a 16-14 lead. Barker sensed things were spiraling out of control, so he delivered a much-needed 10-point round for his team in the sixth inning. He outscored Nick, 10-6, and his team nabbed the lead back, 18-16.

Death metal blasting? JV surging? Erik DGAF. In the bottom of the sixth he mastered the chess match with JV, smartly piling up blockers in front of the hole and in JV’s preferred throwing lanes. He upped his team’s lead to 20-16 in the process, handing the bags back to Barker for a close-out.

In the seventh, Barker and Nick exchanged cornholes on their first two throws. Barker dropped his third toss on the board for a 7-6 lead, then Nick missed the board with his third bag!

Barker had given his team a 21-16 lead with each player having one toss remaining. A cornhole would clinch the game, one bag on the board would require Nick to sink a cornhole with his last bag to extend the game.

Barker launched his final bag, and immediately looked away in disgust. He had pulled it left, and it didn’t have a chance from the moment it left his hand. Nick threw his fourth bag aggressively, trying to make a cornhole. He missed the cornhole, but his bag settled on the board for one point and a 7-7 draw for the inning.

A big missed opportunity for Barker, but he had confidence in his partner to close it out. Erik threw first and missed short of the board – a sign that he was feeling pressure.

JV applied an anvil when his first toss went in for three!

Erik needed to answer, but couldn’t. Again, he missed the board with his second shot, this time wide right. JV’s second bag drew from right to left and skipped up just short of the hole. He turned away, amazed the bag didn’t have momentum to carry into the hole. It was still good enough to give him a 4-0 lead midway through his side of the inning.

Battling tons of pressure, Erik delivered a bag on the board with his third shot and breathed a sigh of relief afterward.

JV has a flare for the dramatic, and to nobody’s surprise he went for a push shot with his third bag. He overthrew it, though, and missed the board entirely.

Motorhead screamed through the speakers, forcing Erik to throw his final bag like a QB trying to convert a key third down pass on the road in a hostile environment. He couldn’t convert, missing the board for the third time this inning, and Motorhead roared louder, like a crowd forcing a punt.

And then, JV took the punt return TO THE HOUSE! As he prepared to throw his final bag, he winked at KP, confirming the strategy KP anticipated – he was again going for the push, which would give his team the win.

He reminded himself not to overthrow the shot, and then he fired the bag at a lower trajectory than normal. It landed directly on the back of his bag sitting just shy of the hole, and this time it had all the momentum necessary to push the bag in for a cornhole and his final bag continued into the black abyss as well. Two cornholes on his final bag to post a 9-1 win in the inning, giving his team a thrilling 21-20 victory!

Erik had controlled the head-to-head with JV prior to that round, leading it 19-17 and held a 4-3 advantage in cornholes. But he succumbed to the heaviness of the moment, and JV capitalized like a shark with chum in the water. Because he’s a killer and delivered a 9-piece to win the game in electrifying fashion, JV gets this week’s Mushroom Stamp Moment!

“THE DRIBBLER”

Barker has started experimenting with his toss mechanics, adding more versatility to his game by changing launch angles in an effort to make more cornholes. He already has the high, feathery rainbow in his arsenal, which is great for accuracy and placing blockers on the board. But he believes his cornhole rate is unsatisfactory using that style toss. He’s mastered it, so now is the perfect time to add layers to his game.

The experiment worked this week, helping him to a 12.4 KPM. More importantly, he scored 0.84 cornholes per round this week, which is higher than his season average of 0.54 coming into this week.

As Bill Cosby would say, the proof is in the puddin’. Barker put the “O” in cornhole all night, including when he outscored Nick during their head-to-head match-up in the Game of the Night (40-38, including dropping 10 cornholes in seven innings).

In the fifth inning of Game 8 he was head-to-head with Erik, and was down 6-2 in the inning with one bag remaining. Erik had piled the board with three bags blocking the hole, causing Barker to consult his partner before throwing his final bag, “Is a cornhole available?” JV confirmed cornhole was available, though JV has never seen a hole he couldn’t hit.

Barker threw a low line-drive that hit the board early, dribbled over Erik’s blockers and into the hole. It was a hell of a shot, one that he is now capable of executing.

Barker, normally very humble, was so impressed by his shot-making skills that he turned to KP and nicknamed himself, “You can call me ‘The Dribbler’ after that shit!”

It’s a perfect moniker. “The Dribbler” started the night 3-0, then lost his last five games to finish 3-5. However, two of his five losses came as partners with KP and another loss was the 21-20 heartbreaker in the Game of the Night. He played exceptionally well despite the record, and is on pace to reinvent his game so that he can compete for championships again.

DROP ‘EM, BOYS

For the first time since week 2, we had a bun run! In Game 2 KP and Barker partnered to face JV and Turley.

Barker and KP sprinted to an 18-0 lead after the top of the fourth inning. In the bottom of the fourth, Barker and Turley were tied, 4-4, and Turley had one final bag. Anything on the board would break the bun run, and he knew it.

His toss was a hard cut, moving right to left. It needed to hang on, but as it hit the board it spun harder left and fell off the board. “Are you fucking kidding me!” Turley yelled as he ripped his hat off and fired it into the bushes.

Barker laughed. KP laughed. JV winced and began pulling at his groin, fluffing himself.

KP delivered the knockout blow (shockingly) in the top of the fifth inning, sinking two cornholes and outscoring JV, 7-3, to complete the 21-0 victory.

This was JV’s second bun run of the season and third of his career. Meanwhile, it was Turley’s first bun run of the season, while he also has three for his career.

NEWS AND NOTES

• Despite the bun run, Turley played great this week. He finished 5-2 overall with a 12.9 KPM on 54% shooting. He added a 10-point round, and started paying rent in KP’s @ss because he spent so much time there – he outscored KP in both head-to-head match-ups this week, 41-32 and 26-7. He also had great games outscoring Barker (26-18 in Game 7) and Erik (25-18 in Game 3).
• JV finished 4-4 overall with a 13.1 KPM, and added two foot snags to his resume. Most impressive was his 0.95 cornholes per round. Similar to Barker, JV typically has a higher trajectory on his toss, which sometimes makes it difficult to hit cornholes. JV is also tweaking his throw, attempting to become more versatile. Scoring 0.95 cornholes per round and posting a 13.1 KPM while tinkering with your mechanics is impressive.
• Erik climbed into the top 10 of the Power Rankings this week thanks to his 11.0 KPM. He shot 50% and knocked in 0.75 cornholes per round while going 2-3 overall. Had the Game of the Night swung his way, he’d have found himself on the right side of .500 and feeling even better about his night. Nonetheless, he did a lot of great things, including foot snagging two bags tonight.