BEVERLY HILLS, MICHIGAN – Holy Bun Run Batman! We had dick out in Game 1 this week, nearly had it again in Game 2, and Game 3 produced more swingin’ sausage.

KP and Coach Mike started this week against JV and Dibble, and the latter duo only needed three and a half rounds to complete a 21-0 embarrassment. Not taking anything away from JV and Dibble, but KP and Coach were BAD. Coach’s KPM for the game was 5.4, while KP was a horrific 7.2 – a perfect recipe for tubesteak smothered in underwear.

Coach Mike’s pride was hurt, and he demanded we “run it back.” KP is the ultimate competitor, so he quickly agreed. Meanwhile, JV and Dibble snickered to themselves and happily obliged.

This time, JV and Dibble ran out to a 20-0 lead in just four rounds. Once again, they were very good, but Coach and KP were abysmal, with neither player scoring more than three points in any of the first four rounds.

In the fifth round, KP finally found some accuracy when he knocked three on the board and drained a cornhole for six points. JV only managed five points, and lost the opportunity for a second consecutive bun run. Dibble closed the game in the bottom of the fifth round, with a 7-6 advantage, for a 21-1 victory.

The foursome switched partners after two blowout games, with two-time LEG champion, JV, feeling confident that he and Coach Mike could find a different fate in Game 3. Turns out that partnership wasn’t any better. Coach Mike was bun run for the second time in three games, losing 21-0 in just four and a half rounds, capped by Dibble outscoring Coach, 8-1, in the top of the fifth round.

In each of the first three games Coach and Dibble played head-to-head, and Dibble outscored him 68-31, which was a primary factor in losing all three games by a combined score of 63-1 – yes, that’s SIXTY-THREE to ONE.

The Game 3 bun run was the sixth of Coach Mike’s career, and fifth since the 2019 season. He now has double the career bun runs compared to the second-most player (Paul – 3). He’s proven to be the king of bun runs, which is why we now call him “Aunt Millie Mike.”

GAME OF THE NIGHT

The Game of the Night pitted Aunt Millie Mike and JV versus Bushie and Erik (Game 8). Spoiler alert, this one didn’t end in a bun run. Hallelujah, because I don’t think we could handle anymore dingalings this week.

This match truly was a back-and-forth slugfest – JV and Aunt Millie jumped out to a 4-0 lead, followed by Bushie and Erik storming back to take a 5-4 advantage. This seesaw continued:

• JV and Aunt Millie back on top, 8-5
• Bushie and Erik rallying to a 13-9 lead
• JV and Aunt Millie chipped away, closing the deficit to 13-12 after six rounds

In the top of seventh round Bushie added another point, making it 14-12. Rihanna was banging in the background, and JV was juiced. Bottom of the seventh round:

Erik first toss – missed board

JV first toss – cornhole

Erik second toss – on the board

JV second toss – on the board

Erik third toss – on the board

JV third toss – missed board

Erik fourth toss – missed board

JV paused, focused on the hole, practiced his hip swivel…once, then twice. He fired his fourth bag, “RIGHT IN!” he yelled, bag not even two feet out of his hands. His high arching shot swished through the hole, barely grazing any wood!

“BITCH BETTA HAVE MY MONEY!” he screamed, and gave a Tiger Woods-like fist pump. A huge, 7-2 round gave JV and Aunt Millie a 17-14 lead!

Bushie then tied it at 17-17 in the eighth round with seven enormous points of his own, including two really difficult cornholes.

In the bottom of the eighth JV bested Erik, 5-3, to take the lead back, 19-17. Bushie did his best to close the game in the top of the ninth, knowing JV was surging at the other end of the boards.

He owned a 5-3 advantage with one bag to go, which helped tie the game at 19 apiece. He needed a cornhole to close the game, but his final toss caromed off the side of the board.

This is JV time. Game tied at 19, pressure to make shots with the game on the line, and he had momentum with back-to-back scoring rounds of 7-2 and 5-3. Erik has had plenty of positive moments in his LEG career, but he generally hasn’t performed in these situations. Advantage JV.

Erik threw first and found the board. JV answered with his first toss on the board. Erik’s second bag was right at the hole, but stopped hole-high with one corner of the bag dangling inside the hole, not enough to fall into the hole on it’s own.

JV wisely threw short and boarded his second bag, avoiding taking Erik’s bag into the hole.

Erik launched his third toss like it was shot out of a cannon. The bag landed perfectly in the middle of the board, just beyond JV’s d-bag, and ran up toward the hole. It smacked the back of the hole with so much force that it dragged Erik’s hanging bag into the hole as well.

What a throw! Two cornholes in one toss, taking a 7-2 advantage during a 19-19 game, and JV only had two bags remaining.

Where’s Rihanna when you need her? JV’s third toss was dead center of the board, but short – one point. Erik’s final toss missed the board, which could have completely clinched the game had he just boarded it (even a JV cornhole would have drawn Erik’s advantage to 8-6, and the game would’ve been over at 21-19).

Pressure shifted back to JV. Down 7-3, needing a cornhole to keep the game alive, he launched a Joe Dumars rainbow for three points. Unfortunately his fourth toss was short again, piling up all four of his bags in the middle of the board. Erik held on for a 7-4 advantage, and won the game, 21-19, with his two-for-one cornhole on the third toss.

There’s your money, JV!

Erik rising to the occasion with the game on the line was an enormous growth moment for him. But doing it against JV, one of the league’s top players, should give him tremendous confidence. Given the magnitude of the moment, who it was against, and how he pulled it off, Erik deserves this week’s Mushroom Stamp Moment for closing out Game 8 against JV.

HIGH ROLLERS

Up until now, you probably have the impression that Erik was really good and everyone else was running around naked. While that’s true, it’s not the entire story. A total of eight players participated this week, and six of them crossed the 10.0 KPM mark, while two more were damn close.

• Dibble – 16.8
• Galz – 15.1
• KP – 13.6
• JV – 11.9
• Erik – 11.5
• Bushie – 11.0
• Paul – 9.2
• Aunt Millie – 9.0

Excluding the three blowout games to begin the night, four of the next 10 games were decided by four points or fewer. The games were ultra-competitive, which you’d expect from the KPM distribution above.

For the second straight week, Erik started crushed his first game of the night. Last week he posted a 12.2 KPM in his first game, and this week he topped it at 12.6. Last week he cooled off as the night went on. This week he stayed hot, found the capacity to perform in the clutch, and finished with a 3-1 record.

Speaking of clutch, in the final game of the night (Game 13) Bushie and KP were down 20-19 to Aunt Millie and Dibble. Bushie closed the game with an 8-1 round against ol’ Bread Box.

Bushie had a great night, arguably his best individual night of any regular season to date.

Dibble had an incredible night, individually. His 16.8 KPM this week was just shy of his league-record 17.0 KPM (week 10 of 2019). He shot 72%, drained 1.21 cornholes per round, and scored 5.3 gross points per round. Yet, he finished just 4-4 overall, including 1-4 after the first three blowout games to begin the night.

Galz was also excellent this week, and shouldn’t be overshadowed by Dibble. His 15.1 KPM is crazy high, and he scored 1.07 cornholes per round while shooting 66%. In Game 6, he led his team (Paul) to a 21-6 victory while scoring 42 gross points and 12 cornholes in just six rounds (averages of 7 gross points per round and two cornholes per round).

NEWS AND NOTES

• KP started horribly and didn’t look good running naked with Aunt Millie. But he rebounded nicely after losing his first two games by a combined score of 42-1. He finished the night 6-3 (6-1 after getting embarrassed) and with a 13.6 KPM on 65% shooting. He also scored the only 12-point round of the night, which came in Game 5 against Galz – his 12-4 round blew open a 16-12 match and gave KP and Bushie a 21-12 win.
• Aunt Millie had many moments of embarrassment, including solidifying his career lead in bun runs. However, it still isn’t as bad as JV shitting his pants in week 6 of the 2017 season. Despite his struggles, he rallied to a 9.0 KPM and increased his accuracy to 55%. Though he finished with a 1-7 record, his lone win was a partnership with Erik in a 21-10 victory over JV and Paul. In that game, he won the head-to-head match-up with JV, 32-31, and drained a game-high seven cornholes.
• JV finished the night 4-5 with an 11.9 KPM on 70% shooting. Cumulatively he outscored every head-to-head opponent on the evening:
  • JV – 75 vs. Erik – 57 (though Erik put a Mushroom Stamp on JV’s head)
  • JV – 53 vs. KP – 42
  • JV – 33 vs. KP – 32
  • JV – 57 vs. Aunt Millie – 41

Oddly, JV never went head-to-head with Dibble, Galz or Bushie.