BEVERLY HILLS, MICHIGAN – Week 4 marked the return of Humberto Klein (we call him Bert), which was the first time we’ve seen him since he partnered with JG on “Joe Mixon’s Domestic Abuse Hotline” to win the 2017 Preseason Kick-Off Tournament.

Bert has had great intentions to join the 2018 season earlier in the year, but he finally returned from a 3 week vacation in Southeast Asia. Bert couldn’t have timed his return any better, with Father’s Day only a few days away, considering he fathered a handful of kids during his vacation.

After having 14 months away from the game, Bert showed no signs of rust. In his first game he dropped more hammers than he did on Southeast Asian women, knocking in 9 cornholes while carrying Justin to a 21-11 win over KP and Paul.

Bert was on fire early, winning his first three games of the night 21-11 (summarized above), 21-5, and 21-7.

His fourth game was the Game of the Night where he partnered with Justin in a showdown against Hugh and KP.  Bert immediately punched Hugh in the mouth, jumping on him 5-0 in the first round, and Justin landed another body blow to KP in the bottom half of the round with a 6-3 advantage, pushing the lead to 8-0.

Hugh and KP weathered the flurry of cornholes and promptly rattled off their own 16-1 run over the next five rounds, led by KP scoring 12 of the points (outscored Justin 25-13) and Hugh gaining a 4 point advantage over Bert (outscored him 16-13).

In the top of the seventh round, facing a 16-9 deficit, Bert scored 3 points to close the gap to 16-12 only to have KP up the lead to 17-12 in the bottom half of the round.

Bert tested Hugh’s chin again in the eighth, dealing a devastating blow by draining two cornholes and another bag on the board to post a 5 point round (7-2 gross point advantage) and tie the game at 17.

The game was back and forth with runs, and each team gained and lost momentum. Justin tried to ride Bert’s momentum in the bottom of the eighth by hitting a cornhole and two bags on the board for a 5 point round. But, KP stalled his opponents’ momentum with two cornholes and two more bags on the board to post an 8-5 advantage over Justin and give his team a 20-17 lead.

Bert earned 1 more point in the ninth to keep the game alive, and turned it over to Justin who tried to keep KP from closing out a 20-18 game. KP choked, putting only two of his four bags on the board, while Justin swished a cornhole and added another point on the board for a 4-2 advantage.

The game was tied, 20-20, with red-hot Bert having control to close the game and win his fourth straight match. However, Hugh was tired of being pushed around and came out throwing hay-makers of his own. He put the pressure on immediately by landing his first bag on the board, which was followed by Bert missing his second bag (he also missed his first toss). Hugh put his foot on Bert’s throat with a cornhole on the second toss to snatch a 4-0 advantage with only two throws remaining for each player. Bert, crumbling under the pressure like his Asian victims crumbled to his meat hammer, missed for a third straight throw, which clinched the game for Hugh and KP. Just for good measure, Hugh put his last two bags on the board to post 6 gross points and Bert found the board on his last throw to avoid a donut in the final round. It didn’t matter, Hugh’s 6-1 advantage earned the victory.

Despite six 10-point rounds recorded during week 4, Hugh’s clutch performance against Bert is this week’s Mushroom Stamp Moment of the week. Congratulations to Hugh for the MSM and for elevating his performance to slow down one of the hottest players this week.

Game of the Night was a tough decision because game 5 and game 17 were also intense thrillers. Game 5 featured Galz and Bushie versus KP and Hugh, and several huge moments. KP and Hugh jumped out to an 8-0 lead, only to have their opponents chip away and close the gap to 12-11. But Hugh and KP upped the lead to 19-11 in just one round when KP outscored Bushie 4-1, and Hugh dominated Galz 5-1. But Galz immediately regained focus and notched three cornholes on his way to a 9-0 round over Hugh, giving his team a 20-19 lead. In the bottom of the round KP rose to the occasion, landing three bags on the board and one cornhole while Bushie missed all four throws. KP closed the game, a 21-19 win, with a 6-0 final round.

Game 17 pitted Paul and Hugh against Joe and Adam. Paul and Hugh were heavy favorites considering they had played several games and Joe had just arrived from work, was cold and hadn’t yet locked in mentally. None of that mattered, as Joe and Adam held a 13-8 lead in a fairly close game through the first six rounds, thanks largely to Joe drawing even with Paul (each player scored 16 gross points through six rounds) and Adam got the best of Hugh, 22-17. In the seventh round Adam busted the game open, dropping a 10-point round on Hugh to take a 19-9 lead.

Sadly, the underdogs couldn’t close the game despite their 10-point lead late in the match. In the eighth round Paul and Hugh quickly closed the gap to 19-16 behind a 6-1 advantage for Paul over Joe, and a 3-1 advantage for Hugh over Adam.

In the ninth, when Adam needed to find his hot streak, he went cold. Paul had gained one point on Joe to make the score 19-17, and Adam could only get one bag on the board, losing to Hugh 5-1, which was good enough to give Hugh four gross points and his team a 21-19 come from behind victory.

Once again, Hugh was the closer and is even more proof that he deserves the MSM this week.

New and Notes:

• Adam was a monster this week, recording a 12.4 KPM (second-best of the night), going 6-4 with an amazing 0.88 cornholes per round and 54% accuracy. From the left side of the board he was bananas – 15.2 KPM (the biggest KPM we’ve ever seen), 1.09 cornholes per round, 66% accuracy and a 3-0 record. He posted THREE 10-point rounds on the night, two of which were from the left side of the board. Adam also added 3 foot snags to his season-leading total.
• KP posted the top KPM on the evening (13.1), 0.75 cornholes per round and 70% accuracy on his way to a 10-2 record. He also posted his first 10-point round of the season. His big week helped keep him at #2 in the cumulative Power Rankings, which was impressive given Adam and Galz had big weeks in their chase to climb the rankings.
• Galz continues his streak of having a KPM above 10 every week he plays. This week he landed at 10.8 while hitting 0.74 cornholes per round and 49% accuracy. His accuracy was a bit down compared to usual, but his overall game was still excellent and resulted in a 4-2 overall record. Galz also made some bombass ribs for the entire group.
• Bert was dropping meat hammers like he was still on vacation in Southeast Asia. After winning his first three matches, he finished the night overall at 4-4. However, he had the fourth best KPM (9.8), while 54% accurate and knocking in 0.54 cornholes per round. Not too bad after 14 months off. That’s why he’s a champion, folks.
• JV had a strong night, going 6-4 with a 9.8 KPM. He wasn’t as accurate as normal (49%), but had a respectable 0.61 cornholes per round and also posted two 10-point rounds on the night. He dropped from #4 to #6 in the Power Rankings thanks to Adam and Bert’s strong nights.
• Justin made his first regular season appearance and played much better than he did during the Preseason Kick-Off. He ended the night with a 9.2 KPM, 51% accuracy, 0.49 cornholes per round and 3 foot snags. Strangely, these solid numbers only produced a 4-8 record. Justin is a perfect example of where the individual stats that drive KPM are more valuable than analyzing one’s overall W/L record. Nice season debut, Justin.

BEVERLY HILLS, MICHIGAN – Just when you think you know everything about Coach Mike, he surprises you again. Last year he demonstrated his versatility when he informed the group of Usher’s herpes. This week, we finally discovered what Coach hides in the YETI he’s drinking every time he arrives to cornhole. Most assumed it might be a Bud Light Lime roadie to get him mentally prepared for the night, or the remains of his morning coffee, providing that jolt of energy we all expect from him.

The truth? It’s Kool-Aid. That’s right, this grown ass man drinks Tropical Punch Kool-Aid…every…single…day.

In case there was ever any doubt, it’s settled now. Coach Mike is the man.

Week 3 was an interesting week, with five of the 11 games decided by by double-digits and no game was closer than 21-14. This week was also a continuation of the sensitive foot snag topic, which was ignited when Erik attempted to foot snag Bushie, his partner, in game 1. Bushie, still fuming from foot snag controversy in week 2, threatened to kick Erik’s ass if he ever tries to foot snag him again. What is it with Erik wanting to foot snag his partners? Also, if there is one person NOT to foot snag, it’s Bushie. The guy already drinks Coors Lights faster than any human can chug water, so there is no beer chugging incentive with snagging Bushie. Erik claims he’ll foot snag any player, partner or not, in order to pad his stats. He’s chasing the 2018 foot snag crown, and doesn’t care about pissing anyone off along the way. Atta boy, Erik.

In game 4, Erik was partners with Paul and once again showed no mercy when he foot snagged Paul. Bushie and Coach Mike looked on in disgust, while Paul bitched about having to chug the rest of his beer. “I’m drinking an Oberon!” he cried. Sorry Paul, rules are rules. Erik made Paul abide by the rules, having to finish the chug before the game continued. Funny, because one week earlier Erik didn’t follow league rules when he was bun run 21-0 by Coach Mike and Marco…

In game 5, we had partner-on-partner crime again when Paul and Adam paired up to face Bushie and Coach Mike. Bushie and Coach Mike cruised to a 21-10 victory, but in the third frame Paul foot snagged an errant toss from Adam. Frustrated by his partner foot snagging him and a 10-3 deficit, Adam foot snagged Paul in the bottom half of the third frame to get revenge, and Paul again cried because he had an Oberon in his hands. Two throws later, Paul missed the board long and Adam was there to clean up the mess with his foot. Adam was cold-blooded, snagging his partner twice in one round and Paul drank every last drop of Oberon to pay his debts.

Not surprising, in the fourth round Paul sent a bag toward the board and it came up three feet short. “That was TERRIBLE!” KP exclaimed, as he kept score. Adam must have felt guilty for contributing to his partner’s horrendous throw because he advised Paul to build his arm strength by having more jerk sessions instead of always having girls do it for him. Little does Adam know, Paul has no girls helping him.

The Game of the Night might not look impressive on the scoreboard, but the drama involved was incredible. Coach Mike and Adam knocked off Galz and Paul 21-12. However, Paul and Galz jumped on their opponent quickly, creating a 12-0 advantage after just three rounds. Paul dominated Adam during the early going, outscoring him 12-3 (gross points), chipping in 9 of his team’s 12 early points. Galz struggled, but still outscored Coach Mike 4-1 (gross points).

More than halfway to a bun run, Paul and Galz were feeling confident and began focusing on shutting out their opponent. But in the top of the fourth frame, Adam started ballin’. He outscored Paul 7-1 to shrink the deficit to 12-6 and eliminate any bun run possibility. Coach rode the back-handed taint tickler to a 4-0 advantage in the bottom of the fourth frame, and in the blink of an eye we had a 12-10 game.

In the fifth and sixth frames Adam bested Paul 10-3 and Coach topped Galz 7-0, including a 4-0 final round to clinch the game. To summarize, Paul and Galz raced to a 12-0 lead after the first three rounds, but Adam and Coach responded with a 21-0 run in the final three frames to win the game 21-12. Galz unexpectedly scored only four gross points in the game, and recorded donuts in the final four frames of the game.

Normally, the Mushroom Stamp Moment of the week is awarded to an individual player who has the greatest moment of dominance during the night. However, this week marks the first time in history the MSM goes to a team. But it couldn’t be more appropriate to award Adam and Coach the MSM for overcoming a 12-0 deficit with a 21-0 run.

Congratulations to Adam and Coach for the week 3 MSM.

News and Notes:

• This week was strange in many ways, as outlined above. But also interesting was the low accuracy rates. Only one player was greater than 50% accurate (KP), while all other players ranged from 35% – 49%. Bushie’s house usually yields higher accuracy, but tonight that was not the case.
• KP was the star of the night, going 5-0 and recording the highest KPM of the evening (12.6). He averaged 0.62 cornholes per round, 4.2 gross points per round and registered an impressive 74% accuracy for the night.
• Galz continued to play well, other than the stinker he had in the Game of the Night where he only had 4 gross points. Despite the one bad game, Galz still had a 10.5 KPM, averaged 3.4 gross points per round and knocked in 0.71 cornholes per round (best of the night) while hitting on 49% of his throws. Galz also continued his run of 10-point rounds, recording two more this week. His first 10-point round was in game 1, where he nailed cornholes on his first three throws and had an opportunity for a 12-point round. His final bag landed on the board and he settled for a 10-point round instead, and that also clinched the win for his team.
• Adam had the third highest KPM of the night at 8.7, driven mostly by his 0.57 cornholes per round. Adam was only 2-5 overall for the night, but played better than his record showed. He also recorded a 10-point round in game 2, a 21-14 loss. He also had 5 foot snags on the night, taking his season total to 10, which is good for the league lead (Erik is second with 9).
• Coach Mike got back on track after a few weeks hovering around .500. He went 5-2 and had a solid 8.5 KPM. Coach was reasonably accurate, making 47% of his throws, but his cornhole rate was down compared to normal (only 0.46 cornholes per round).

 

BEVERLY HILLS, MICHIGAN – The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen almost collapsed this week. We had plenty of fireworks, but most of them were related to fighting among league members.

The testiness started right away in Game 1, where Erik and Coach squared off against Galz and KP. In the first frame KP drained a cornhole and added another bag on the board to take a 4-0 lead against Coach Mike, which put Coach on edge. Then in the second frame, Coach managed only 1 of 4 bags on the board and Erik, his TEAMMATE, foot snagged him. Guys, I cannot describe Coach’s fury in my own words. He MF’ed Erik for several minutes, yelled, complained, pleaded to KP about how bad of a move it is to foot snag a teammate. He even threatened to call Erik “Sam” until he earned his real name back with better behavior.

The atmosphere was tense, and that’s when Galz saw an opportunity to make it even worse. He and KP built a 9-0 lead while their opponents fought each other. On the ropes, Erik decided to finally break the scoring drought and seemingly broke some of the tension with his partner. Coach was happy to be off bun run status and vowed that the first point would not be the team’s last.

Insert Galz…attempting to break Coach’s mental game, he taunted him with an offer to bet Coach that they will not score again. A fuming Coach barks that he’ll bet 400 bucks they score again, and Galz propositions his checkbook, suggesting it has unlimited funds.

I’ve never seen Coach so rattled. “Sam” and Coach never scored again, losing 21-1. Coach reneged on Galz’s proposition, claiming a formal bet didn’t exist because hands were not shaken. Galz still got what he wanted, a win and a frustrated Coach.

Sadly, the foot snag topic was just gaining momentum. Bushie watched as all of this unfolded and after the game used the opportunity to make his monthly soap box moment about the bullshit that is a foot snag. He complained about how disruptive the foot snag is to his throwing accuracy (even though the foot snag doesn’t happen until the bag has already caromed off the board) and said the foot snag is banned from the league. KP reminded him that there is only one commissioner and he does not have the power to rescind the foot snag rules. With things on the verge of falling apart, Bushie threatened to quit the league and never host again if the foot snag rule continued. KP called his bluff, saying he can quit over something as stupid as a foot snag, if he chooses.

The entire group was so tense that a bun run happened and wasn’t even communicated to the entire group (we had two boards going, so not everyone saw the shutout). Joe and Erik lost to Coach and Marco, 21-0, and nobody knew about it besides those 4 guys until Friday morning when KP was reviewing the scores for this recap. I assume it was a combination of shame and fear for what Coach and Bushie might do to two nekked men frolicking through the backyard.

Joe and Erik – you will not avoid the consequences of the bun run, so expect to pay the piper in the coming weeks.

Galz made his regular season debut by dropping hammers throughout the night. He averaged a ridiculous 6.4 cornholes per game (best of the night) and 0.72 cornholes per round on the way to an 11.9 KPM (second best of the night).

Galz flexed his muscle in Game 6 when he partnered with Coach Mike to battle Joe and KP. The entire match was a street fight, with Galz and Coach racing out to a 9-4 lead before KP posted a 7-0 advantage over Coach in the fourth frame to give his squad an 11-9 lead. Galz and Coach responded with a run of their own to earn a 14-11 advantage and that’s when Galz took over.

He outscored Joe 7-1, taking a 20-11 lead and putting his foot on Joe and KP’s neck. KP felt momentum punch him in the face, and did his best to keep the team in it. Down 20-11, KP’s first two tosses were cornholes and his third found the board. Meanwhile, Coach had only found the board with one of his bags and KP needed a cornhole to tie the game at 20. On his last toss, KP landed on the board, closing the deficit to 20-18 and needed Joe to somehow silence Galz. But, that didn’t happen…not even close.

Galz put the proverbial teabag right in Joe and KP’s faces by dunking his first two throws while Joe missed his. But Galz wasn’t done. He hit cornhole with his third shot to clinch the match, but now he was chasing rare air…a 12-point round. On his fourth and final toss, Galz found the center of the hole for another cornhole, giving him the first 12 point round of the season and only the fifth in league history. That earned Galz his first Mushroom Stamp Moment of his career.

Galz also had a 10 point round in Game 7 against Erik. Although Erik weathered the storm with a 7 of his own in that round, Galz still led his team to a 21-17 victory.

The Game of the Night was a showdown in game 3 between Galz and Marco vs. Coach and Bushie. This was an intense game of runs, and just when it seemed one team had the advantage, the other team stormed back.

Galz and Marco used a 5 point advantage in the second frame to propel them to an early 7-2 lead, but then Bushie and Coach went on a 13-3 streak of their own to gain a 15-10 lead. Bushie was unstoppable during the run, outscoring Galz by 10 net points (16-6 gross point advantage) and Coach Mike drew even with Marco during the run (16-16 gross points). Marco snagged one point to close the gap to 15-11, but Coach Mike used the back-handed taint tickler to drain a cornhole and another bag on the board, upping the lead to 18-11.

Needing a run in the worst way, Galz started the 10^th frame with two cornholes on his way to outscoring Bushie 6-1, and Marco kept the momentum going in the bottom of the 10^th with two more cornholes as part of a 7-4 advantage over Coach Mike. In the blink of an eye Galz and Marco used an 8 point frame to take a 19-18 lead. In the top of the 11^th frame Galz closed it out against Bushie with a cornhole and two bags on the board, outscoring Bushie 5-3 to win the game 21-18.

Bushie and Coach Mike were extremely accurate and impressively hung in the game despite registering only 8 total cornholes (Bushie with 6, Coach with 2) compared to 18 total cornholes from Galz and Marco (9 for each guy). But Galz and Marco were too much to handle in the end.

Did you notice a theme? Again, it’s all about Galz. He was a bad, bad man this week, earning the MSM, posting a 12-point round, posting a 10-point round and closing out the Game of the Week.

News and Notes:

• Marco deserves some love for his performance this week. He didn’t have as many loud moments as Galz, but he was a stud. He recorded the highest KPM, a ridiculous 12.5, while also earning the highest cornholes per round (0.75), gross points per round (4.0) and second highest accuracy (64%). He also dominated the win-loss column, going 7-3 for the night.
• JV also had a very good night, going 7-3 overall and recorded a 9.7 KPM. He crushed Joe’s spirits in game 11 with a 10-point round, and repeated the 10-point round in game 13 against Bushie to close out the game. It was arguably a Mushroom Stamp Moment of the night, but not quite enough to top Galz’s 12-point round. JV had is most accurate night of his career at 64%, but struggled with cornholes per round (by his standards) with only 0.37. JV is a perfect example of where the new advanced metrics are interesting to analyze – he was great from the right side of the board where his KPM was 10.0; while on the left side he struggled with only a 5.8 KPM.
• KP had another steady night, going 8-4 overall with a KPM of 11.5 (third best of the night). His accuracy continues to be stellar this year; he was 74% for the night and impressively threw 28 straight scoring bags during game 15. In total, he was 31 out of 32 (97% accuracy) for game 15.

New Advanced Metrics:

We are introducing even more advanced metrics, with the ability to now track gross points scored head-to-head (both weekly and cumulative) as well as tracking all our or normal statistics based on a player’s performance on the right and left side of the board.

These advanced metrics will help analyze player tendencies, weaknesses and how they perform head-to-head against other players in the league. Below is a summary of how to navigate the new metrics.

Head-to-Head Metrics

• Cumulative Head-to-Head
  • Columns AM through AP of the Excel file statistics
  • Cell AM3 select the dropdown for the player you want
    • Column AN then auto-populates that players cumulative gross points scored against every player he’s played, while columns AO and AP show the cumulative gross points scored by all the other players when matching up head to head against the player selected in column AN.

For example, if I select Marco in cell AM3, the results I get show his gross points scored compared to each of his opponent’s gross points scored against Marco. He scored 104 gross points in head to head matchups against Galz, while Galz only registered 89 points against Marco.

• Weekly Head-to-Head
  • Columns AQ through AS
  • Cell AQ4 enter the week you would like to analyze
  • Cells AR4 and AS4 select the players you want to compare
    • Cells AR5 and AS5 then auto-populate the head to head results of the players you are analyzing for the week selected.

For example, if you select “2” (for week 2) in cell AQ4, “Marco” in cell AR4 and “Galz” in cell AS4, you will see cell AR5 reveals 104 gross points for Marco and cell AS5 reveals 89 gross points for Galz…the same as you see in the cumulative head to head example above because so far both of those players have only played in week 2.

• Side of Board Performance Metrics
  • Cells B32 and B33
  • Cell B32 select the week you want to analyze and cell B33 the side of the board you want to analyze (right, left or total).
    • The standings and statistics table auto-populates above based on your selections. We began this in week 2, so in future weeks you will also see the cumulative results based on side of the board.